Changing my name,it feels bittersweet

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 16
77 posts
Worker bee

nerk :  what about hyphenating, combining names to make a new name, or taking his last name as a middle name? It’s a tough decision (I originally wanted to keep my name and ruled out hyphenating because of length, but we have decided to both hyphenate with shortened versions of each of our names) but there are creative options and compromises out there!

Post # 17
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Edson Keith Mansion

I have ALWAYS wanted to change my last name. I’m getting married this weekend, and now that it’s here, I am suddenly feeling nostalgic! I keep signing documents and thinking about how I won’t be signing that name for very long. I am still excited, I still want to change it, but I totally agree that it is a bit of a strange ‘bittersweet’ feeling. 

Post # 18
292 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the camp of thinking that you should consider your husbands feelings, BUT in the end, it’s YOUR NAME, not his, and guys will never understand what its like to have a name your whole life, and then have to change it, because 99% of the time, it’s not even a consideration that THEY could change THEIR name.

I had always planned to take hubby’s name, but when it got closer to the wedding, and I actually had time to think about it (instead of venues and cakes and colors and whatnot), I realized I really REALLY wanted to keep my name. And I did. But he was not happy at ALL. Still isn’t. He will forever hold a little resentment towards me because of it. However, if I had changed it just to make him happy, I would have held some for him, and at the end of the day, we are still married, and I’m the only one who has to sign my name.

Maybe I’m just a jerk, but your name is a personal thing. I think the tradition is absolutely ridiculous…we go 20+(ish) years with a name and then are supposed to just sign it away like that?

You have to do what makes YOU happy. If that’s changing, keeping or hyphenating, I don’t think there’s a wrong answer, as long as you are ok with it.

Post # 19
52 posts
Worker bee

It was important to Darling Husband that I change my last name to take his. BUT…..we did have a discussion and decided that I would keep my maiden name for multiple reasons. I’m in training for a professional career and am literally months from graduating. I’ve spent the majority of my life working towards this career goal and have always dreamed of being Dr. MyMaidenLastName. It seemed cruel to suddenly have that dream ripped away from me just months away from graduation and he was completely understanding of that so that is one reason for keeping my last name. The second reason is that I am the first-born in my family, the first to receive a post-secondary education, and I have no brothers. I identify very strongly with my last name and almost feel a “responsibility” to continue to bear my father’s last name because the bloodline ends with me. By bearing my father’s last name, it continues to remind me of the hardship that he went through to immigrate to this free country from poverty and build a successful life for himself and his family. He gave my younger sister and I everything that we would need to be successful in life and not have to go through the hardships that he went through. For that reason, I am SO proud to continue bear my maiden last name. 

That being said, I am happy to be socially known as Mrs. HisLastName. I have absolutely no issue with this and in fact, it makes me quite happy for people to address me this way. And our children will take his last name as well. We’ve had people ask us “Won’t your kids think it’s weird that mommy and daddy don’t have the same last name? Or won’t your kids feel like you’re not one unit?” No. I have a hard time understand why people think this. If my kids ever question why I’ve kept my last name, I would be thrilled to have the opportunity to tell them the incredible hardship their grandfather went through to make mommy the person she is today. The last name carries a special significance of sacrifice, perserverence and determination.

Sorry, this was a longer post than expected. I’m just really passionate about this particular topic. And I recently had a close in-law say that it was “disgusting” and “appalling” that I would ever want to keep my maiden last name. SO INFURIATING. But I’ll save that for another post…..

Post # 20
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I feel similar so I’m turning my maiden name into my middle name. if you feel strongly about it then keep your name, your name is your identity and no one should decide that for you.

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