(Closed) Changing my SON's last name?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsEME:  I think if he’s going to adopt him anyway, go ahead and give him your FI’s last name. Or whatever combination you do.

Post # 4
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly I would get it in writing from the bio dad and notarized on his attent to sign on giving  up his rights. This way once the time comes to actually do it, you have it all there. 

Post # 6
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsEME:  I say go for it!  And here’s why.

My dad left our family right before I went into 7th grade.  In the middle of 9th grade, my sister and I legally changed our last names to my mom’s instead of our dad’s.  I wish I had done it earlier!  I think you would be doing him a favor IMO to give him the same last name as you will have.

Post # 7
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think this is a terrific idea, especially since your son has already expressed interest.  I have no experience in the situation, but it sounds as though you’ve thought it out and are doing what is best for your son.  It’s awesome that your SO wants to adopt him, and I think taking his name is a great way to show you as a family.

Post # 8
1010 posts
Bumble bee

Certainly, go ahead and change his last name!  My SO and his siblings all have the same last name as their stepfather, who also legally adopted them.  While my SO doesn’t feel strongly about keeping it when he gets married (and has actually expressed that he wants to take my last name, instead), he also had no desire to have his biological father’s last name.  There’s no reason not to change your son’s last name if it will better serve your family unit and it’s also what he himself has expressed he wants.

I’ve actually made it very clear to my partner (and previous partners) that unless we were already married at the time of birth, if I ever ended up pregnant and had a child that was fathered by them, it would have MY last name, NOT theirs (and it would also not have their last name for a middle name, or any of that).  Because as far as I’m concerned, unless they wanted to step up and marry me, they didn’t have a right to have a say in what I named a child that I could well end up raising on my own (since I am well aware how difficult it is to actually get child support payments, especially when a marriage did not occur).  So you’ve already been more lenient with this guy than I would have ever been.

Post # 10
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

@MrsEME:  I can certainly understand doing this! My Fiance had his fathers last name and his bio father was never around. They are doing a bit better to this day, and he is actually on the birth certificate even! But Fiance wanted his name changed to his mothers last name because he was proud of the things his mom and her family had done. he legally got his name changed at 13 but had wanted to for years.


i also think its different in this case because your Fiance is going to adopt him… so it actually kind of makes sense to do that.

Post # 11
3371 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsEME:  If Fiance is going to adopt your son, then I would think changing his name to FI’s last name would be fine, even expected. But I would probably wait until the actual adoption goes through. I think it is a nice idea to change his middle name to your maiden name. 

Post # 12
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would wait to change the name until Fiance legally adopts your son.

Post # 13
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would absolutely do it. I am doing it for my daughter…..fingers crossed that it goes through. My daughters dad hasn’t seen her in 9 years and my fiance is the one that is her dad. As a family we would all like to have the same last name. Side note my daughter does not want to keep her current last name as she is the only one with that last name. My ex has 7+ other kids so if he has plenty of opportunity to carry on his tarnished name.

Post # 15
3371 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsEME:  I don’t know, I’m a worry wart. It’s more like a “just in case” thing.

Post # 16
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

So I am in the process of doing this with my oldest now. Her dad was only in her life until she was 1 (even then he was barely involved) and then he went 8 years without seeing her. He passed away 2 years ago. My Darling Husband has been her dad since she was 4 and we have been married several years.

If your Dh is going to attempt to adopt him then I would wait until then, they are usually done on the same day. Obviously the adoption is a more lengthy process. This is what we have to do to change her name legally.

1. File the order (a notorized form)

2. Publish the motion in a local news paper for 3 weeks. If there were another parent who would contest it they would need to be served and the proof of service filed.


3. Attend the hearing. It is my understanding if the other parent contests and are even minorly involved it is a tough thing to get done. A lot of weight goes into if the child is known by this name, already in school, etc.




I think you will also need to get bio dad on the birth certificate too. If you try to do this without notifying him (because he is not on the birth certificate) and he contests it would look really bad on you. As far as adoption goes, if his dad isn’t agreeable to that it is really difficult as well-do you think he would be agreeable?


Sorry for such a long response this is obviously something I have spent years thinking about/researching!


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