Post # 1
Member
12 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees,
Darling Husband and I have thought about this quite a bit and he feels strongly that he would like me to take his name. I also feel strongly about keeping mine. The comprosmise is more than likely that we will both change our names to include the others. The decision is now: to hyphenate, to not hypenate, to leave a space or not…. What do you guys think are the best versions of joining these names?
Post # 3
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Your maiden name and then his last name, but don’t hyphenate.
Post # 5
Member
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I, personally, am not a big fan of hyphenated last names, simply because they tend to be so long, and they create potentially greater challenges for future generations (i.e., if Jane Smith and John Doe marry and become Jane and John Smith-Doe, what do their children do if they want to hyphenate their names when they grow up and marry, and so on.)
I was very attached to my maiden name, because I did not marry until I was in my mid-to-late 40s and had a lengthy, successful career under my maiden name. However, I am also very traditional and knew that I would definitely take my husband’s last name. I originally wanted to keep all four of my names: first, middle, maiden-as-second-middle, hislast. However, I was unable to do this in my state. Ultimately, I decided to choose the formal, traditional route that women in the U.S. have used to change their names: I dropped my given middle name, took my maiden name as my new middle name, and took my DH’s last name. So, my new name is in the form of Jane Smith Doe, and I absolutely love it. My former identity remains obvious, and Darling Husband and I (and his children and any potential future children we would have together) are all able to share the same last name. I don’t know if you’ve considered this as an option, but I just wanted to mention this.
Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
I like the murray first, but it is a lot of syllables when together.
was Murliu an option? If not I choose Murrayliu with no space.
Post # 7
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
@Brielle: This is what I did also and LOVE it.
Post # 8
Member
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Tina.Baker: I know! It’s so fun, isn’t it? 🙂
Post # 9
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
I voted Murray Liu, but I guess it’s just odd to me that your husband would change his name as well. I’m pretty traditional about that kind of stuff though. Is it common for the man to also take his wife’s name nowadays?
Post # 10
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
I would put your maiden name first (hyphen) and his last name
Post # 11
Member
12 posts
Newbee
@prettynewpenny: Nope I don’t think its at all traditional really. I’m Irish where the tradition would be to take the husband’s name and he is Chinese where the tradition is that both parties keep their own name and the children take the husband’s. However Darling Husband, having lived in Ireland for over 10 years likes the tradition of the wife taking the husband’s name. I on the otherhand feel pretty strongly about keeping mine as a surname. Neither my mother nor any of her 5 sisters changed their name at marriage so it’s traditional in my family (although not culturally) to keep the maiden name.
Our compromise is that if I change my name to incorporate his then he will change his to incorporate mine if I want him to. He called my bluff basically! We haven’t 100% decided if we will do this but he has agreed that if I want him to he will. 🙂
I would quite like any future children to have both our names and while I realise that hypens and double barrelled names cause issues for future generations I think I’d be happy for them to change their name to whatever they liked when the time came e.g. if they wanted to drop Murray and keep the Liu to create their own double barrelled name or whatever..
Post # 12
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
@Brielle: I will be doing the same! I would miss having my maiden name as a part of me.
Post # 13
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
@lapetitefleur100: We did the same thing! I had the same feeling. I don’t really believe in changing my name just because, so I gave Darling Husband two options: either we keep our names or we both change our names. We ended up both hyphenating Hisname-Myname because it sounded better that way.
The biggest pushback has been from his family (they are pretty traditional). My family thinks its awesome, and everyone we’ve told since has been surprised but really supportive. We’ve heard no negatives (other than from his family), though we wouldn’t really care. It’s the decision that made the best sense for us. Most people think its pretty cool.
Post # 14
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’m in this boat too… Thinking of using my maiden name, hyphen, my married name.
