- 9 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
So this is my first offical post on wedding bee. I actually have a wedding blog and am a big time user of the boards on another site…la di da
Last night I had an anxiety attack over changing my last name.
I LOVE fiance so much, and I understand his heritage goes back to the pilgrims and so he is proud of his last name (his great great grandfather founded the town his parents now call home). Yes. I understnad it is a big deal, its your name
But.. guess what my name means something too! I have lived with it now for 27 years. I have receied multiple degrees of high education under it. I have been published under this name. I am in the beg. phases of a career in an industry I love- that has a lot to do with marketing and client relationships and building relationships.
It’s also my heritage. I am 100% italian and from a state where that is recognized and smiled upon. My culture is all around us and its very prominent here. For example, the first time we sat down to a family dinner my aunt/uncles cousins asked “what are you”… my fiance answered “american”, everyone had a good laugh. We live ina predominately Italo-American area, also a big irish american culture. You aren’t american. You are italian. You are portugese. you are irish.
I also live in the smallest state in the union. Everyone knows everyone. No one knows a Kasey Smith (not my real name, fake”new name”) they know Kasey Bunaratoo (again, not my name)
Fiance said I am being selfish. But we live in a place where its all about connections. I don’t want to lose the connections I have made personally or professional. Fiance thinks its selfish–but hes the first one to take the free drink my last name gets me, or th ebetter table in the restaurant. AKA he reeps the benefits. Without giving too much away I share the name of a prominent political figure who also happens to be my uncle. I am not saying this to gloat, I am saying it becuse if you are from a “Small town” maybe you can relate to the feeling of being from a “Small state”
I not only feel like I am losing constantly be called that name. I also feel like I am going to lose part of my heritage. I KNOW it sounds stupid. my heritage is who I am, but I don’t feel like its easily identifable anymore.
I don’t identify with an English name, I’m not of english decent.
I love my fiance and I want to be a family. But I really want to hyphenate my name. He said I’m making all kinds of issues for our kids down the line.
he told me if I don’t want to change my name, fine don’t but that when we have kids I might want to rehtink it.
Has anyone else felt like this? I feel like I’m losing my sense of self. It may sound selifh and all of this is long and sounds dumb- but it is HOW i feel, and I can’t help how i feel