Post # 91
As a tangential suggestion.. I’ve found the long chat threads (e.g. “charters of the hive”; “ttc after miscarriage”; “dealing with infertility”; “waiting list”; etc) tend to get pretty much no traffic from random bees.. generally you only click and readt/post in those threads if you’re part of the community.. probably because the discussion is all over the place and would be both boring and hard to follow by someone not invested.
Anyway, if someone made a cfbc chat thread.. where bees “roll called” to join (like they do in the other threads I listed) it’d not only foster a greater sense of community among cfbc bees but provide a more private place to talk about your unique challenges (and gripe/vent as needed) without anyone else jumping in.
I know in general I hate making threads.. literally everyone has an opinion and literally always someone will say mean things and/or derail the thread. But in the ttc threads I’ve been able to vent about things (things totally unrelated to ttc sometimes) and the response is so much better because it’s a small community of people who know me and know that my one grumpy day/thought does not describe my entire personality. I think that gets lost whenever someone starts a single thread to vent.
Anyway, just a suggestion.. may be worth a try.
Post # 92
I find it strange that you parroted my use of the word “indignant” when you are the one who has responded to this thread in an angry and hostile way. Just as WeddingBee is not required to be fair, CFBC Bees do not need to stay silent about the way our community is treated by moderators or other Bees.
I can’t understand why this thread topic makes you livid. Do you see a CFBC board as some kind of personal attack? I also wonder what kind of person would be incensed about fairness. That’s weird.
The way that you approach forums which you don’t like is irrelevant because others are not obligated to handle situations only as you see fit. You have demanded that I post on another childfree forum but I will be staying right here. Sorry if that makes you scream in impotent rage.
Post # 93
Coming from a pregnant woman, so I have no axe to grind – I remember the petition for a CFBC board. And remember finding it distinctly weird when it was named ‘No Kids’, it’s confusing and I knew if I was CFBC I’d find it sort of insulting. Whenever I see people posting there about not inviting kids to weddings or other non-CFBC topics, I roll my eyes. Must be ten times worse for the actual CFBC bees.
Just rename it CFBC. I don’t get why it’s a big deal.
Post # 94
amanda1988 : Good point about the roll call type threads. That’s actually a really good idea around issues that seem to crop up with CFBC threads.
Post # 95
I demanded nothing and I think you may be projecting your own rage here. Everything I wrote was pretty much as neutral and calm as it gets viewing it pretty objectively. It was an observation and suggestion that if this is something you care deeply about to the extent that you are creating threads and lambasting people over it, that exploring other communities originally designed for that sole purpose instead of getting worked up over one-off subforums may be a worthwhile endeavor because not every forum will ever fit every need. There is a great big world of internet forums beyond the bee to fill that niche if this one isn’t what you wanted it to be for that topic.
Post # 96
pond : When it came up on the old site format some were incredibly miliant. Basically if someone was leaning towards CFBC but uncertain – they weren’t CFBC. Might provide genetic material to someone else, be a surrogate or would consider being a guardian to children if someone happened to their parents – not CFBC.
I am CFBC but not in the strictest sense and it really was a huge turn off. I can link to the old stuff as the old suggestion area didn’t move over with the major site change.
Post # 97
AB Bride :
You’ll find that some CFBC people are incredibly militant. Some are anti natalists and others actually HATE children as well as parents. I can see why all of that bitterness would be off putting.
Technically, being undecided about having children is referred to as “fencesitting.” Once someone decides to raise a child for whatever reason, she is a mother so she can’t be CFBC at the same time.
Post # 98
amanda1988 : cmsgirl : The last roll call type thread got deleted because of obnoxious posts by certain bees criticising and deriding CFBC bee’s in the thread.
There is a big reason why the No Kid’s board is not as active as it should be and that is because of the constant thread derailments and bee’s coming in to bingo us. I don’t start posts for that very reason and I know a lot of other CFBC don’t either. A lot of posts end up deleted as well due to the OP not wanting the pile on to continue which is a big reason why the board looks like ghost town.
Post # 99
While we butted heads in the previous thread (you can’t hear tones on the internet and tempers flair and fingers fly) I want you to know that I understand why you are annoyed. I don’t understand it per say (I have not been looked down on in society or made to feel like my feelings don’t matter which seems like CFBC women face in society) but I can really see your point.
I don’t have anything against a CFBC board (honestly not that it matters how I feel about it) I was sensing derision towards kids and parents (real or misread, I’m fully aware I could have taken things the wrong way) and that’s what gave me the itchy fingers. I felt put down and if that’s what you are feeling when we stumble on a CFBC thread, it would be awful to feel that way.
When a thread starts by saying “if you’re a parent please don’t respond, I don’t want to hear from you” it’s exclusionary and it won’t end well
What I have taken away is how you feel like you are written off by parents and I will also pay closer attention to where threads are posted so my input could be helpful instead of seen as an invasion (which I can see why you feel that way)
This is a zero snark, zero drama post. This is a “we butted heads in a very unfriendly way and I’ve learned from it so I can contribute to a better community” post.
CORRECTION, I just realized we butted heads in this thread. There were a few heated threads about this topic around the same time so I got confused, but I remember your rainbow avatar because it makes me laugh 😉
Post # 100
j_jaye : Well, that blows about the CFBC threads. I wish some kind of self policing would work but I know that’s a pipe dream.
I’m not CFBC as i’m currently incubating a parasite but my bff is CFBC so I do understand the struggle and the need for a safe space to say “Hey, kids? Yeah, no. Not my thing.”
Post # 101
WeddingBee used to be owned by EHarmony – a religious based organization It is not surprising to me that they would not endorse the concept of being Child Free by Choice. Hence, “No Kids” woud be the most they could support.
Given that E Harmony sold WeddingBee to Internet Brands in 2011, perhaps you wil have more success in requesting a name change this time. I suggest you flood the Feedback and Support Boards with requests as they eliminated the Ideas Board previously mentioned.
Post # 102
julies1949 : That’s some really cool info, didn’t know that at all. Nor did I know the info in that article. I actually met my FH on eharmony.
If it’s coming from a very Christian perspective would explain why they won’t do a CFBC board.
Post # 103
Thanks so much for this information! Now it all makes sense.
Post # 104
knotyet : because there are people 100% sure they will never have kids, and build their lives around that knowledge, and are tired of being told they might change their minds.
Post # 105
Not all childfree bees are CFBC. Some of them are that way because of medical issues. Ideally, ‘No Kids’ includes them too.