Changing timelines and jealousy…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
9717 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

His sister’s engagement does not need to have any impact on your timeline. Pushing it off until her wedding is over is one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard. There’s no reason to put your lives on hold just because his sister got engaged. And there’s no reason to be bitter at her, by the way. Your boyfriend is the problem here, she is just living her life which is what the two of you should be doing.

Post # 3
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wait, why do you have to wait until her wedding is over? They get a day, not 2 full years.

Post # 4
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

justabee :  It sounds like the issue is with him. He’s not ready, his sister’s wedding has nothing to do with keeping your original timeline.  

Post # 5
Member
4552 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Uh yeah, what the others have said. What she is doing should have 0 impact on your timeline.

Post # 7
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

There’s no reason you need to wait. As long as you don’t pick the same wedding day, it’s fine. 

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

justabee :  …I guess…? I don’t know, my family didn’t spend any time planning my wedding. It was my and my DH’s, and we planned our own wedding. Also, how much vacation time must your SO actually take for his sister’s wedding? Is she planning on a destination wedding? Most people who came to my wedding even from out of town took one day off maximum.

I’m not expecting you to answer all these, I’m just letting you know that this all seems like it’s perhaps an overly complicated way of doing/seeing things that would have a not-totally-necessary effect of forcing you to delay your own things.

My only advice is make sure that you and your SO are doing the right things *for you,* not because of some non-existent “rules” or because his sister somehow needs her entire family to spend an excessive amont of time planning her wedding on her behalf. Good luck, bee!

ETA: If, however, you suspect these are your SO’s excuses because he’s nervous/not entirely ready, try to have an honest conversation about where you’re both coming from. Again, good luck! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

That’s because they’re not ‘justifications’… they’re excuses 

Post # 10
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Also stop being so rude about his sister’s engagement- pettiness and jealousy aren’t a good look

Post # 11
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wait… He told you you can’t have your wedding any time within those 2 years because his family would be too busy planning her wedding to make it to yours? 

Planning a wedding is a lot of work, but it’s not enough work to keep an entire family so busy that they can’t spend a day celebrating with you. I mean, fi and I are planning our wedding by ourselves, and we still make time for date nights twice a week. As the other bees have said, there is no reason why her wedding should prevent you from planning yours. I’m sorry bee, but I think he’s just making excuses. 

Post # 12
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I actually logged in to reply to this, that is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard! 

Your situation actually sounds like the one that I was in with my ex. We had been dating three years (1.5 long distance). I had a hot career in one city and he decided to go to grad school in another city. We already had a lot of issues, but that was the nails in the coffin for the relationship. (ironically my ex’s sister was getting engaged around that time) Family should not impact the wedding timeline. There is always the option for eloping as well. He needs to get his crap straight and prioritize the relationship. Sh*t or get off the pot. I would have a serious conversation, especially if y’all have already been dating 2.5 yrs, as him, “where do you see us in the next 6 months?” If you don’t like the answer, lose him. 

Post # 14
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

So really, you don’t know anything about his sister’s relationship.  Stop making assumptions and stop blaming her for your relationship problems.  The truth is that your boyfriend is on a different timeline than you are.  This has nothing to do with his sister and everything to do with HIM.  I guarantee you will start off on the wrong foot with his family if you hold onto this jealousy.  Be open to compromise with your boyfriend.

Post # 15
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

His sister has zero impact on whether you get engaged, this is simply him avoiding an engagement he is not ready for. Time to review what you want and when you want it and move forward on that basis with or without him. Best of luck. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors