Changing timelines and jealousy…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

He simply isn’t ready and he probably doesn’t want to keep talking about it either. It hasn’t been that long. I’d give it a rest for now. 

Post # 17
Member
9893 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

justabee :  My brother and I got married 4 months apart. Not all of our family members made it to both wedding (though I think that was more because thier date was 1 week before Christmas) but the majority did. And we both made it to each other’s weddings and took honeymoons.

Your boyfriend is giving you bullshit excuses. 

Post # 18
Member
31 posts
Newbee

THere is no rule that would need to wait for one sibling to finish their engagement and wedding in order for another sibling to get engaged or married. That’s dumb. what if his sister has a very long engament?  Everyone else has to put their life and relationships on hold for years until she gets her stuff done?  

My FI’s sister get engaged three years ago. It will be almost four by the time she gets married at the end of summer. We got engaged last year. When we got engaged they hadn’t even set the date yet and we had no idea if it was going to be another few years. We were  not willing to wait and or date is about a month after hers. It’s hard planning because  his family is very much wrapped into her wedding planning so their hasn’t been much discussion or assistance with ours other than simple plaitudes of let us know how we can help.  But my Fiance and myself has pulled it all together ourselves with all the vendors except for flowers and my makeup being found and booked within 2 1/2 months of setting a date. We approached it as a team and luckily we are on the same page in terms of what we want for the day so it made it easier. Some things he took the lead on because he has more of an interest in and I don’t care such as transportation and music and the save the dates and others I have taken lead on such as photography and decor and the cake. We check in and make sure the other is cool with everything. And it’s nice to see how work as a team in a stressful effort such as planning a wedding day. 

I think your partner is making excuses to buy time. Maybe he’s not ready to take that step yet. 

Post # 19
Member
6767 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

justabee :  People have already addressed the jealousy thing and I agree that his theory is a bit ridiculous.  However having been in a long distance relationship for several years (and we’re talking east vs. west coast US), I do think it’s extremely important that you take a different next step before getting engaged/married.  It doesn’t sound like you’ve been near each other, like to the point where you could be around each other every day, ever.  That’s a huge deal and there was no way I’d have jumped the gun on engagement without doing that.  You know his best self, his visiting self, his free time self.  What about the work-stressed on a Wednesday, doesn’t want to deal with house cleaning, vegging in front of a tv show you hate, not hearing you chat with him self?  Do you really, really know each other?  This could be part of the reason he’s hesitating, even if he’s not telling you that.  Who will be moving to whose city, for that matter?  Highly recommend that you take that step first, even if you don’t choose to live together.  Just being near each other makes a difference and could alter your future plans more than you’d expect.  It might also make him feel a lot more comfortable about taking that next step forward.

Post # 20
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

Posters here mostly seem to be a bit up in arms abotu the Boyfriend or Best Friend putting things off but can we just take a moment and acknowledge that the OP wrote “I wanted to get engaged earlier because I felt that the ring meant he would come back for me.”

Needing a ring, or an engagement as some sort of insurance to “guarentee” that your partner won’t change their mind about the relationship doesn’t really sound like “marriage ready” to me.

 

Post # 21
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

First of all, props to you for being patient and waiting for him to be done with school. I did the same while my (now fiance) finished his masters. We were long distance those entire 4yrs and he told me he wanted to wait until he graduated and got a job to get engaged. Thank heavens he kept his word, and asked me to marry him a few months after he found a full time job.

If your Boyfriend or Best Friend keeps on making excuses, then he’s just simply not ready yet. And if you are, then you need to find someone whose timeline is in line with yours. 

Wishing you the best!

Post # 22
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My sister and I got married 3 months apart. It was a non issue for everyone involved. I think the other bees have given some really good advice, but it just sounds like he isn’t ready and he found an excuse that sounded good to him.

Post # 23
Member
9324 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

how many people are involved with his sister’s wedding. not a single family member could attend another wedding in a 2 year time frame.  i planned my own wedding in 7 months with just help from my mom and husband. and I attended 3 other weddings during that time as well.

i would question your bf’s intentions.

Post # 24
Member
10090 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He don’t wanna marry you chicka. Nothing to do with his sister.

Post # 25
Member
10090 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

skunktastic :  Yes! Agree with all this as a former LDR bee myself.

Post # 26
Member
7669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It doesn’t sound good bee. He’s looking for reasons NOT to get engaged right now, but a man who really wants to marry you will be strategizing how to make it happen asap regardless of any extenuating circumstances.

Also agree with PP that your reason for wanting to get engaged now “so you know he’s coming back to you” or whatever you said is not a good one! You should already be fully secure in your relationship before getting engaged. If you really believe he is the one, then I think you owe it to the relationship to move to be together in the same city (whether you live together or not) and see how that goes for a period of months. 

Post # 27
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

tiffanybruiser :  I usually like your advice, but I disagree here. Especially if she is going to dedicate more time to this relationship, seeing that he cares enough to invest in a ring for her can help her to feel more secure while she waits. It lets her know that the relationship is headed somewhere and that he is not just “passing the time”

Post # 28
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

justabee :  My boyfriend gave me a promise ring 6 months into our relationship. He promised to always be there for me. This wasn’t a commitment, but I’ve worn it for 5 years and it means a lot to me. It’s weird he couldn’t even give you a promise ring. If it meant that much to you and him, he would do propose.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors