Post # 1
Bees, I could you some advice. My Fiance and I got engaged Aug 2011 and are planning a wedding for Aug 2013. We had our engagement party in October and wanted our Wedding Party to be there so we had asked the guys and the girls prior to the party.
Now it seems one of the guys Fiance had asked has been very distant and not acting like a friend at all. We live in VT and were visiting family in Boston (where he lives) and he would not come and meet us at any time. We basically said pick a day and time we are here Fri-Sun but wouldn’t come out once for no real reason (this has happened before too). And then to top it off he told his parents a lie about the whole weekend blaming it on Fiance.
They were very close growing up which is why he asked him. But now he is starting to feel like he needs to take him out of the Wedding Party. Has anyone experienced this before. What did you do? Is it completely wrong to tell someone no after being asked a few months ago?
Post # 3
@VermontBride13: You might try framing it this way: “We were wondering if maybe being in the wedding party was too much of an imposition on you right now, and we wanted to let you know that if you feel like you need to bow out, it’s okay, we’d understand and we won’t be upset.”
Post # 4
I ditto the previous poster. That would be the most simple way. Give him a chance to get out while implying that you feel something wrong.
Post # 5
I unfortunately had a similar problem with my Maid/Matron of Honor early on. I confronted her last year saying it seemed as if she wasn’t very supportive and didn’t seem to have the time. She apologized and completely changed her tune. She let me know recently that she was extremely depressed last year. Maybe something has happened in his life to make him act this way?
My sister-in-law actually had to “fire” her Maid/Matron of Honor. She was jealous and was more concerned about criticizing everything. She didn’t come to the wedding. She turned up a few months later engaged to a man she just met.
Post # 6
@KCKnd2 Very good answer. To the point and tactful.