(Closed) Changing your Last name?

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re right that it’s your choice.  I does echo a time when marriage was less equal than it is today, but it doesn’t really say anything about your relationship that you want to.  She’s definitely wrong to think it means that he owns you in any way.

What I think is wacked is that no one questions the fact that a child should have its father’s name.  But apparently there is so much social inertia in that direction – I don’t want children but if we have them, we will hyphenate their names since I am keeping my name.  My fiance is not ecstatic about this, but I told him he can do whatever he wants with his own name and any children he is able to give birth to. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 4
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

I’ll be changing mine. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m actually really excited about it, if I’m honest. I know what you mean though – I’ve copped a lot of {unwanted!} comments about it, even from family members, but eh, to each their own!

Post # 5
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that this is a really good point to make. 

I plan to take FI’s name, and we will give our children our name, but I want to point out something that often happens in our modern society. 

1. Divorced women with children have to choose between keeping the the name of their ex or having a different name from their child. 

This happened to FI’s mom. FI’s dad left her and married another woman with the same first name. Now there are two women running around with the same name, and it’s not the most common last name (it would be different if it were Smith) It’s kind of awkward for Fiance to explain to people, and I know FI’s mom would have LOVED to forget all about the situation by taking back her maiden name, but she didn’t b/c she wanted to have the same last name as her son. 

2. Divorced women with children sometimes remarry and have more children.

In this situation, the kiddos end up with different last names anyway. If the kids were named after their mommas, then this wouldn’t be an issue. 

I realize that I am going with tradition, but if a woman choses not to, then I think that’s ok too. 

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@tinylittlebird: Omg the same thing happened to DH’s family! His mom and stepmother have the same name! We call the stepmom Jane Doe the Second behind her back though, she’s not out favourite ๐Ÿ˜‰ But it is sort of creepy, what are the chances?!

Post # 7
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m keeping my last name and Fiance thinks I should too – Honestly, my first name and his last sounds strange together.  Even though I’ll have a different last name than our future kids, I’m ok with that and we talked about using my last name as a middle name for a son and another family name for a girl.  It’s all good.

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - University of Toronto Faculty Club

Of course it’s a choice!  You’re going to end up with a name passed to you by a man, so choosing your husband’s name over your father’s does not make you less of a feminist.  Good for you for making the best choice for you.

Post # 9
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I definitely don’t think changing your name means they own you! I’ve always wanted to change my name so I can be Mrs.X but I also value my family name and don’t want to give it up so I am making it my middle name as I don’t currently have one.

Post # 10
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@knitting: I agree with you that it’s a choice and doesn’t make someone less of a feminist, but I really abhor the argument that a woman can only posess a man’s name. That means that my fiance’s name is his father’s and he gets to take ownership of it whereas my name is my father’s and therefore it’s not really mine.  

Whether it’s the name you’re born with, or one you take later in life, your name is your name and not someone else’s.  It makes me sad to think of the idea being that a woman cannot claim a name as her own in the way men can.

Post # 11
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s very much a personal choice.  For me, I was excited to take my husbands name, and I have no regrets about it.  I’m still the same person I was before, but now I’m declaring publically that Anton is my family.  That’s how I see it at least.  ๐Ÿ™‚  For me too, it makes things easier.  My maiden name is very very common and my first name not much less common.  I get calls all the time for people that aren’t me, usually creditors.  Now my last name is very much not common!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@bakerella: Yeah, I’m interested to see what happens when we have kids. On both sides of his family, grandparents have been called “Grandma First Name”. On my side of the family, my grandparents were “Grandma/Grandpa Last Name” and my parents go by “Mamaw/Papaw First Name”

So, for his mom/step-mom, do we make one be “Grandma Last name” and one “Grandma First name”? is one Grandma and one Nana/Meemaw/etc? 

I am dreading that conversation! 

Post # 13
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

@Entangled: “My fiance is not ecstatic about this, but I told him he can do whatever he wants with his own name and any children he is able to give birth to.”

Hahahaha, love it! Almost made me spit my coffee out onto my desk!

Post # 14
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree that it’s a choice, and I don’t judge people for theirs. 

Personally, I am uncomfortable changing my name. I would understand if both people changed their name to symbolize their new married identity, but it seldom seems to work that way. I know that it’s “tradition” – but tradition of what? Personally, I couldn’t get around the weird connotations.

I completely agree with Entangled – the “it’s still a man’s name” argument really annoys me, and I am so weirded out that children automatically get their fathers’ names. No one really blinks twice at women not changing their names anymore (although to be perfectly honest I’m always surprised at the number of women who still do), but children with different names really seem to rock the boat. People always talk about wanting their children to have the same last names, but disregard the opinions of people who don’t share names with their siblings and/or parents.

I really don’t know what I’d name my children.

Post # 15
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I come from a divorced family and my mom remarried when I was young still so we have almost always had different last names. It doesn’t matter to me one bit or to her. So I don’t think the fear of your kids having different last names should factor into the equation. Also IMO I wouldn’t ever consider giving my kids my name in case we divorce because to me you are saying you aren’t fully committed to your marriage.

Post # 16
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am extremely feminist about all things wedding, but on this issue, I’m going with tradition.  I hate my last name, and can’t wait to change it.  It’s an awkward German name that no one can pronounce correctly, and even less people can spell correctly.  M’s name is much better.  I also really like the idea of our family unit having the same name.

@Entangled: I 100% agree with you!  It makes ZERO sense when a woman keeps her last name for “feminist reasons” and then gives all her children the husband’s last name.  Exactly what is feminist about that?  I’m not the biggest fan of hyphenating–because if everybody did it we’d end up with 2^n last names–but it’s better than the alternative.  What I think is a creative solution to the hyphenating thing is to alternate last names between the mother’s and the father’s.  I have a friend whose family is like this.

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