Post # 1
I’m in a bit of a bind here…
i have an Italian surname, for me it is a big part of my heritage and I am proud of it.
My HTB has an English surname.
I want to keep my Italian heritage but also have a matching name to my partners (especially so once we have kids)
ive asked him if he wants to double barrel our surnames but he doesn’t like he sound of it (it is a bit of a mouth full) and says I should just keep my own last name.
I dont know what to do!! Does anyone else have this situation also?
Post # 2
Yes. My FH has an American last name, and I have a European one. I wanted to keep mine but still have the same last name as my future kids and husband. I’m keeping mine as a middle name and our kids will do the same 😊
Post # 3
justalittlebee : that’s interesting. Did your husband also take your maiden name as his middle name too? So you are all ‘matching’ so to speak – that’s what’s important to me.
I suppose i feel like like if I take his name, I’m compromising because I loose my heritage. But if I keep my name, I don’t get to match him so that’s a compromise too! Frustrating!!!
Post # 4
I also have a very unique Italian last name. Hubs has a very generic Jewish last name. Between the love of my special name and the fact I’m a published researcher under my name, I kept my name. I figure if we have kids they can have his name. I don’t see any reason everyone needs matching surnames in 2018-it’s all a matter of choice
Post # 5
leahbeeah : for sure. I also am a published blogger/cookery author and am about to complete my finally year of grad school so I totally get that side of things.
Post # 6
Would he consider taking your name?
Post # 7
junebride19 : I double barreled, Darling Husband did not. We still have the same name as at least a part of our last names. Combined my last name is 5 syllables, and when I’m calling about appointments or anytime I have to tell someone my last name, I definitely put a heavy pause between the two to show they are separate. If I get a blank stare, or pause on the phone, I typically say something about it being 2 last names actually, just to clear it up.
Socially I just use DH’s name so it’s not quite the mouthful. I’d say if you want to keep your name, definitely do it, and if you want to add your husband’s, do that too.
Post # 8
kia2019 : nope! He’s proud of his name the same way I am. He’s not pressuring me to take his but I really want us to match. I just feel like I’m the only one compromising here you know?
Post # 9
junebride19 : No, he didn’t want to take my name. So it’ll just be me and our future kids that’ll have my maiden name as a middle name. I didn’t have a middle name to start with so it was fine with me. I wish he would have taken mine though, but I think he felt that a part of his “man role” would disappear with it haha.
Post # 10
I’m adding my maiden name as a second middle name, and taking on my husband’s last name. This way I keep my maiden, but have the same last name as my kids. Socially I’ll switch over to the new last name, professionally I’ll likely have both for awhile before switching over to the new one fully.
Post # 11
junebride19 : So what it boils down to is that you want him to take your name in some way, shape, or form. The thing is…he gets to decide his own name the same as you get to decide yours. You can’t MAKE him match whatever name you want for yourself. If you want to take his last name and switch yours to your middle, then do it. But it’s up to him what he does with HIS name.
I did not take my husband’s name. My last name is super important to me. We have a son and we compromised by having my last name be our son’s middle name and he shares the same last name as my husband. It works for us and I love that both of our names our included in my son’s name.
Post # 12
It’s a very personal decision and there is no right answer.
For myself, after thinking long and hard about it, I have decided I will not be changing my name legally, but socially I will tack his short name onto the end of my longer one. We already sign cards and things as “He and Her MyLast-HisLast” and will continue to do so, though I don’t believe he plans to begin referring to himself publicly with both our names.
For me, it comes down to not wanting to lose the identity I have had for over 30 years but at the same time wanting to recognise that I am part of his family now and that they/him are part of my identity.
Post # 13
junebride19 : I am very attached to my surname, it’s been mine for 33 years and I was never going to give it up. FH knew this, we both decided that double barrelling just wouldn’t work, but we wanted the same name as each other and our future kids, so he is taking mine. He said himself he has no attachment to it and is happy to take mine as long as I help him with the admin!
Post # 14
junebride19 : I’m moving my maiden name to my middle name and taking fiance’s last name, my maiden name means a lot to me but I wanted to have the same last name as my husband so that was my solution.
Post # 15
It’s a hard decision if one wasn’t brought up to believe that changing the last name is part of being married.
There was no way I’d drop my name. To him it seemed important to have the same name. So I asked him why he wouldn’t take my name then. Uh. That worked him up. Because it’s tradition. Tradition my pretty behind. He had some other pretty lame excuses as for why we needed the same name – same as in me taking his. They where lame and he knew it after I was done with him. He then was okay with me just keeping my name (as if he had any say in that decision to begin with)
To compromize I added his last name. No hyphen. He added my last name as his second middle name. Socially I insist on people recognizing that I have two names. If that’s to long, feel free to call me by „my“ last name.
The good thing about this route was, that I didn‘t have to change anything „old“ but I just left everything as it was with just one last name. I know that in the US this route is uncommon but it works just fine.
PS: I am just to worked up about this right now. I am sorry. I am hormonal and I just googled how to RSVP to a wedding (in the US) and everywhere I read „Mr. and Mrs. John Doe“. That’s wrong on so many levels and so odd to me that I got totally worked up about it! 😂 And, yeah, I didn’t choose that option for the RSVP obviously…