Post # 76
Your published friends can use their maiden names professionally, if it means that much to them. I have plenty of friends who did this. I didn’t want to change my name at first, but that the thing about life, I changed my mind.
Post # 77
Pretty much every wife here changes their name, so I always expected to. It’s legally easier for women to change it using the marriage certificate than for men (whether it should be or not, it’s still the case) I didn’t mind having his surname (nothing embarrassing or hard to spell) and he would have changed his if I had said absolutely no way I’d change mine, but we both wanted to have the same name if we ever have a family.
Post # 78
I think the comments here about countries that do not allow someone to change their name are strange in that they all focus on women’s rights and how “she” doesn’t have a choice. Isn’t it unallowed for ANYONE to change their names in those countries? So I think focusing on the one gender and claiming women don’t have a choice there is rather odd and dramatic. Unless it’s legal for men and not women…
Don’t judge me too harshly for potentially missing the point or for not making sense. I’m sick and in bed today 🙁
Post # 79
I kept my name when I got married. I’m in the “feminism is about personal choice” camp and love that I live in a country and time when I can choose what to do with my name and other women can as well.
Post # 80
nifer317 : You’re making a good point, but I still think that when you stop allowing something that traditionnaly only half the population does, it’s still attacking the freedom of that group… The vast majority of name changing in marriage was made by the women so making that illegal is attacking women’s freedom… I think women should have the right to decide if they follow a tradition or not, even if the tradition is sexist in a way. But of course, if you allow it, it should be allowed for men to change their name too
Post # 81
I took my husband’s name because that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to have the same name as him and our child.
That being said, if anyone else chooses to keep their own name because that’s what they want to do, then I think that’s great too.
To the ladies who get upset about other ladies changing their names on the grounds that it perpetuates an antifeminist agenda, I would venture to say that you are actually the ones being antifeminist because you’re questioning and debating with a woman about her own personal choices for herself. True feminism is about women making their own choices. Same goes for feminists that get upset about women deciding to be stay at home moms. I think women shouldn’t do whatever the hell makes them happy, wether it be to take their husband’s name or keep their own. Be a stay at home mom or the CEO of a multi million dollar company. It’s the woman’s choice. And to me that is what feminism is. Or at least what it should be.
Post # 82
Interesting… I’m in my mid 20s and don’t know a single woman personally who didn’t change her name. Not one! I’ve lived in major cities too. Not small towns. Hmmm
I do know a couple who came up with a completely new name together but that’s it. Don’t know anyone who hyphenated either.
I’ll be honest, I struggled with changing my name. I was the only person on the planet with the combination of my first name and surname as it is an extremely rare Hungarian surname that my dad’s family brought him them to my home country after the war. I’m also extremely attached to my family and their name.
But, I’m a traditionalist (which is my right and my choice) through and through and I always knew I wanted to take my husbands surname, join his family (which is filled with amazing women) and have our future children feel part of this unit.
I’ve been married 3 months now and we recently moved to a new city, I won’t lie that it’s been weird knowing the people I’ve met here will never even know my maiden name when I feel like that’s practically my identity. But in the same breath I feel like get to start over in a sense. Which is nice too.
I think it can be conflicting but at the end of the day women won’t progress until we all support each other’s choices even when we disagree with them. Change starts here, with us.
Post # 83
MrsCoffeeSnob : Any published friends can also keep their maiden names legally but use the married name socially. If their job is closely tied with the publications, that might make more sense. Different people choose different paths on this one.
Post # 84
I love my surname however I am more than happy to change it once I get married. I love the fact that we will be ‘The Talbot’s’
Post # 85
If you don’t change your name, it can be awkward for your children. I love that his name will just be one more thing we can share. Really, it’s the same kind of symbol as an engagement ring and wedding band. It’s a sign to others that you’re married.
Post # 86
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
Sooo… what about my situation with DH taking my last name?
There’s still a name change, it’s just the male instead of female changing names. This has stirred up a lot of chatter when we’ve mentioned it. Even from people who know why we came to that decision. DH had a lot of published poetry under his previous name as well, but was willing and wanted to change his name to mine.
Does this make me a psychotic feminist in some people’s eyes? Does it make my husband a psychotic feminist too?
I think we need to stop judging each other and start respecting each others decisions whether you agree or disagree. Appreciate the fact that we all have a choice and can do what suits ourselves best. Using name calling tactics because you disagree is very immature. Let’s be adults and have a reasonable conversation without jumping down eachothers throats.
If you’re curious about someones decision… ask them why they came to that decision, don’t be condescending.
Post # 87
I’m changing my name shortly as my current last name came along from my exhusband. DH obviously doesn’t really care for that.
Post # 88
nifer317 : I agree with you. Not sure if you were really referring to my comment but I was simply listing places where you can’t (or just don’t) change your name, to highlight that changing your name after marriage is by no means a universal tradition. It also shows that having different legal names isn’t a problem, since entire countries do it that way just fine. A blanket rule about name changing is hardly a great hardship (unless you have a truly awful name I suppose, whether you’re male or female!)
Post # 89
DH’s last name happens to rhyme with my first name so it was a no brainer to keep my maiden name. I mean it would be diffiuclt to have a more rediculous soudning name than my first name with his last name.
But if we have children they will have his name, no hyphenating, just his. His name is fine for literally every name other than my first name.
Post # 90
I’m not planning on changing mine. I will be a Dr by the time we get married, and it’s been a long and hard road. I’ve always dreamt of being Dr. MyLast since I was a little girl. I don’t want to give that dream up and my FH understands that. Also, I’ll be the first Dr in the family!
Something we’ve discussed is having our children take his last name, but giving all of our children my last name as their middle names. Now, my last name doesn’t really work as a middle name, as it is very clearly a last name. But I really don’t care lol. I’m the last one in my family with my name since there are no boys. I’m pretty excited about the idea!