(Closed) changing your name

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I also don’t understand. I guess my thoughts are that “yes, my name has been with me for the past 29 years, but theoretically FH and I will be married longer than that and my new name will be with me to represent the years we have together.”

Sure, I’ll be confused for a few months when signing my name or responding to people, but I’ll get over it. It’s like moving, eventually you associate your new address with “home”.

But, to each their own – not looking to start a war, just to share opinions.

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

All of my business contacts, college degrees, are in one name.  And my name is currently 4 letters.  Changing to 10 is going to be difficult. 

Post # 5
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

People have attachment to their names for a variety of reasons – anything from career-related to a link to their past to just plain loving their name more than their partners.  I can understand all these reasons and it certainly is an individual choice, but I know I will still be me (whether MyLast or HisLast) regardless.  I guess I grew up always thinking that women took their husband’s last name (because that is what everyone I knew did) and so that is what I will do too.  I am excited to be his wife – both through marriage and in name (even though a name does not make a marriage). 

Post # 6
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m very traditional, so I’ll definitely be changing mine.

I don’t really get why people are insistent on keeping their own name unless they just like their name better or something. (Like Sarah Smith sounds nicer than Sarah Humperdink lol) but as for “losing your identity” reasons… it’s just a name. You are still you even if you take on a different name. That I don’t get.

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I used to be this person and then my Mother-In-Law didn’t exactly welcome me to the family so that made me hesitant to change it.  Then I realized it wasn’t about her, but about Darling Husband and I. 

Post # 8
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t have any problem with it either!  I see it as a normal part of life and our culture and always knew I would!  I see no problem with it.  I worry for the grooms of those who don’t – do they take them less seriously as a wife?  Mr. & Mrs. “uhhh”.  What about your kids, whos name will they have?  I don’t get it.

Post # 9
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My mild sadness over my eventual name change comes from my attachment to my family. Of course, I know that my Fiance will become my family, but it’s hard to remove that link to my parents and the rest of my family.

Post # 10
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Gemstone: … but you’re still part of your family. How does a name change that? You are still just as much part of your family as you are part of his now.

Post # 11
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve never really understood people’s resistance to the name change either.  I’m excited to take my DH’s name!  That doesn’t mean that I don’t like my maiden name or that I’ll be losing my identity or family.  To each their own I guess but this is one thing I don’t think I’ll ever really understand.

Post # 12
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel the opposite way – thinking about the possibility of changing my name actually makes me physically ill.  My palms start to sweat, I get nauseated, and then I start to get really, irrationally angry.  If I for some reason did take his name, we both know I would resent him for it for the rest of our marriage.

This isn’t the place to bore everyone with the details of why this is such a big deal for me, but what I am saying is that it took awhile to get beyond the intensity of my opinions and feelings re: myself and my relationship and to realize that for other people names and traditions are just not such a big deal.

Post # 13
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@DeathByDesign: I guess it’s hard to explain. I’m like you in that I’m traditional—I will be changing my name. I’m excited and wistful about it at the same time. But I think that it’s not *just* a name to everyone. I understand you don’t share that sentiment (and that’s perfectly fine!). I think it’s just personal from bride to bride.

Post # 14
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My issues with taking my husband’s last name had nothing to do with identity.  It simply feels wrong to me that the default is HIS name.  I understand where the tradition comes from but I am a firm believer that once a tradition becomes outdated, it should be re-evaluated. 

In the end, we both changed our last names.  It was not about identity – it was about equality.

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m with Entangled and Gemstone, it’s a family thing for me.  My family is very well known around here, and in a good way, I’m proud of my last name.  So I’m going to hyphenate. 

Post # 16
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@runskiclimb: The equality issue is, I think, what takes it from being a preference for keeping my name to having such a visceral reaction.  I want to be on equal footing with my future husband – just as he’s gone through life expecting that the name he’s had his whole life is his to keep, that’s how I feel.  I’m all for going through a surprising change together (i.e. both of us hyphenating, making up a new name), but not alone.

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