- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Thanks to everyone who replied. Your kind words and support are all that is getting me through this right now.
My husband knows. He was the first to know. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to be empathetic. He says that we have a plan now and I need to get over it and follow the plan (the plan being seeking medical assistance). I called my mom and told her too. She’s a lot more empathetic but she doesn’t entirely understand since conceiving was so easy for her. She actually aborted her first baby because she wasn’t ready, so I don’t think she can possibly understand how I feel. Although I support a woman’s right to choose, I personally could never abort a baby, even if I knew there was something wrong with him/her. I’ve always felt that way, even before finding out about my PCOS. Those are the only two people I’ve told. I really didn’t want anyone else to know. It was hard just to post about it here. I’m trying not to be negative, but I’ve always been a downwards spiraler. It’s currently hard to find anything to be positive about.
ATM, I’m just seeing my OB/GYN. I’m not sure if she’s going to refer me to an RE or not yet. Does she have to refer me? Are REs the only ones who can prescribe Clomid? I think my DH should have his sperm tested too just to be sure that we know the full picture of what’s going on. He agreed that he’s willing to get tested and understands it’s important to find out. But he also doesn’t have a PCP and can’t even remember the last time he’s seen a Doctor for anything. So, we’re not sure how to start this process.
You’re correct that I don’t have the blood work results yet. But I don’t see how they could possibly be good. It is clear from charting that I’m not ovulating. And the ultrasound tech could clearly see a ring of pearls around both of my ovaries with no dominant follicles developing in either. So if it’s not PCOS, there’s something
wrong. Clomid seems to have good statistics on helping women conceive, but I’m also worried about the higher rate of miscarriages and multiples. I hope this is the worst news I get and that everything is uphill from here. This infertility stuff is hitting me really hard. Much harder than I thought it would. I don’t know if I can handle anything worse.
I guess that’s part of why I feel so awful. It’s like natural selection or something. I can’t reproduce on my own, so I’ve been chosen as unfit to become a mother. I know it’s ridiculous, but I honestly feel like taking pills to achieve a child is circumventing nature. I feel like it’s wrong. I keep flip-flopping on whether or not I want to do it. I suppose you’re right that once the child is here, it doesn’t really matter how he/she came to be. But I guess there’s still that part of me that disagrees and thinks it does matter. I don’t know. Do people often talk about how they conceived? I know birth stories are talked about a lot. I guess I just don’t want to have to tell people that I couldn’t do it naturally without intervention. Maybe I’m just being absurd.
Oh no! I’m glad no one was hurt. I hope that you hear good news, or if you don’t, that you respond well to treatment and conceive quickly. I actually have a really bad track record of hitting other cars when I’m upset. 🙁 I haven’t left the house since Monday.
Thanks. I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis and cycle problems as well. I would probably call the clinic in a day or two if your temp doesn’t rise. They may want to do something other than the progesterone testing if you won’t be at 7DPO like they expect.
I’m trying to tell myself this. When you’re sick or get an infection, there’s nothing wrong with taking medication. People don’t just lay down and accept death because of natural selection. So I shouldn’t feel this way about TTC.
I’m sorry to hear about your DH’s struggles. Maintaining faith in God is always easier during good times than bad. I know He can work miracles. I know I have to trust Him. But right now I’m just filled with pain. I don’t know why God makes anyone go through this. There doesn’t seem to be anything positive or good that comes from it.
I definitely don’t feel like this will ruin motherhood for me. I’m honestly just worried that this is the beginning of the end, of more bad news to come that will eventually result in my inability to ever become a mother.
I’m sorry to hear that your TTC journey is difficult too. I hope you get your BFP soon! We can support each other to be more positive. It’s definitely easier to sit and cry than buck up.