Post # 1
My best friend of 10+ years just got married. Since she lives in another state I helped her plan the wedding, shop for items and even helped her book a restaurant for her rehearsal dinner and book a salon for the wedding day. I planned her bridal shower and bachelorette party and I included her in on all the plans so that it was exactly what she wanted. I took the brunt of the costs and shared the rest with the other bridesmaids. The bridesmaids and I even flew out to buy an expensive bridesmaid dress at our expense. She didn’t pick us up at the airport and she didn’t offer to buy us lunch.
What I’m getting at is the bride gave us a homemade gift of a collage. I knew she had bought the frames from Walmart for $2. Although I appreciate the time she took to make a prepare these gifts it just doesn’t seem right or appropriate to me. It makes me feel like although she was on a budget, the bridesmaids weren’t expected to be on one.
Am I wrong for being upset that I got a homemade gift? Is it ever appropriate to give a homemade gift such as a collage?
Post # 3
Well….I always appreciate homemade gifts since they can take a tremendous amount of time,thought and effort to make,but a collage of pictures as a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift should have been an extra (in my mind) and not the entire gift.
You did do a lot and she WAS being cheap. 🙁
Post # 4
I think it’s fair to feel the way you do, given how much the bride expected you to lay out for her big day. It comes off like she wants the whole big fancy wedding experience, except when SHE has to pay for it. If she hadn’t asked you to spend much on her day, then it would be a different story. I don’t think inexpensive homemade gifts are “tacky” in general, but in this specific situation, it seems inappropriate to me as the sole gift she gave you.
Post # 5
I believe that she should have given another gift as well as the collage. I don’t think there is any problem with it as long as it is accompanied by another gift.
Post # 6
I think it shouldnt have been the only gift. def a little cheap if she didnt do anything to accomodate you guys
ie. lunch and things or offer to pay for a little bit.
Post # 7
I don’t think homemade gifts are a bad idea, but I do think if it is the only gift then the bride is being cheap!
I have the problem of my bridesmaid thinking I’m cheap. I’ve bought her dress, shoes, a pashmina wrap, necklace/earring set, hairstyle day of, mani/pedi day before, and free drinks at the reception, but apparently that isn’t enough. She was saying how the best wedding she went to they all wore silk dresses, got real pearl bracelets, and $500 in spa credit. While nice, I don’t have $2000 to devote to Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts. Plus I wasn’t a bridemaid at her own wedding and I know she didn’t do any of that.
Post # 8
I didn’t vote because I can’t categorize this because I feel both ways about it. I think JUST a picture collage is very cheap and I would be a little upset too. I’ve been in the bridesmaid position of helping with EVERYTHING and now I’m in the bride position. I am giving my bridesmaids a homemade gift but ALSO buying them something nice as well. I think a simple picture collage is too cheap no matter what the budget is. If you expect your bridesmaids to pay for hair, dresses, shoes, gifts, etc then you should at least try to figure out something to purchase that says thank you-something your bridesmaids will be excited about or can use. I’m sorry you did so much and feel a litte underappreciated!
Post # 9
Yeah i’d be upset. I feel like when you ask your bridesmaids to shell out a lot of money, you should at least reciprocate with something nice. I’m all about homemade gifts, but to give only that in lieu of actually saying thanks and spending a little bit of money isn’t ok in my book. It basically says “spend all this money on me but i’m not going to spend any on you”.
I think the homemade gift only is cheap, though. She should’ve provided a service or helped with the dress or SOMETHING.
Post # 10
I’m in my friends wedding in a few months. When she asked me to be in the wedding I knew it would come with costs. When anyone agrees to be in a wedding they should know they will have to pay for certian things (gifts, dress, hair…) as well as help plan. The bride should always respect that and understand just how much she is asking others. Your friend doesn’t seem very thankful for everything you have done for her. Even if she can’t afford an expensive gift she still should have done something more to show you how thankful she is.
Post # 11
I think that such a personal gift says alot more then quickly going out to purchase something. I can understand why you feel this way seeing the expense you went to. And to tell you the truth I am only having one bridesmaid because I will be buying her dress and paying for her hair etc. I don’t believe she should have to wear the weight of the expense of my wedding. So i guess I can see it from both sides in a way.
Post # 12
I answered the poll differently than I would answer your specific question. I think it’s okay (and sometimes even treasured more) to give a handmade gift. Usually they require more time, care, and thoughfulness and imho it’s nicer than recieving some costume jewelry or a clutch that will probably never be worn after the wedding.
On the other hand, if this was the sole gift from your bride I don’t think it’s appriopriate especially since she didn’t even pick you up at the airport or pay for lunch. Usually the bride at least takes her girls out for a bridal brunch or SOMETHING! It seems as though she didn’t care or understand all of the sacrifices you and the bridesmaids actually made for her wedding.
Post # 13
@seravictoria – Not to be rude, but it doesn’t sound that your bridesmaid thinks your cheap – it sounds like she’s trying to get whatever she can out of you. It is understood that there are many expenses along with the honor aspect of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she expects to pay nothing and only receive expensive gifts and treatments as her duty of being a bridesmaid, then she shouldn’t rightfully be anyone’s bridesmaid. She’s making your wedding all about her! Not cool.
Post # 14
I almost feel that the bride’s gift to you maids is a separate issue from the major expense you went through. I appreciate her attempt to personalize her gifts. I personally love giving photos/collages/etc as gifts. Whether I’d give it as a bridesmaid gift is a different story, but I don’t think that’s the major issue here.
On a separate strand, she expected a lot (too much) out of your bridesmaids, both in terms of time and money. That’s where the real problem lies. She took the generosity of her bridesmaids for granted, when she should be making you feel so special.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Post # 15
Alright…I think Home-made gifts are fine as long as a lot of time and effort, and thought, are put into them.
That being said, I also think you deserve something more for everything you’ve done. When did she give you the gifts? Perhaps she’ll give you another one at the Rehearsal Dinner or the wedding?
Post # 16
I think if she had the money to buy you something nice then she is being cheap.
That said, I kind of hate this whole: I’m a bridesmaid and I agreed to be one and I agreed as a friend to help out – and expecting something in return.
If you agree to be a bridesmaid – your already agreeing to some expenses (if you can’t afford them you can just say “no”). Beyond that I feel like a lot of people will volunteer to help with things because they are friends (helping book things etc) – if you are volunteering to help you shouldn’t really expect more than a sincere Thank You.