(Closed) Cheap Father

posted 8 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would sit down and get an exact figure from him that he is comfortable with contributing.  And then you can ask if you should split that over several months or what.  I gave my mom (at her request) a list of all the things to pay for and what date it was due.  She chose to hand over a check and let me pay for it.

Post # 4
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Um…this sounds really greedy. He’s not required to “hand over the cash and stop being so cheap”. Be greatful for what you have.

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Parents aren’t required to contribute. Their generousity is up to their own discretion. How your dad chooses to spend his money is his own business, you don’t get any say over it, just like people don’t get a say over how you spend your money. I think @talishazwi gave excellent advice.

Post # 6
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well, first I think you’re a troll, considering your post-count is a whopping 2 and you picked such a subject.

And if you’re not a troll, pay for your own wedding. You dad is not required to give you anything.

Post # 7
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well no one is required to pay for anyone else’s wedding, and your dad not doing so doesn’t make him cheap. Its his money that he worked for – he can spend it however he wants.

Since you have 10 months before your wedding, maybe you could sit down with him and have a discussion about what he feels comfortable giving you for wedding money, either now, or within the next few months (if he thinks he will have more disposable income then). If he insists that any money given should be used on a house down payment, or has any other strings attached which you can’t live with, then you have your answer, and will need to pay for your wedding some other way.

Post # 8
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@abbyful:  my thoughts exactly

Post # 9
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

youre a big girl, if youre old enough to get married your old enough to pay for it yourself. if your dad does not want to give you any money then thats his choice. he is not required to give you anything so you should be thankful for even a small amount

Post # 10
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I dont think many people here are going to be so sympathetic to your situation, just FYI.

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@abbyful: really?! what you said is not constructive.

I think that the OP could have worded her post better…. but to give my advice, you need to know how much money you have to plan your wedding.  I agree with the poster who suggested you sit down with your dad and let him know that you need a commitment from him so you can move forward with plans.  If he isn’t comfortable contributing the the wedding, then you will have to make do without his help.

I am fortunate that my parents are paying for my wedding, and that they were up front with me about the budget I had to work with.  If I were to get engaged and they said they no longer intended to pay for my wedding, I would be kind of upset since I’ve been told my whole life that was something they would do for me when I got married and I never saved/planned to pay for it myself.  I assume you grew up in the same kind of household to assume your father would pay for your wedding and to be upset by his actions now.

Post # 12
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Chantal Nicholle: This sounds like a troll post to me.

Your father is not obligated to give you money, period, for anything, let alone a big party. If you can’t afford a wedding, you can have a lovely courthouse ceremony and a great, intimate dinner out. It isn’t your father’s responsibility!

Post # 13
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I understand needing to know how much money someone is going to contribute so maybe you should sit down with him and discuss how much he’s planning on contributing and when he thinks he can do that? 

It is his money though so I don’t think you should necessarily go into the conversation with the attitude of “he’s always been greedy with money”. He has a right to be, seeing as he’s had to work hard to earn it. And I think if you act humble and gracious, people are more likely to want to help you more than if you poke out your lip when you don’t get what you want. Just some advice.

Post # 14
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mcnetn3: I don’t think she is referring to her as an “ugly troll” like “an ugly skank” but rather as a “blog troll” – someone who posts a controversial topic just to start some drama. Correct me if I am wrong, @abbyful

I would agree that your father does not have to give you money. It is completely his choice. My dad hasn’t offered me money, and I am not bitter – I know he doesn’t have a ton of money and even if he did, it’s his money to spend on what he chooses.

Post # 16
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

I’m always amazed at folks who expect their parents to pay for their weddings.  My mom always said she’d pay for my dress and even when she offered that I knew I wouldn’t buy some high end designer dress cause I would feel guilty forever about it.

I never expected anyone to pay for my wedding.  If your dad only wants to give you a $100 you should be happy – it’s $100 more dollars than you had when you started planning.  You are an adult and your father has a right to do with his money as he chooses, and that includes not giving you any of it. 

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