(Closed) Cheap MOH making my sister’s shower stressful! (long rant)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I think that a cake might be a big undertaking for someone inexperienced with that sort of thing.  And maybe she can’t afford to purchase a nice cake?  Maybe her finances can’t warrant such things..?

As for the message being worded rudely, could you elaborate?  Maybe she was feeling defensive about your messages?  I think that if she was supposed to plan it, then you should have let her b/c to me it seems like you’ve done alot already and maybe she had a different idea about how the shower was supposed to go.  I don’t think it’ll be a huge deal not to have a cake, but if you feel upset about it then maybe purchase a sheet cake from a grocery.

Also, things are solved more simply when people do them face-to-face but I think you indicated you’re from out of town so that might be more difficult.  Maybe the day prior, you could stay with your little sister so you can finalize everything the day prior.

Sorry if my wording is harsh, I kind of skimmed it and it does seem a bit harsh.  Sorry, not my intention 🙁

Post # 5
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a girl like this in my wedding and really I dont think she should be in the wedding. For the other girl she had to have the attention in the room or she wasnt happy. She made the bride and other BM’s miserable. Is she married already…maybe shes jealous? Or is she just plain lazy? For whatever the reason, since face-to-face isnt an option, I’d at least call her and get to the bottom of it. Find out why shes not participating as much as she should. There could be an underlying cause. As for the cake cupcakes are great for a shower! That way you can assemble them on a tray and put one letter on each mini-cake. Spell out congrats and put exclamations on the end. Draw a ring or wedding bell on them. Spell out their names and wedding date. Get a head count of how many is coming and count up the letters. It also a plus in the end, fewer dishes and clean up is a breeze.


Post # 6
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Actually, making a 9×13 cake is WAY easier than making cupcakes. You can buy a mix. You mix up the batter, you pour it in a greased 9X13 pan. You bake it. You ice it. That is about it.

I’m not really sure what to suggest to make it better. It sounds like she really doesn’t want to be involved. Maybe you could buy an inexpensive cake (for the writing) that is small and supplement it with her cupcakes?

Post # 7
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honestly, you do sound like you are stepping on her toes.  If you and your family want to have a shower for your sister with specific things in mind, then you should just throw one yourselves, especially if you feel like the Maid/Matron of Honor is incapable of handling it properly herself.

Post # 8
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would 300x rather make cupcakes than cake – and if I offered to bring cupcakes and was told to make a cake instead, I wouldn’t make the cake because I don’t feel confident in my ability to do so.  So I don’t think her response there was unreasonable.  Also, my feelings would be hurt (don’t know if hers are, but mine would be) – as I was offering to cover the dessert and was told my offerings weren’t good enough.  Your email was super polite, but at the base of it you were telling her you didn’t like her idea.  After that I’d probably turn passive agressive too and say “fine you tell me what you want me to do if I didn’t do a good enough idea”.

Clearly your sister knew the girl she was choosing as her MoH if they were in a wedding together previously, and she still chose her.

Also while I know you feel she should be chipping in more money – I really think money is a personal affair and we shouldn’t be instructing people how to spend theirs.  Regardless of whether she has a full time job or not, she still gets to choose where all of her money goes.

I’m sure everything will be fine – showers are simple, nobody is expecting anything fancy I hope?  As long as the bride is there and guests are there, it will be a fun party.

Post # 11
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If this is the MOH’s shower that *she* is throwing, you are definitely stepping on her toes. I understand that you want everything to be nice for your sister, but if you wanted to control every aspect of games/food/cake preferences, you could throw your sister your own shower. You need to back off a bit, or you are going to have some seriously hurt feelings.

Four years ago I was the Maid/Matron of Honor for my college roommate. She loved everything Ralph Lauren (we often joked about her addiction to Polo) and I threw her (tried to throw her) a Ralph Lauren themed shower. We did custom Polo horse invites, asked all the guests to bring a Ralph Lauren gift, ordered a cute Polo cake with tiny pink horses all over it. 3 weeks before the shower, the bride’s mom called me and told me the bride wanted a traditional shower and hated the Polo idea that I had put so much thought and work into. I cried and cried. That was basically the end of our friendship. I threw her the shower she requested, but I thought it was so rude at the time (and ungrateful).


You don’t get to dictate what type of shower you recieve, or decide what type of shower someone else throws for your friend or sister.

Post # 12
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Maybe I’m biased because I had a bad experience with my Future Mother-In-Law getting involved with my Maid/Matron of Honor in regards to a shower.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that if your sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor wants to throw her a shower, let her do it her way.  And if you don’t like how she’s handling it, then throw a shower yourself where you can be in control of all the aspects.

Maybe you put the Maid/Matron of Honor on the spot by even asking her about it.  Maybe if she wanted your assistance she should have came to you first, rather than the other way around.  I just think that if you want your sister’s shower to be perfect, then you and your mother should be the hosts.

Post # 15
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

TexasLawGirl- My FDiL is a law student at Baylor. Go Bears:-)

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