(Closed) Cheap parents, tacky wedding.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh girl. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you do have to give up control when you give up paying for it. I know, trust me, my parents are paying for it.

That said, they’re making it really hard for you. Can you just elope/would you? I mean, that might be the best choice for you–you don’t want your son to remember your wedding, your parents are stiffing you big time and you and your Fiance are busy people!

And FWIW… your parents should have either set a budget for you or checked the price of weddings, first… $1500 is going to make your GUESTS uncomfortable, and that’s something everyone needs to recognize.

Post # 4
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am sure things will come together. Have you tried sitting down just you and your parents (and Fiance if he is confortable) and talking about your vision for the wedding. Maybe if they heard X is so important to me, this is how I see it looking and give them options they would bend more on the really important things. Other wise maybe there are ways you could do some DIY decor ideas to make it feel more your own.

Post # 5
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is a tough situation and I feel for you.  Like laboroflove, I’m wondering if eloping is an option for you two.  That way, you can get married without stressing yourself out over your parents and your son will still be young. 

I am surprised that your dad thought $10 a person was too much money for that much food.  That seems like an awesome deal!  I don’t think you could even buy that much food and cook for 130-150 people for that price.

Also, is it possible to cut the guest list?  If you had a small, intimate wedding you could definitely have room to work within whatever budget your parents eventually decide on.

Post # 7
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Oh no, I am SO sorry you’re dealing with this.  My Future In-Laws sound a lot like your parents.  I mean, I KNOW how much money they have but they are the cheapest. people. ever.  They’re not paying for the wedding at all, and my parents are being very generous, so I’m not having to deal with your situation, but I can only imagine what it would be like if they were in charge of the budget.  That being said….unless you are paying, I don’t think there’s a lot you can do.  Unless you can sit down and have an honest conversation with your dad; let him know how much his attitude is hurting you–do you think that would have any effect on him?  Good luck–just remember, no matter what else happens, at the end of the day, you’ll be married!  And that’s a wonderful thing!

Post # 8
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Um, your dad is insane. I have no idea how you are going to get cheaper than $10/person for a full meal. That is a steal!

I think you said in another post that your wedding is mainly church friends of your parents? Here is what I suggest–have the reception in the church basement, just cake and punch. That’s fairly traditional, you could do that for under $10/person for food, you can probably have the church basement for free, and it would be straightforward.

At $1,500 for 150, you are spending $10/person, including your dress, invitations, etc. I assume there is some sort of cost for the church, pastor, etc–let’s round that up to $500. Then you have $1,000 left. Then you have $6.60 left for each person. I would send out the most basic invitations possible–even postage is going to cost you $66, let’s say you spend another $40 on invitations, so that’s $100, have people phone RSVP, hold a simple bouquet made from grocery store flowers, no centerpieces, or music or dancing. Serve sheet cake–let’s say that’s $300, make a non-alcoholic punch ($100?), you need some sort of cups and plates and napkins ($50?). So far, that would be about $550. I’m assuming that you and your fiance can pay for wedding rings and his outfit and your dress (including shoes accessories.) (Or maybe could you ask the church for potluck dishes for a meal?) Look! You still have $500 extra for unexpected costs!

Give up on the photography idea–have your guests take photos and post them onto a website like Flickr. Have you read the website $2,000 wedding? It has lots of good ideas: http://2000dollarwedding.com/ Honestly, people put too much emphasis on professional photos–it’s a recent development, and you don’t need them!

 

Post # 9
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand you being nervous about the photographer.  That’s one of the most important aspects of your wedding.  I completely disagree with the statement that people put too much emphasis on professional photos- and it is NOT that recent of a development.  My own parents had a professional photographer!  Bottom line, your photos are the only thing you will have once the day is done to remember the day by, and they should be nicely done.  Does the student your dad is thinking of hiring have a website you can look at?  It might put your mind at ease.  Being a new photographer does not necessarily mean bad photographer- look at the Bees who have recently started up their photography businesses (like Cherry Pie and I believe Avocado is fairly new to the professional photography business as well).  They take gorgeous photos!

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Girl I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. This is supposed to be a fun time and sounds like it is so stressful for you right now. $10 a plate is SO inexpensive for that kind of food, it sounds so yummy!! I really hope that works out for you! I am glad that the dress worked out, it sounds like you still found one that you love! As far as the photographer, that sounds a little scary but not so bad. Honestly you will probably end up with some very artistic photos and not the same old tired wedding shots. Good luck!! Keep us updated!! Oh and keep on your parents about the food, that is a great deal!!

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Your parents are being both mean and silly by refusing to give you a budget or any input on your wedding.  However, they don’t owe you money.

I’m adding my voice to Elope! advice.  It’s a pity that you want a wedding and can’t afford it – but lots of people can’t afford weddings and as I’m sure you know there are a lot of things in life we want but can’t afford.  You’ll marry your love – you won’t have regrets. 

From the way your dad feels and acts I don’t think having this wedding will be worth it. 

Post # 12
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Um, I may have to disagree with the crowd here – You say you knew your dad is cheap and that your mom is the submissive type, and yet you are surprised and upset about it when they behaved in exactly the same way as you knew they would?

I know that maybe you thought that out of fondness for you and your Fiance as a newlywed couple, they would listen to your wishes, but the sad fact of reality is such that often the person paying is the ultimate decision maker and you have to accede to Dad when he is taking calls about your wedding which you may personally disagree with.

I would sit them down and let them know how you feel, if only to let them know how helpless you feel as a bride when they don’t respect your wishes. Let your Dad know that the decision he is making might save him a few bucks, but then you wouldn’t be happy at all and that negates the entire purpose of the wedding itself.

I think you may also have to readjust some of your perceptions regarding various areas of your marriage. Having a smaller guestlist is one way of cutting down costs, and maybe you could put that money towards something you feel strongly about, such as having a professional photographer.

Be a little more assertive and tell your Dad that unless you have a clear budget outline, you will not consider making any more arrangements or even having a wedding on that day itself. Better to have a courthouse ceremony than be the laughing stock because of less than adequate arrangements.

Post # 14
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

“Oh yes elopeing has crossed my mind a few times. Im a girl and as girls do I just always dreamed of getting married infront of all my family and friends.”

I totally get that, I feel the same way.  Have you considered getting married at a courthouse/eloping now, and then doing a big vow renewal once you guys are on your feet financially?  That way, you’re still married, but you could also have a big event in the future to share with friends and family. 

Post # 15
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

boy do i know how you feel.

when i got engaged, my mom and i sat down and we talked about what they were able to contribute. She stated around 11-12K which is awesome.

so we got started wiht the plans. We booked the chapel (i paid for – $500) and the reception site (parents paying for $8K for food and use of site, FH and i are paying for $1K for the alcohol) went dress shopping – (mom paid $2300 for dress, im paying for accessories and alterations about $1K)

photographer FH and i paid for $2k….

now when it comes to the other stuff, i really dont need her to pay for too much more. and by my calculations, they have reached their threshhold, but whenever i make decisions and go to put down $$ on it my mom complains throws a hissy fit and yells “well why am i even here lemme just shut up and send you a damn check – you are so RUDE!!!” and i really dont know what the heck her problem is! im  not asking her to pay for it! im getting the rest of it and she KNOWS this, but feels that because shes paying for what shes paid for she has a hand in what *i* am paying for.

i want to tell her to back off, but at this point im scared she will pull the $$ for the reception site and dress which i kinda need if i want to do the wedding i want.

thats what happens when you ask questions about money and get vague answers. its driving me nuts.

so i soooo understand.

is there a way for you and FH to save $$ every week or something and pay for stuff that way? it seems like you are getting a heartache and headache for no reason – $1500 isnt hard to save for if you plan it out – so honestly you could tell them to stuff it.

and yeah i know, easier said than done. *sigh* i hate weddings. *pout*

Post # 16
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@blueshoes – you stole my exact suggestion.

I’m afraid that with the way your dad is running this wedding, you’re just going to end up being really disappointed anyway. It’s definitely not going to live up to your dreams on such a tight budget — surely you and Fiance could save enough to do it right in a year, at least compared to what your dad is doing!

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