(Closed) Cheated on and dumped due to my ethnicity – advice?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This has nothing to do with your ethnicity.  He is an asshole!  I’m sorry your heart is breaking,  but he is not worth your tears. Be  thankful that you’re not gonna marry an asshole. You deserve so much better!  

Post # 3
Member
3434 posts
Sugar bee

He is an asshole. End of story. You don’t need to do anything differently.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

He’s an asshole. You and your family did not do anything wrong. He was just a coward that used that as an excuse to do what he did. I’m sorry bee. You will find better!

Post # 5
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

He’s a disgusting asshole. You’ve won in the end. You do not want to be tied to someone like that. 

Post # 6
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this.

Please know that his breaking up with you had NOTHING to do with you. It had to do with his own racism, bigotry, prejudices, etc. These other interracial couples you see that are making it work – it’s not because the non-white person is pretending to be “typically white” and walking on eggshells to make the white person more comfortable – it’s because both people in the relationship respect and appreciate the other person for who they are. They aren’t scared of their differences, they celebrate both the differences and the similarities, and they aren’t blinded by prejudices.

Your ex was an awful person. There was nothing you could have done to change that. Be proud of who you are, and be thankful you finally found out who he truly is before your lives became even more entangled.

You sound like a lovely person, I am sure you will find someone who is wonderful and will love you for everything that you are.

Post # 7
Member
6873 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He’s just a bigot at best… consider this a bullet dodged – after all, he might have ‘forced’ his personal beliefs on your children too, and who’d want that?  My only advice is to find someone who is either genuinely interested in your background or doesn’t even notice it.  Next time a guy “jokes” about how you are different, mark him off your list.

Post # 8
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to get out rather than just being upfront about meeting someone new. He is a jerk and will likely treat the next girlfriend the same way. So sorry you are going through this!

Post # 9
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I think he’s using your ethnicity as an excuse, which is both cowardly and disgusting. You and your family sound wonderful and accepting – I hope you find the happiness your parents are wishing for you!

Post # 10
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ll switch it up and say he’s a racist dick. To him it was about your ethnicity and his inability to move past seeing you as a real person and not just your melanin content.

You’re better off without him and I wish you all the best moving forward.

Post # 11
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

“Cheated on due to ex being a bigoted cheater”

there. FTFY

bee, he showed signs of racism and bigotry early but I don’t fault you for wanting to believe the best in your partner. 

What worked for me is having a zero tolerance policy on bigotry and racism. Sure, it might just be ignorance but I’m not required to educate my partners. 

Post # 12
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

yup, agree with PP.

I think it was just an excuse to not be the bad guy. Like, “it’s not you. It sure ain’t me. It’s this race thing, you know.”

Seriously, laziest excuse ever and shows how willing he is to benefit from privilege.

Consider yourself lucky you found out just how much of a bigot jerk he is now and not later.

 

Post # 13
Member
3865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He sounds like absolute garbage. I’m sorry you are hurting from this but PPs are right, you dodged a massive bullet and he did you a favor by putting his tail between his legs and scurrying away. You deserve better than someone who can’t accept who you’ve been the entire duration of your relationship.

Post # 14
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

He’s disgusting and his behavior is appalling. I would be so glad to have dodged that bullet and to have not had kids with someone so hateful.

I know it will take you time to heal as it would anyone having been in such a manipulative situation (him being the manipulative one). Allow yourself to feel what you need to and express yourself how you need to. Fall back on family for support because that’s what they are there for. Above all else, remember you’re beautiful, strong, and amazing…as is your culture. Anyone worth loving and sharing a life with will  say the same. 

My Fiance and I are interracial and I just could never fathom looking at someone the way your partner has expressed. As a pp said, there is no sense when it comes to bigotry.

Post # 15
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
pammylammy:  you didn’t get cheated on because of your ethnicity. You got cheated on because you were dating a douchebag cheater who tried to justify his cheating by blaming you/your ethnicity.

In other words, he did you a favor; he is a total loser.

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