(Closed) Cheated on and dumped due to my ethnicity – advice?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
10 posts
Newbee

You were not cheated on because of your ethnicity. You were cheated on because you were with a jerk who has race issues. One implies you have something to feel ashamed of. The other (the truth) places the blame where it truly belongs. I know it’s hard not to let his judgments become your own opinion of yourself – you cared about him and what he thought. But bee, I really hope you emerge from this shrugging off his wrong opinions about how Canadian you are, etc. Good riddance, now he’s no longer spewing falsities in your ear.

Post # 77
Member
998 posts
Busy bee

I have no advice, but stay strong. This, too, shall pass and you’ll find someone more deserving of your love.  He was an asshole so good riddance!

Post # 78
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You are perfect as you – warm, loving, and sweet while always thinking the best of people and seeing the world with a sense of humour. I think it’s partly in your nature, and partly in the way you were raised to respect all kinds: just like any other Canadian should! 

Don’t let a small minded, small town boy with privilege issues take away who you are. You’re more true to Canadian values than he is. You’re more of a Canuck. <3

and if anyone sees your race or your religion as your defining make or break feature before they see you, they aren’t worth your time. People like that see others as objects to be an extension of their own self, not as partners and equal human beings.

Post # 79
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

My fiancé is Iraqi and I am Mexican, Spanish, Irish, German and French.The beauty in interracial relationships, and all relationships in general, is the opportunity to learn and grow from someone who might come from a vastly different background and a different perspective for you. Your ex was not capable of this and is clearly a racist bigot. You did not do anything wrong! He simply tried to “justify” and “blame” (poorly) why he cheated on you.

Post # 80
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
pammylammy :  OP, I know this thread is a month old, but I really hope you were able to work through your feelings and realize this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. FWIW, I’m Indian-American, and my DH is white Canadian. Whenever he’s with my family, which is often, he’s almost always the only white person in a room full of Indian people, and he doesn’t let it phase him — he loves Indian food, has picked up on a fair amount of our languages, likes Bolly music, got really into all of the Indian traditions at our wedding, and has an Indian wardrobe to rival mine (ok, maybe not that last part). There have been instances where he was confused or a little bemused by some tradition or the other, but Indian culture is so different from American/Canadian culture that I’d be shocked if he weren’t. There’s never been a single instance where he tried to make me feel “less than” for not having fully grown up in the “normal” (aka dominant) culture. Anyway, I just wanted to comment so you know that it’s not you or your race or culture, and that there are guys out there who are not only ok with dating someone outside their race, but are genuinely open to it. It’s just plain bad luck that your ex-bf is a racist scumbag with a worldview to rival Donald Trump’s, no fault of yours.

Post # 81
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
pammylammy :  you know why other couples in mixed relationships can make it work? Because one of them isn’t a spineless, asshole who is an undercover racist and suddenly can’t handle that yes there is discrimination and race issues and being with someone of a different culture may mean you both stand out from time to time or one is the only one from a different culture there or you have to look out for your other half in certain situations.

my now husband is white British and I took him to Nigeria 2 years ago and he was the only white person round the Christmas table and in the markets he got called “the white one” and you know what he took it all in his stride, was never phased, EMBRACED the culture and loved me more and felt even closer to me.

It didn’t work because this is a poor excuse of a boy not man and you are well rid of this man! Imagine having children with a man that thinks like this. And I sure Hope you Are in touch with your culture how DARE he question you being so?!? This was his excuse to get out and it was your lucky escape.

Post # 82
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

I’m always forcing my culture down my husband’s throat. Literally, because I cook my backgrounds food every day. And I drag him there every couple of years for a holiday. Guess what? He loves it. Do yourself a favour and find someone who loves all of you – including your heritage. Who wants to be with a bore anyway? I hope you are doing ok OP and don’t go back to this foul jerk 

Post # 83
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
Gabrielle91 :  I had a similar experience at college. I dated a white British guy and his parents thought I was oh so “exotic” but I am just black and a quarter white. His best friends mother found out about her sons friend dating a black girl and he told her son “you can marry a black girl if you want to but just don’t have a baby with one”!!!

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