(Closed) cheating

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I definitely think of things like this all the time. I like to try to look at these situations and figure out where they went wrong …i.e. communication, consideration, intimacy, supportiveness, etc so that me and my Fiance can make sure that we don’t make the same mistakes in our relationship that someone else made. I think its important to take time weekly, monthly, and yearly to evaluate your relationship and identify future problem areas immediately so that they don’t become problems. Just don’t let your relationship fall second to the other things going on in your lives and you will be fine!

Post # 4
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

@tacomeat, I totally understand that. It’s so sad and disheartening. I always think we’re the exception simply because we’re “Christians”, but the divorce rate is even higher for Christians, coincidentally, and no matter your faith, we’re all susceptible to temptation and doing bad things. 

I do trust my fiance more than anything, I know he loves me more than anything, and both of us saved ourselves solely for each other, which is somewhat of a comfort. 

But you know it is a worry, and a fear. It’s not a constant fear or thought of mine, but of course you think of it once or twice.

My fiance is really patient with me though, if i ever talk to him about it, he just holds me and kisses me head and tells me he loves me. He said that marriage is promising me that he’ll only ever be with me and he plans on it staying that way. He doesn’t get frustrated if I tell him my worries or fears. He is a dear. 

well honey, all I can say is enjoy your time with him and do trust him. He will let you down and hurt you on occasion, but you don’t want to spend your whole marriage worrying either. that could cause problems.

but yeah, I understand.

Post # 6
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery

I totally understand this worry. I feel like it’s everywhere too and I can’t help but worry about it. I 100% trust my Fiance, but the all the news about infidelity makes me so nervous. I just know exactly how you feel.

Post # 7
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

@tacomeat, oh that is so wise sweetie! My fiance and I did premarital counseling as well and it was so insightful. We did personality tests and identified our strengths and weaknesses and what will most likely be our problem spots, and if we work on them and use them to better the other person, than we will work really well together. We also have AMAZING role models in our parents. 

My mom and dad have been married 25 years, and are so in love – they are always kissing and hugging, it’s so cute. They have the best marriage advice too, and are so wise. They agreed when they got married that the word “divorce” didn’t even exist, it was never to be threatened or even joked about. They promised they’d never walk out during a fight. I’ve seen my parents fight a lot and go through stressful times, but in the end they always love each other and support each other. And when times get hard, they really step up. I adore them and I pray I’ll be blessed with a marriage as beautiful as theirs.

 

Post # 9
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

it is so precious, and they were married young, momma was 21 and dad was 22. I’ll be  just a little younger than my momma when I get married. So I pray my marriage will be like theirs. 

Post # 10
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know, all the cheating and talk of “sex addiction” in the media is really wearing. I don’t necessarily worry about this with me and Fiance but it is wearing in general that as a society, cheapting and infidelity…hell, gross and rampant and completely prolific (is that the word) cheating is so prevalent. Ugh. Makes me sick.

Post # 11
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery

Regarding the “sex addiction” stuff…it kind of sounds like an excuse to me.

Post # 12
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I love my FH, but once in a while when you are hearing these repugnant stories, you start to wonder how people can change so drastically. I mean these women must have seen something good in this men to have married them at all. Although I also tend to believe that perhaps there were red flags that the women simply refused to recognize or confront.

I think it is perfectly natural to be scared about this sort of thing, but hopefully it is a general fear rather than one stemming directly from who your FH is. The most we can do is trust and be trustworthy, and establish and maintain lines of communication as well as a willingness to work through conflict. Try to worry about your relationship and realize that the fate of another relationship doesn’t necessarily have any implications for yours.

 

Post # 13
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think there has to be perspective too. These men in the public eye are in a very different situation than the average guy. Not to say that average men don’t cheat because they do, but for professional athletes and entertainers the level of temptation that is thrown at them on a daily basis in unimaginable. Women literally line up to meet them — literally!

That said, I think we all have that fear at times and just have to remind ourselves that we trust the person we’re with, they love us, and since there’s nothing we can do to prevent cheating, it’s better to just try not to worry about it. My mantra is, “SO would be an idiot to cheat on me.” Sounds silly, but anytime the little insecure voice tries to whisper, that’s what I say back to it.

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I freak out at the idea of marriage every single time I see some news about all these high-profile men cheating on their wives. I totally feel ya.

I’ve been cheated on before in my previous relationship (more than once) and it really, REALLY affected me that it was so hard to trust my Fiance in the beginning of our relationship (I’m super duper protective of myself). My Fiance had to be utterly patient with me to finally open up and start trusting him. And of course, keep showing me that he’s a trustworthy guy.

We’re also both Christians and currently taking marriage prep class at our church as well. It is definitely beneficial and it sort of forces you to really think about the things that are ciritical to a healthy marriage. I think having the same faith and seeing my Fiance walking ‘the walk’ is also very helpful for me to snap out of those fearful thoughts. And he promises me every single time when he sees me freaking out after reading/hearing these things in the news that he’ll never ever cheat on me and that I’ll be his only love for the rest of his life. It may sound like a cliche, but sometimes you just have to hear those words from your man and it does put you at ease.

@ms.jellyfish, I agree with you 1000%.

Post # 15
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think it’s totally natural what you’re feeling. it happens in society all of the time, not just to celebrities, and with the influx of celeb cheaters being caught, God only knows how many reg ppl cheat…

i think it’s 100% about what the other bees have already said: trust, loyalty, and communication. life isn’t always goin to be peachy keen, and a marriage IS work, hard work… but as long as you maintain that line of communication, desire to work at it, and a foundational love that you don’t fall out of… i think you and your Fiance will be good to go!! 🙂

here’s to hoping for more happy marriages!!

Post # 16
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My first husband cheated on me through a girl he met on Myspace.  He moved across the country to be with her.  It made it very hard for me to trust again, but I just have to let it go.  No reason to punish my new husband to be for somebody elses mistakes.  Crazy things happen, but all that matters is how you deal with it.  I’m definitely anti-Myspace/Facebook now, though Embarassed  I think people can be “somebody else” too easily when they are on those sites.  It’s easy for things to get carried away.  Again… probably not fair to my Fiance, but something we’ve had to work through.

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