(Closed) Cheating

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um……. Undecided

I don’t know enough info….Like why you felt the need to cheat?

Post # 4
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, tell him. Do you really need to ask?

Post # 5
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yikes. Since you were engaged, yes. I do feel like you need to tell him. You also need to be prepared for the fact that you may lose him. Such is the nature of cheating.

Post # 6
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yes you need to tell him.  That’s not a secret you bring into a marriage because it will come up eventually and by waiting more, you are ruining trust even more.

Post # 7
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

What purpose would it serve?  To make you feel better?  Is that worth the pain your bf will experience?

Post # 8
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Tell him yesterday. 

Post # 9
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Her Fiance deserves to know who he’s marrying and be given a choice to continue in this relaitonship or not.

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know enough about your situation to make that call.  Before you do anything, I think you need to look at your relationship and try to understand why you cheated.

Post # 11
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@lola2011:

I like your answer.

I can’t imagine in 2 million years hurting my husband through cheating

ETA and I would expect him to leave me

Post # 12
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

There are two answers to this question:

1)yes, it’s the right thing to do not to lie to your Fiance, risking losing him

2)no, why hurt him if you think he’ll stay anyways? and if you don’t want to lose him, even though it’s selfish not to tell him, you may want to keep it to yourself out of self-interest.

I’m not saying either answer is right, only you can decide what the best thing to do is. 

Post # 13
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Yes, you need to tell him, and you should have told him right away.  if he’s going to marry you, he deserves to know the truth.  and if he decides that he can’t do it anymore, then you have to deal with that, too.  but if he finds out, and you didn’t tell him, it’s going to be even worse.  if you’re going to marry this man, then he deserves the truth.

Post # 14
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say that maybe you shouldn’t tell your Fiance. ONLY take this advice if you truly regret your indiscretion and have learned from it that you NEVER want to cheat again.  I think that if you feel this way, you are only relieving your own guilt at your fiance’s expense when you tell him.  Cheating is a terrible thing to do, but you can’t make yourself feel better by crushing your fiance’s world. I don’t want to start a big debate, and I know this will be a controversial opinion, but it is just how I feel.

Post # 15
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Floridagirl2010:

No. I can understand your train of thought.

I think the OP (whether she wants to disclose to us or not), has to think long and hard about why she cheated in the first place, whether she truly is remorseful and whether she thinks it could happen again

Post # 16
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think if I were the Fiance in this case, and I was cheated on, and my SO went on an online chat board to decide whether or not to tell me, and decided not to, because it’s “easier”, and I found out after the wedding I would seriously have such worse feelings. I think NOT telling him is like trapping the poor guy in the marriage. Totally unfair. He may forgive you, he may not, but by not giving him the option before the wedding you’re cheating him twice.

 

AND you’re cheating yourself.

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