Post # 1
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
Ladies, your poll results and views on cheating don’t make sense to me!
In one poll over 80% of you say you’d want to know if your fiancé was even soliciting dates, pretending to be single, and texting other women- even though he hadn’t technically cheated yet. Yet, in another poll, over 60% of you would not tell your own bridesmaid if her live-in boyfriend physically cheated on her with two strippers.
What happened to the golden rule and doing unto others as you’d have done unto you?
If you’d want to know, why wouldn’t you tell someone else?
Poll saying you’d want to know if your man contemplated cheating: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sticky-situation-with-an-engaged-man-tell-the-fiance/page/3?replies=109#post-;
Why the disparity?
Post # 3
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@FLBlonde93: Well what does cheating with a stripper mean? Because if we’re talking things strippers do with men in strip clubs that’s legal that’s not cheating in my book so no, I wouldn’t tell a friend. But if we’re talking after hours extra money, actual sex or a little less, then yes that’s cheating…
Post # 4
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
I think it comes down to people not wanting to be the messenger. Like, they would want to know but they don’t want to be the one doing the telling! They just hope someone else does it.
Personally, I’ve been the messenger before and I’ll gladly do it again if I have to. After all, SOMEONE has to be willing to get a little dirty, or these poor girls (and guys) might never know the truth!
Post # 5
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
@FLBlonde93: Yeah, that’s crazy. I would DEFINITELY want to know, but I would also DEFINITELY tell my friend. I don’t understand knowing something like that and not saying anything.
Post # 6
Member
47 posts
Newbee
That’s pretty disturbing. If a “friend” kept a secret like this from me, I surely wouldn’t consider them a friend anymore. Friends are supposed to have your back, even when it’s inconvenient. Lying by omission is just as bad as lying to my face. I’d be so upset.
Post # 7
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
I would tell a friend about her SO cheating because I would want to protect her from a guy who is treating her that way. I feel like that is being a good friend, personally.
Post # 8
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@mchitt329: In the girls’s post I posted the link to, the best man had slept with two strippers.
Post # 9
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
I would absolutely tell a friend. It’s crazy not to. I know people are worried that the friend will shoot the messenger, but any sane person will eventually get over that feeling and be thankful they found out.
Back in high school, my best friend knew my boyfriend was cheating on me, and she didn’t tell me. When I found out, it completely ruined our friendship. We never recovered. Today, she’s just an acquaintance I play nice with if I have to see her.
My other friend who did tell me? She was the Maid/Matron of Honor at my wedding, and I’m hosting her baby shower next month.
Post # 10
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@FLBlonde93: I think that poll had mostly to do with the dynamics in the particular situation since she didn’t really know the bridesmaid very well and it was two weeks before the wedding. It would be more enlightening to see a poll that was “would you tell your friend if her boyfriend (whom you don’t know as well as you know her) cheated”, since this poll would be more like “would you tell your friend’s girlfriend if you knew he cheated.”
As much as we want people to always do what is right for others, people usually do what is best for themselves and those they care about.
Post # 11
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@iarebridezilla:
@adoc86:
@RN:
@QueenOfSerendip:
You ladies sound like good friends- the kind I try to be and want to have. I am very surprised so many people would not tell the friend she was being cheated on in the one poll.
Post # 12
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
I didn’t vote in either poll, so I don’t get the disparity either. I really think it’s out of a fear of not being believed (and thus being labelled a shitty friend or a backstabbing liar), while they actually believe they would believe a friend if that friend came up to them and told them their SO was cheating.
Post # 13
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@MeiFrancis: That makes sense. I just think if you like someone enough to have them stand up as a bridesmaid at your wedding that they deserve better than that. If you have such little affection, regard, or respect for a woman, why ask her to be your bridesmaid?
Post # 14
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
@FLBlonde93: LOL I think that was the big question in that thread- why is that girl a bridesmaid? The answer was pretty much to make the sides even
Post # 15
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@GreenEyedMoon: I am glad your friend looked out for you!
@kittyfinn: Great point! I think fear is the root cause of many problems and wrong doings.
Post # 16
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
@MeiFrancis: Yes, this.
That poll was not a standard situation, and I don’t think an accurate representation of “what bees would do.”
While I would want to know, I would NEVER expect FI’s friends to tell me…I’m not their problem. I can be pretty sure that they wouldn’t, actually. If MY friend knew, and didn’t tell me, that would be an issue.
In that vein, I know my ex had a bunch of friends who slept around…but not my business. I knew their GFs through him, and in that case, I don’t think that’s any of my business. But that’s just me.