(Closed) Cheating: 82% want to know, yet 60% wouldn't tell a friend?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Explain the disparity- how do you justify wanting to know but not telling when it comes to cheating?
    I don't, I follow the golden rule: I'd want someone to tell me, so I'd tell someone else. : (107 votes)
    71 %
    It's all about me: I'd want someone to tell me, but I'm too uninterested to help others. : (5 votes)
    3 %
    I'm scared: I'd want someone to tell me, but am too afraid to tell another. : (26 votes)
    17 %
    Other- please explain below... : (12 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4442 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @FLBlonde93:  Well what does cheating with a stripper mean?  Because if we’re talking things strippers do with men in strip clubs that’s legal that’s not cheating in my book so no, I wouldn’t tell a friend.  But if we’re talking after hours extra money, actual sex or a little less, then yes that’s cheating…

    Post # 4
    Member
    4416 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think it comes down to people not wanting to be the messenger. Like, they would want to know but they don’t want to be the one doing the telling! They just hope someone else does it. 

    Personally, I’ve been the messenger before and I’ll gladly do it again if I have to. After all, SOMEONE has to be willing to get a little dirty, or these poor girls (and guys) might never know the truth!

    Post # 5
    Member
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @FLBlonde93:  Yeah, that’s crazy. I would DEFINITELY want to know, but I would also DEFINITELY tell my friend. I don’t understand knowing something like that and not saying anything.

    Post # 6
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    That’s pretty disturbing.  If a “friend” kept a secret like this from me, I surely wouldn’t consider them a friend anymore.  Friends are supposed to have your back, even when it’s inconvenient.  Lying by omission is just as bad as lying to my face.  I’d be so upset.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4497 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would tell a friend about her SO cheating because I would want to protect her from a guy who is treating her that way. I feel like that is being a good friend, personally.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I would absolutely tell a friend.  It’s crazy not to.  I know people are worried that the friend will shoot the messenger, but any sane person will eventually get over that feeling and be thankful they found out.

     

    Back in high school, my best friend knew my boyfriend was cheating on me, and she didn’t tell me.  When I found out, it completely ruined our friendship.  We never recovered.  Today, she’s just an acquaintance I play nice with if I have to see her.

     

    My other friend who did tell me?  She was the MOH at my wedding, and I’m hosting her baby shower next month.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @FLBlonde93:  I think that poll had mostly to do with the dynamics in the particular situation since she didn’t really know the bridesmaid very well and it was two weeks before the wedding. It would be more enlightening to see a poll that was “would you tell your friend if her boyfriend (whom you don’t know as well as you know her) cheated”, since this poll would be more like “would you tell your friend’s girlfriend if you knew he cheated.”

     

    As much as we want people to always do what is right for others, people usually do what is best for themselves and those they care about.

    Post # 12
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I didn’t vote in either poll, so I don’t get the disparity either.  I really think it’s out of a fear of not being believed (and thus being labelled a shitty friend or a backstabbing liar), while they actually believe they would believe a friend if that friend came up to them and told them their SO was cheating.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @FLBlonde93:  LOL I think that was the big question in that thread- why is that girl a bridesmaid? The answer was pretty much to make the sides even

    Post # 16
    Member
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

    @MeiFrancis:  Yes, this.

    That poll was not a standard situation, and I don’t think an accurate representation of “what bees would do.”

    While I would want to know, I would NEVER expect FI’s friends to tell me…I’m not their problem. I can be pretty sure that they wouldn’t, actually. If MY friend knew, and didn’t tell me, that would be an issue.

    In that vein, I know my ex had a bunch of friends who slept around…but not my business. I knew their GFs through him, and in that case, I don’t think that’s any of my business. But that’s just me.

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