Post # 47
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
@FLBlonde93:
I def understand that b/c there is always some truth to a rumor to some degree or not at all… but just from past experiences I can say some ppl can be evil and/or jealous and want to see you unhappy (misery loves company), and in some instances you have for example, someone may have a crush on your man , then someone else may come out and say your man and the crush have something going on then a rumor starts and it all boils down to a crush and nothing more ( your man can’t control a crush)… then some idot will add that something could be going on b/w your man and the crush… then all that does is create doubt and doubt is a really evil thing it can totally change the dynamic of a relationship and in the end it didn’t even have to get to that point, and now you’ve built a wedge in your relationship for a stupid rumor … not everyone has good intentions… I’ve been thru S!%$ LOL I just don’t use this place as an outlet (you never know)…
Post # 48
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@MariContrary: Her fiancé had said he would not be mad if she told, so she wouldn’t have been breaking his trust. She would have already told her fiancé she was telling the bridesmaid.
@H0LLY: You said: “I guess one’s view on cheating sort of depends on what one would put up with in a partner in the first place.” That gave me a big aha moment. It’s easy to assume everyone has the same level of expectations about being treated well by their partner, but not everybody does. What’s unacceptable to me, might be someone elses’s best relationship. A guy I might never date, could be someone else’s perfect match.
@BeautyBox: That makes sense!
@VegasSukie: Why would you consider what your fiancé said gossip? I guess it depends on what kind of person your fiancé is. Mine doesn’t gossip, so if he told me his Best Man cheated, I would take him at his word.
@badabing88: Interesting points. I think fear is what holds a lot of people back.
@OUgal0004: Thanks for sharing that story- great lesson!
@Birdi: I’d hug them too!
@IzzyBear: @TLDR: @HisMoon: I feel like you three do!
Post # 49
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think a lot of it has to do with people not wanting to get involved, it will always sort itself out. Kind of like when people ignoring people in need (Various reasons, people who look distressed, beggars, people who are obviously in a bad way, people who are lost, etc) because, surely someone else will take care of it, right? God forbid they help someone out and have to deal with the consequences that come with it.
I’d want to know. I’d definitely tell someone if they were being cheated on.
Post # 50
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@Hyperventilate: I think you are correct, and find it funny only 1 honest person in the poll admitted they wouldn’t get involved because they just worry about themself. You know the number must be a tad higher in reality. Sadly, I meet people every day whose actions show they care only about themselves.
Post # 51
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard
What happened to the golden rule and doing unto others as you’d have done unto you?
It’s because I think it’s none of my business. However, I have never been put into this position, so it’s really hard to say.
Post # 52
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
I would absolutely want to know, but not from anyone but my SO. I don’t stick my nose in other people’s business and I don’t want anyone else sticking their nose in my business. Even if someone close to me knew, it is not their responsibility to tell me. I am not in a romantic relationship with them and they are not responsible for my relationship. No one but myself and my SO are responsible for what happens between us. Which is why I don’t involve myself with untrustworthy men. If I had even the teeniest tiniest thought in the back of my mind that my SO was cheating or would cheat if the opportunity arose, I wouldn’t be with him.
Post # 53
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
Golden rule. I’m not too much of a coward not to be able to handle a little annoyance at the messenger.
My goal in general is not to say the thing that will make me most likeable, but to say the thing that needs to be said. The truths that are often going unspoken by others are the ones that aren’t fun or selfishly beneficial for the messenger to say, but are beneficial (even if sometimes painful at first) to hear.
Post # 54
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
@FLBlonde93: While that’s true, she still did not witness this with her own eyes. I strongly believe that if I tell someone of another person’s actions, I am putting my name, my reputation on the line. Telling someone that their fiance/SO/DH cheated is huge. I will not relay another person’s account of what happened, because no matter who that person is, I cannot 100% say behond a shadow of a doubt that I know this to be a fact. If I witnessed it with my own eyes, I’d tell her in a heartbeat. In that particular case, the fiance saw it happening, so he needs to be the one to say something, not her.
Post # 55
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@FLBlonde93: I don’t have problems with people who are willing to admit it. Every person isn’t cut from the same cloth, so
I
get that people just don’t care and/or are too afraid to do it themselves. As long as they admit it, they’re cool in my book. However, they forefit any right to bitch and/or complain
if it happens to them. If a person catches their SO/Friend/Family member/Whatever doing something that directly influences them in a negative way, they can absolutely not turn around and say, “Well why didn’t anybody tell me?”
Well, if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t have told either, so stop complaining. I think people should be better than that and be able to put their big person panties on and be able to actually take a stance for someone else’s wellbeing, even if you aren’t influenced or it doesn’t really apply to you, because….
If everybody was a little less selfish, the world would be a better place.
Post # 56
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
For me, I would tell, but only if I knew the peron was cheating. None of this Sara told Jane who told Lisa who told me crap because nine times out of ten those stories turn out to be just that- stories.
But honestly, I do get why people don’t want to tell because no one takes this type of news well and you always end up in the crossfire for trying to help them.
Also, the people I have told in the past usually ended up staying with the cheater after the fact…
Post # 57
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
@FLBlonde93: Seriously? No my DH doesn’t gossip, however, if he witnessed something and told me about it in CONFIDENCE and then I go and tell someone else, yeah I consider that gossiping. It’s gossip because I did not witness it firsthand, I just “heard”. But whatever. Obviously, I just have no morals or friends.
Post # 58
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
I would tell even on a suspicion. Even on gossip. I wouldn’t act like it was fact but I’d push that person to investigate further because people were talking. I believe strongly in the golden rule. I often don’t know how to act in social situations so I stick by treating others the way I’d want them to treat me as best as I can, and if people were gossiping that my FH was cheating, I’d want to know about it. So I’d tell, even on baseless gossip (I just would make sure they knew it was gossip.)
If I had evidence I’d present it to the victim, and I would NEVER give the cheater a chance to cover his tracks by confronting him first or at all.
Post # 60
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
@VegasSukie: Please do not put any words into my mouth as I speak for myself- no one else is permitted to speak for me. I said to you: “
@VegasSukie: Why would you consider what your fiancé said gossip? I guess it depends on what kind of person your fiancé is. Mine doesn’t gossip, so if he told me his Best Man cheated, I would take him at his word.” I made no comments regarding your morals, and I made no comments regarding your friendships. Where did you get that from? That came from your own head. Please try to be logical, rational, and literal, and do not disrespect others by putting words in their mouth they did not say.
Post # 61
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
I feel this is like the talk we always have with our 5th graders. When asked, “if you saw someoene bullying someoneone else, would you say something?” without a doubt, EVERYONE says they would. However, when the situation actually arises, or we present them with a very real scenario, most kids dont stick up for the victim, and often join in. If I knew the answer to this, I’d be a millionaire. sigh.
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