(Closed) Cheating: 82% want to know, yet 60% wouldn't tell a friend?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Explain the disparity- how do you justify wanting to know but not telling when it comes to cheating?

    I don't, I follow the golden rule: I'd want someone to tell me, so I'd tell someone else.

    It's all about me: I'd want someone to tell me, but I'm too uninterested to help others.

    I'm scared: I'd want someone to tell me, but am too afraid to tell another.

    Other- please explain below...

  • Post # 47
    Member
    764 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @FLBlonde93:  

    I def understand that b/c there is always some truth to a rumor to some degree or not at all… but just from past experiences I can say some ppl can be evil and/or jealous and want to see you unhappy (misery loves company), and in some instances you have for example, someone may have a crush on your man , then someone else may come out and say your man and the crush have something going on then a rumor starts and it all boils down to a crush and nothing more ( your man can’t control a crush)… then some idot will add that something could be going on b/w your man and the crush… then all that does is create doubt and doubt is a really evil thing it can totally change the dynamic of a relationship and in the end it didn’t even have to get to that point, and now you’ve built a wedge in your relationship for a stupid rumor  … not everyone has good intentions… I’ve been thru S!%$ LOL I just don’t use this place as an outlet (you never know)…

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    9076 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think a lot of it has to do with people not wanting to get involved, it will always sort itself out. Kind of like when people ignoring people in need (Various reasons, people who look distressed, beggars, people who are obviously in a bad way, people who are lost, etc) because, surely someone else will take care of it, right? God forbid they help someone out and have to deal with the consequences that come with it.

    I’d want to know. I’d definitely tell someone if they were being cheated on.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1427 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

    What happened to the golden rule and doing unto others as you’d have done unto you?

    It’s because I think it’s none of my business.  However, I have never been put into this position, so it’s really hard to say. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    185 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would absolutely want to know, but not from anyone but my SO. I don’t stick my nose in other people’s business and I don’t want anyone else sticking their nose in my business. Even if someone close to me knew, it is not their responsibility to tell me. I am not in a romantic relationship with them and they are not responsible for my relationship. No one but myself and my SO are responsible for what happens between us. Which is why I don’t involve myself with untrustworthy men. If I had even the teeniest tiniest thought in the back of my mind that my SO was cheating or would cheat if the opportunity arose, I wouldn’t be with him.

    Post # 53
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Golden rule. I’m not too much of a coward not to be able to handle a little annoyance at the messenger.

    My goal in general is not to say the thing that will make me most likeable, but to say the thing that needs to be said. The truths that are often going unspoken by others are the ones that aren’t fun or selfishly beneficial for the messenger to say, but are beneficial (even if sometimes painful at first) to hear.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @FLBlonde93:  While that’s true, she still did not witness this with her own eyes.  I strongly believe that if I tell someone of another person’s actions, I am putting my name, my reputation on the line.  Telling someone that their fiance/SO/DH cheated is huge.  I will not relay another person’s account of what happened, because no matter who that person is, I cannot 100% say behond a shadow of a doubt that I know this to be a fact.  If I witnessed it with my own eyes, I’d tell her in a heartbeat.  In that particular case, the fiance saw it happening, so he needs to be the one to say something, not her.

    Post # 55
    Member
    9076 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @FLBlonde93:  I don’t have problems with people who are willing to admit it. Every person isn’t cut from the same cloth, so I get that people just don’t care and/or are too afraid to do it themselves. As long as they admit it, they’re cool in my book. However, they forefit any right to bitch and/or complain if it happens to them. If a person catches their SO/Friend/Family member/Whatever doing something that directly influences them in a negative way, they can absolutely not turn around and say, “Well why didn’t anybody tell me?”

    Well, if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t have told either, so stop complaining. I think people should be better than that and be able to put their big person panties on and be able to actually take a stance for someone else’s wellbeing, even if you aren’t influenced or it doesn’t really apply to you, because….

    If everybody was a little less selfish, the world would be a better place.

    Post # 56
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    For me, I would tell, but only if I knew the peron was cheating. None of this Sara told Jane who told Lisa who told me crap because nine times out of ten those stories turn out to be just that- stories. 

    But honestly, I do get why people don’t want to tell because no one takes this type of news well and you always end up in the crossfire for trying to help them.

    Also, the people I have told in the past usually ended up staying with the cheater after the fact…

    Post # 57
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @FLBlonde93:  Seriously? No my DH doesn’t gossip, however, if he witnessed something and told me about it in CONFIDENCE and then I go and tell someone else, yeah I consider that gossiping. It’s gossip because I did not witness it firsthand, I just “heard”. But whatever. Obviously, I just have no morals or friends.

    Post # 58
    Member
    4654 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would tell even on a suspicion. Even on gossip. I wouldn’t act like it was fact but I’d push that person to investigate further because people were talking. I believe strongly in the golden rule. I often don’t know how to act in social situations so I stick by treating others the way I’d want them to treat me as best as I can, and if people were gossiping that my FH was cheating, I’d want to know about it. So I’d tell, even on baseless gossip (I just would make sure they knew it was gossip.)

    If I had evidence I’d present it to the victim, and I would NEVER give the cheater a chance to cover his tracks by confronting him first or at all. 

    Post # 61
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I feel this is like the talk we always have with our 5th graders.  When asked, “if you saw someoene bullying someoneone else, would you say something?” without a doubt, EVERYONE says they would.  However, when the situation actually arises, or we present them with a very real scenario, most kids dont stick up for the victim, and often join in.  If I knew the answer to this, I’d be a millionaire.  sigh.

    The topic ‘Cheating: 82% want to know, yet 60% wouldn't tell a friend?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors