(Closed) Cheating Boyfriend, Now Fiance, Wedding Looming, Vegas Bachelor Party. Help.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4629 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@anabelletoni:  I don’t know if he is really worthy of your trust. Once is a lot to be cheated on. FOUR TIMES is … well… i’m speechless.

I don’t know if it is realistic for you to really trust him again. Since it’s out of the question for you to leave him, it might just be that you have to close a blind eye and accept that he is going to cheat on you. or lie about it and you will wonder whether you will believe him ever. IF you go into marriage knowing this about him and still wanting to get married, then it’s setting you up for a lifetime of hurt.

 

Post # 4
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You can’t say that the man has treated you like a princess when he has cheated on you FOUR times. Unless you have some sort of open relationship agreement, that is a scumbag move on his part. I don’t know how you could ever trust him after that, and I don’t think it’s healthy to enter into a marriage with someone when you’ll always be worried that he’ll sleep with other people.

If I were you, I’d dump him and never look back. Just because he’s not the guy you’ll marry doesn’t mean you’ll never get married to a wonderful man who respects you enough to sleep with only you if that is your desire.

Post # 5
Member
4314 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I say this with the best intentions: you need to get your life back.  It sounds like you’ve invested everything into this man who is not faithful to you.  You’re holding the fact that you’ve slept with him to heart and that you are desperate to get married.  It’s an admirable dream, but there’s more to life.

Please get yourself checked for STD’s ASAP.  I don’t blame you for not trusting this guy.  Who knows what else you don’t know… if it were not for your hairdresser, you probably would have never known.  Take care.

Post # 6
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I don’t think you’re going to be able to trust him again, and certainly not before the wedding. If he was really concerned about your feelings – I don’t think he’d be headed off to Vegas with his friends.  Even if it is “his divine right” to party for his Bachelor party – it is YOUR divine right to feel secure in a relationship, and know that your partner is ONLY sleeping with you. 

 

Post # 7
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I’m shocked that you could even forgive him for the four times. Were you long distance during those periods? 

I would tell him he can’t go to Vegas if I were you. It would be one thing if he hadn’t already cheated so much, but this is different. I would want him in my sight at the end of the night. 

Post # 8
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

He cheated on me 4 times in total.

I stopped reading after this. This guy is a giant shitbag. Leave him and find someone who isn’t.

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Threatening suicide to get you back is emotionally manipulative and very fucked up… and incredibly immature. The fact that you feel the need to point out the lavish spending surrounding your wedding which has literally nothing to do with the rest of your post indicates you have some growing up to do as well. Getting married doesn’t fix problems. Marrying someone you don’t trust because you want to get married is a horrible idea. If you want to work on your relationship, worry more about the relationship and less about impressing other people. Put off the wedding until you’re ready. Or if you don’t think you’ll ever trust him, leave him… I wouldn’t stick around for #5 if I were you.

Post # 10
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

What I do know is DO NOT let him go to Vegas. No way in hell, he ruined your trust already. Going to Vegas will only devestate you more (even he he doesn’t cheat). You don’t deserve that anxiety and fear prior to your wedding…and you already feel on the edge. 

Literally, tell him to change his plans and there’s no way in hell after the year you’ve had to be okay with that.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@anabelletoni:  Honestly, it seems like the wedding and getting married to this guy is out of your control, which is not how it’s supposed to be. Your family is weirdly supportive of him. I have been with my guy for 6.5 years, and my family loves him, but if he had cheated on me once, they would be against me marrying him. I think if he cheated on you once, then it’s reasonable I guess to think that you can patch things up and work on regaining trust if he’s obviously contrite. But this guy didn’t cheat once.

You’re worried and untrusting because you have every right to be. I feel like it’s almost guaranteed that he’s going to do it again. He knows you’re in it for the long haul regardless of whether he does or doesn’t.

It’s your choice to get married. Your family may be shelling out a lot of money for engagement parties, etc, and he could be as charming as all get out, but at the end of the day you are most probably choosing a marriage full of this. And you obviously don’t like it.

Post # 12
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@deetroitwhat:  

@vorpalette:  

@MeiFrancis:  

all of this. I am sorry but I can offer no advice bc I would not stay with someone like that less yet marry him.

Post # 13
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

He cheated four times, that’s not a mistake anymore and he WILL do it again if you can live with that than stay but pleas don’t and listen to the girls here.

Post # 14
Member
856 posts
Busy bee

You won’t get the trust back and you shouldn’t marry this guy.

You’ve only known him – there are SO MANY guys out there who WILL treat you better, love you, cherish you, and want to be with you and only you. You cannot possibly know what else is out there if you have only experienced this.

This isn’t love. With true love does not come jealousy or cheating or any of those things. Love is not being treated like a princess – love is respect and honesty.

You can stop him from going to Vegas – but do you really want to secretly wonder what he’s doing for the rest of your life?? How can this be what you’ve dreamed of??

You deserve a good marriage and one with a good guy. Who is out there waiting for you, by the way. Don’t think about the money, or the family, or the fact that you’ve slept with him. Find yourself a better man, or you’ll revisit this hard part of your life over and over and over and over and over again. No one deserves that.

Post # 15
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Run, girl. Don’t look back.

His suicide threats and pleads are part of emotional abuse. Not to mention… FOUR TIMES? I can see forgiving once, I have a hard time with forgiving twice, but FOUR BLOODY TIMES?

Sweetie, you need to accept he is not the one for you. Being treated like a princess includes NOT being emotionally abused, NOT being cheated on numerous times, NOT being exposed to who knows how many STD’s, the list can go on. It is so much easier to get out now than divorce later, or worse, suffer for the rest of your life.

Post # 16
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The two factors of him being your only boyfriend ever and having cheated on you 4 times (that you know of) only tell me that the reason you think he treats you like a princess and this is the best you can get is because you haven’t seen what it’s really like to be treated the way you deserve. He’s manipulative and selfish, and you need to live your life for yourself, not for him or your family’s support of this twisted loser. I really hope you’ll come to your senses. 

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