Post # 1
Ok so my fiance’s cousin is cheating on her husband who is VERY close to my fiance. His cousin was stupid enough to tell him thinkingnhe wouldn’t tell his long time friend. Meaning this guy and my fiance have been friends since high school so before the husband and cousin even knew each other. My fiance told his cousin that if she didn’t tell her husband she was cheating he will because that’s his friend. Clearly his cousin isn’t the brightest bulb in the box because why would his cousin admit to something like that since her husband and my fiance have been close friends for many years thinking my fiance wouldn’t tell him? Anyways I think his cousin is the scum of the earth but now my fiance is torn. He isn’t particularly close to this cousin but he feels his friend would be super pissed if he knew my fiance knew and kept quiet. I told my fiance that since they have been friends before the cousin and him even knew each other he needs to tell his friend. I always try to put myself in the victim’s position and gauge how i would feel and if my close friend’s cousin was cheating on me and my friend knew for a fact and said nothing even after asking tje cousin to tell me that would be friendhsip ending and I would feel completely betrayed. I even told my fiance if it was the other way around and his friend was cheating on his cousin I would tell his friend he either has to come clean or he would tell his cousin. Now I’m worried. Did I give my fiance ok advice? He fears his family would be mad but I told him just because the cousin is family doesnt mean you have to protect her wrong choices especially at the expense of a very close friend. This is tough
Post # 2
I think the fact that there are relationships with both partners does complicate things, but it was wise of your SO to tell his cousin “you need to tell your husband or I will.”
However, neither of you knows what’s going on inside their marriage and the same man who is a great friend to your guy could be a terrible spouse to his wife. So, I think YOU should be careful calling someone scum of the Earth when you’re hearing a story second hand and both of you need to be careful minding their business too closely.
To me, if you love both of them (or your SO does) and want the best for them, then your job is to be compassionate about supporting them through a difficult time. Because right now, you just sound like judgy gossips and how does that benefit either of them (other than making sure the cheater gets in trouble)?
Post # 3
soexcited123 : this is always weirdly controversial on the bee. Everyone thinks the cheater is scum but there’s always disagreement about what to do. Like you, I don’t give a shit about the cheater. I wouldn’t even give her the chance to tell. Relative be damned. But your husband will have to be prepared to be the shot messenger. She can lie, friend can choose to believe her and blame him and end the friendship. That’s a risk you have to take. I’d do it anyway.
Post # 4
TwilightRarity : ok fair there are 2 sides to every story but in this case the cousin straight out told him she was cheating( which I don’t understand why considering my fiance is close friends with her husband stupid move on her part) so its not like this is speculation and gossip on what could be. But calling her the scum of the earth was harsh but cheating is just a big no no in my book. So my fiance is going to talk to his cousin more tonight to get more background and then he said he will most likely give her a timeline for example you need to let him know by such and such time.
Post # 5
skunktastic : yeah there that chance to of the friend not believing him although I’m guessing that chance will be slim considering this is his cousin and not some rando. He also runs the risk of losing his relationship with both the friend and cousin. But I know he is going to talk to his cousin tonight to get more background on the situation and then take it from there by giving a timeline such as you need to let him know by such and such time. But yeah relative or not this is still a very close friend of his that she is cheating on and I don’t think loyalty automatically goes to family over friend especially in cases like this where the family member is actively hurting someone he cares about and where he isn’t super close to this cousin either.
Post # 6
I think getting involved in someone else’s relationship runs the serious risk of magnifying the problems with outside projected drama, gossip, and opinions.
The kindest thing to do here is support them;
yes, hold her feet to the fire about coming clean to him and then support them as they work through it.
Putting our own judgment, emotions, and reactions on someone else’s relationship is a very human thing to do, but if you can refrain and be the calm in the storm, and see yourselves as a neutral zone that just holds space IF they need it, would be the most helpful course of action.
Post # 7
I do not understand people with the “stay out of it” mentality. No. If you care about someone, you don’t actively keep information from them that they deserve to have.
I think your husband did the right thing by giving his cousin the opportunity to come clean herself, but if she doesn’t, he absolutely should make good on his promise. He’s been friends with this guy since high school… That means something.
Post # 8
soexcited123 : you’re saying his cousin is dumb but honestly it sounds like she wants to confess but doesn’t actually have the guts to come clean herself. Why else would she tell anyone, let alone a close friend of her husband?
I wouldn’t give the cousin a long timeline to be honest and I’d prepare your partner that she won’t stick to the timeline and he’ll have to break the news. You also need to prepare him that his friend might find it hard to move their friendship past this. He already knows and didn’t tell him straight away and he’s probably going to be delivering the news.
I think you’ve done right. I think the cousin needs to come clean first because I’d prefer my husband to tell me. For some people they’d prefer their friends to tell them than the person who betrayed them, it’s very personal. I think if she does come clean, your partner needs to tell his friend he knew and go from there.
Post # 9
Can someone please explain why, out of all the people she could tell, she told OP’s fiance…..the one person closest to both herself and her husband??? More than likely she told her best friends so I doubt its about being unable to keep it a secret….so why him?f
Honestly, I think she secretly wants her husband to know and probably wanted OP’s fiance to tell him….no matter how much she denies it.
Post # 10
Well…if she doesn’t come clean & tell her husband herself. Then your fiance should definitely tell him. Bc the guy deserves to know what is going on behind his back.
Post # 11
Your Fiance should not tell his cousin himself, because he got the information secondhand, how does he even know it is true, or in context? He shouldn’t tell him anything of this magnitude unless he knows about it, seen it himself, and has ironclad proof.
Your Fiance can tell the friend to tell the cousin himself. If the friend will just say how he knows this. If it is flimsy or subject to too much speculation, then you should all probably let it drop. There is too much you don’t know.
Post # 12
Your fiancé shouldn’t tell the friend she is cheating, because like a pp suggested, he hasn’t seen it 😒.
He should tell his friend that the cousin TOLD him she cheated and that he gave her x amt of time to come clean before he discussed it with the friend. Fiancé can leave it at that. He doesn’t need to speculate, guess or gossip. Just relaying the facts he knows is the fairest thing for everyone.