Cheating Fiance

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

oh hunny, call of the wedding, tell everyone why and turn it into a party for you with your family and friends if you canʻt get your deposits back and they canʻt get out of their travel expenses, etc.

Post # 47
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

Please call it off.. Who cares who will be upset, if they don’t think he’s scum for his actions, then I wouldn’t feel all that bad about it.

You can either not call it of, and end up miserable, paranoid, and resentful until you end up divorcing or just life out the rest of your life a shell.

Or you call it off now, deal with all the crap from people (if it even comes, who would defend him?), heal, and move on with your life and find someone who is worthy of your trust and love. 

I know it’s hard to leave, the emotions must be absolutely suffocating you, but you need to be strong. It isn’t easy to do, but this is the easiest option you have, it will only get more difficult. 

I am so sorry you had to find this out, and wasted your love on someone who wasn’t worthy. 

Post # 48
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

Definitely call off the wedding. Your cheating fiance will only become your cheating husband. I’m so sorry, bee, this is really awful. I also had a cheating fiance and I called everything off, and I’m so happy I did. It was horrible and painful and embarrassing in the moment, but looking back 2+ years later, it was absolutely the best choice.

Also, if your username is your real name, I recommend changing it as soon as you can for your own privacy.

I’m wishing you strength!

Post # 49
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

alisonwedger :   Bee, I would not go to a wedding as a guest if I learn the groom has been cheating. Especially not as the bride’s family member (I’m guessing you are not as concerned about his family right now but if so, don’t) whether she is my sister, cousin, niece, aunt SIL, 2nd cousin 3 times removed. If I can’t cancel my plane ticket without losing too much, I’ll just enjoy the vacation and comfort the bride, since she is important enough for me to fly (my family lives one ocean away, so I get it).

 

Post # 50
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

alisonwedger :  

I am sorry for your pain. But you need to look at it as a blessing. STOP thinking about people, you are IN CRISIS. PUT YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK FIRST then exit from this nightmare of a marriage that was waiting for you. If you go ahead with this wedding, what’s next? I can’t ask him not to cheat on me anymore, what would he say if he knows I looked through his phone? I can’t divorce him, what would the parents and neighbors say? Do you even HEAR YOURSELF??!!! Would you rather lose the cost of a few security deposits right now or pay for divorce attorney retainer and fees + half of everything you built + having to start over with a couple of kids + the years wasted on someone you KNEW was no good before the altar? Never mind a few Save-The-Date Cards and he will kiss you with that mouth. Urgh! Take ownership of your own life. YOUR GUESTS WILL UNDERSTAND.  And so freaking what if they gossip a bit!

Bee, get a hold of yourself, this is your chance to GET OUT. Do you think he will stop after you married him KNOWING he’s a cheater? That’s the perfect scenario for him! I wish you to take the best decision for your life. This is a crossroads: Left you stay and would have no one else to blame but you. Right you suffer now for the love and trust lost then you find someone who will make you forget this ever happened. 

Post # 51
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Las Vegas, NV

I’m so sorry to hear. Calling off the wedding is the best thing IMO to do. It is going to be really difficult to stand in front of him at the altar and confess your love to him when you are absolutely certain that he can’t feel the same way about you. The money your family has offered can be recovered over time. This isn’t your fault. I know your family will hold you up and be there while you heal. 

I would call each one of the family members who contributed and tell them personally what has occurred. I would get an email drafted to every guest (if possible) that says something like, “I thank you and ___ so much for RSVP’ing to my wedding. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that I am not the SOLE focus of the person I am marrying. I am deeply saddened to inform you that I am cancelling the wedding.” Go into explanations if you prefer. You are so brave and as previous posters have mentioned, this is not something you should feel ashamed about. I’m rooting for you!

Post # 52
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Sooo if you are as petty as I am, I’d do the following. I’d go on as though nothing is wrong. Day of the wedding I’d get my hair and makeup done, looking fly as fuck when I walk down the aisle. Then when it came time to read my vows, I’d whip out the tinder conversations. After reading them, I’d turn to my guests and invite them to a party that celebrates support, honesty and loyalty. His family could come too.

 

in all seriousness, a marriage won’t fix a cheating person. You would be going into a marriage with resentment and distrust, which is no way to start a life long commitment. You can cancel. Your friends and family wouldn’t support a marriage between you and someone who harmed you. You don’t owe them an explanation. Please take the time to care for yourself, as you deserve better than this. 

Post # 53
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

alisonwedger :  Cheating is my numer 1 dealbreaker, my partner would be done…

Post # 55
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

did you call it off? so sorry, love.

Post # 56
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

You don’t go through with getting married to a cheater. It only gets worse. And you will likely end up paying thousands to get divorced. 

Post # 57
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

OP…any update – did you call it off!?

Cheating is a HUGE dealbreaker for me. I would not stand for it either bc my partner would be done indefinitely & honestly neither should you, it’s not worth it!

Post # 58
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

I wish I had done this but I didn’t and regret every day as a result.

People had already arrived from all over the world for my wedding. And though I didn’t have the courage back then, I SHOULD have called it off and just had a giant party anyway (instead of a reception.) People would have expected a wedding I know, but they would still get ‘something’ out of having come so far instead of nothing at all. And besides, deposits would have been non-refundable for me that late in the game too.

And because I did not have the courage (OR SUPPORT) back then, I have a sh*tstorm right now which is 100000% worse than having called it off.

So, call it off!

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