(Closed) **CHEATING FIANCE, ADVICE PLEASE?!?!**

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! He’s an asshole and an awful liar. I’m so sorry bee. 

Post # 62
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If this was a one drunken night mistake, I could see possibly being able to work through it and move past it. 

BUT this was planned and carried out over several months.  He was essentially leading a double life that you’d have no idea about if the wife had never contacted you.  He didn’t hide that you existed to these people, instead he lied to them and painted you as this crazy horrible girlfriend he needed to get away from.  He talked about marrying and having kids with an 18 year old girl he only knew for a few weeks. He hasn’t shown any remorse, guilt, etc until he got caught.  He won’t even fully admit to what he did. 

To me, all of this is a HUGE dealbreaker.  You will never fully be able to trust him when he goes somewhere without you.  You will never really know the full truth about this, or be able to believe it even if he told you the truth. If you marry him, the thought of him talking to this girl about marrying her will be on your mind on your wedding day.  You don’t want to live the rest of your life constantly questioning what your fiance is actually doing when you’re not around. Leave him! 

Post # 63
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know the circumstances, but I just have to ask this – are you sure, John’s sister-in-law and his wife aren’t trying to manipulate you into breaking up? Or are blackmailing him? I’ve seen some sh** like this, sorry.

I don’t know if I would break up with him if I were you, but I’d definetly trust my guts in this situation. And if yours are telling you to leave, do it. You’re so young and you have so much time. But if your guts are telling you to stay, set yourself a timeframe (maybe a year?) in which you both try to work through this. If it doesn’t work you can still leave. But I would definetly not marry that guy but try to find out why he did this. (Maybe because he got cold feet?)

My sister actually worked trough a cheating situation, but she was the infidel one. She cheated on her husband for about three years with his brother (!!!! Please don’t ask.. that’s a loooong story) and the whole story came out a year later or so. Don’t ask me how, but they did work through this and are happier than ever, but I don’t think they would initially have stayed together if it wasn’t for the kids.  

I wish you the very best, trust your guts – you’ll find the right decision!

Post # 64
Hostess
3868 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You’ve been together for over 4 years and are 22, so you were 15/16 and your ex-Fi was 23 when you started dating?  That’s creep AF to me, no post-college age person should be dating someone in high school.  It seems like he enjoys pursuing young girls and I would NOPE away from that.  The constant lying, trying to convince you you’re crazy (I’ve heard that one before), and still not fessing up when you showed him proof is more than enough to see he’s not going to change.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this bee!  You’re young and sound like you have a good head on your shoulders; I’m sure that you will have a happy relationship with someone who deserves you when the time is right 🙂

Post # 65
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

throwaway1359 :  Oh please get out now. He isn’t sorry at all. His continuing to lie to you means only that he is sorry he got caught, and if given the chance – he will do it again. And again and again. Until you leave his pathetic ass. You deserve so much better! And at 22, you really do have plenty of time :). Do not let this jerk off take away any more of your 20s!

Post # 66
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper

throwaway1359 :  This isn’t a relationship you walk away from- it’s a relationship you run away from. Leave and don’t even look back because he’s not worth it. I know break-ups are hard and they suck, but being in a bad relationship sucks a million times worse. Let him be the bullet you dodged. 

Post # 68
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

He’s cheated not once but multiple times. He seems to be a manipulator and compulsive liar. Cut off all communication with this man! If you marry this man, you will be divorced within a week. He’s a complete bastard and you definitely deserve better!

Post # 69
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

He is a disaster of a human being. Run, bee.

 

I’m so sorry – I know you’re in shock, and it must be so painful – but this is not a man to marry. This is not a man who deserves even one more minute of your time.

Post # 70
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

 you need to leave this man right now and not look bad. the silver lining in this is that this happened now and before you were married, with kids etc. 

Post # 71
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

ps. my best friend just got through a similar situation with her ex. moved across the country for him and he started hanging out with coworkers and ended up having an affair on her with a woman who’s husband died like 3 months prior and has 3 kids. He is 23 and she was 30. She moved back home and is happier than ever (after the few months of sadness of course) and wishes they would’ve ended sooner. 

Post # 72
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

oh hell no!! I’d be gone! You’re not married, yet, get out while you can!! I had similar issues with my ex husband, but we were already married. I wasted another 7 years with him, thinking we’d worked through it, only for him to start an affair with a colleague and divorce anyway. Get out while you can and while you don’t have any attachments legally. What a douche.

Post # 73
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I am so proud of your decision to leave this guy! I’m not even in the “once a cheater always a cheater” camp (though 90% of the time that’s the case). Not only did he lie to you, but once you said you had proof he continued to lie over and over. He had no intentions of ever coming clean to you and god knows what else he’s done that he hasn’t told you about. You have such an amazing life ahead, it’s better to leave now than later before he wastes anymore of your time. 

Post # 74
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Normally I try to be a “lets work it out person”, but cheating and not just a one night stand, but this type of affair will alter your entire relationship.

My friend’s divorce just finalized today… They were married for 10 years and had two children. Her husband was a great guy, they were the “it couple” with the nice house and beautiful family who went on vacations all the time and hosted all the parties, etc. She never distrusted him, never checked his phone, never questioned him when he was travelling for “work”. Then last Spring she went to Disneyland with the the kids and a mutual single mom friend and her daughter. She came home to Facebook messages from a woman who had apparently been with her husband for THREE YEARS. While my friend was getting cards and flowers for Mother’s Day the mistress got MK bags, jewelry, he controlled their finances and was giving her about $2K per month (my friend aka the wife never dealt with the finances). He said he made a mistake and hadn’t been with the girl in months and met her online, all turned out to be lies and finally we thought she knew the truth. She debated and decided not to throw out 10 years of marriage. We were all very skeptical as he started cheating her on while they were pregnant with their second child and three years is a very long time to lie. He agreed to trackers in his car and on his phone, decreased personal time, therapy, etc. etc. In the end I told my husband who also was friends with them that I didn’t think she made the right choice, but I kept quite and hoped they could work it out for their kids…

Well it wasn’t more than about 5 months later that mistress #2 found her on Facebook, she met him on a single parents dating website and had a TEN YEAR relationship with him. 10 years!! The affair literally started within the first month of their marriage. My friend did more digging and found 10 other affairs. 10. We never would have guessed. Obviously that was it for them.

I say get out now. Imagine how hurt you’d be if you marry him and he puts you through this again? To me it’s not just the cheating. It’s the cheating and continual lying. This shows it’s not like he made a one time mistake and came clean, even when you were holding evidence he continued to lie.

Post # 75
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

throwaway1359 :  I’m going to skip reading the pages of advice to tell you to LEAVE THIS GUY NOW. He is a prick. I will not say more, but just leave 

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