Post # 1
I am sick to my stomach and in shock… Been married for 2 months now and last night I saw an email from my husband to someone on craigslist – he was saying he is a dominant and asking to meet during the day (I work around 8-10 h during the day, so he is alone a lot)…
Confronted him and he says he never betrayed me and it was just a stupid joke etc…
I am so mad and disappointed. I thought everything was fine and that we had a good relationship. Never imagined he could do something like this.
Moved to the US to be with him and now I feel like it was all a lie! Help bees!
Post # 2
andy05 : oh Bee! I am so sorry this is happening to you. Document everything. Do you have somewhere you can stay?
Post # 3
It was no joke. I’d be so done with him.
Post # 4
andy05 : See a therapist asap. On your own, with him, whatever. There’s no way for us to know what his intentions were, if it was real, if he was bored, etc, but you need to work through this with a professional. I wish you the best of luck, I’m so sorry for the emotions your undoubtedly going through right now.
Post # 5
teacher-bee-in-the-sea : No, but I am considering moving back to Europe. It is so difficult to process all this.
I didn’t see any other communication, but when I confronted him he first lied, then admitted it was him, but he said it was a joke. Mind you, he also sent his picture over!….
He said that he wouldn’t have married me if he didn’t want to spend his life with me, that he loves me and he didn’t betray me etc etc. I feel like these are all lies and I really cannot trust any of his words at the moment.
Post # 6
- Wedding: San Francisco City Hall
A “joke”? That’s a lame excuse and theres nothing funny about it. That’s awful Bee, I am truly sorry.
Post # 7
andy05 : Your old posts + this post say it all. Just go back home, he’s a major loser and you deserve better.
Post # 8
j9marie : He said he was on the phone with a friend and they were looking on craigslist at ridiculous adds etc and decided to contact them as a joke… It really is embarassing and I had a visceral reaction when I saw that. I would like to believe it is nothing, but the fact that he asked to meet during the day, when I’m at work and he sent his picture over — that, to me, shows his obvious intentions.
He is constantly on his phone, getting texts at night etc, but I never thought anything of it because I trusted him. Now I am wondering, has he really cheated on me with prostitutes?…
Post # 9
the thing that strikes me most about your post is that you say that you ‘moved to the US to be with him and you feel like it was all a lie.’ Well, you are right.
Pack your bags and move back home. Your marriage is a FRAUD! I have NO doubt that this is not the first time it happened. You have done nothing wrong. He’s a lying cheater who has exposed you to disease, and he clearly has no respect for your marriage. Just pack your bags and go. Don’t even discuss this further, you’ve only been married for a matter of weeks. I am sure you can have this annulled.
Post # 10
SmartCookie1 : Proving that a marriage is a fraud is difficult and getting an annulment implies proving that one of the partners commited fraud. In CA, adultery is not a crime…
I have 1% doubt of whether he actually pursued prostitutes from craigslist, but seeing the way he lies and the way he acts… 0 respect for me
Post # 11
andy05 : Oh, bee…. I am so, sorry sorry that you are going through this! I hope my initial post didn’t upset you, but I am so angry for you that after being married for two months that you are discovering who he is. This situation is so, so awful.
Do whatever you need to do for YOU, but I really, genuinely don’t think that this is something that can be overcome. You deserve a faithful husband, who wants to be married. I said it’s a fraud because who gets married to someone only to cheat on her ? I mean, why get married at all? He should just live his life as he wants to.. and connect with all the Craigslist girls he wants to, he just shouldn’t be dragging you through all of that. I don’t know where you live, but you can be sure that if you lived close to me, I would come get you and take you for a drink. Or two. (hug)
Post # 12
This happened to me and I was foolish enough to give my ex a second chance. He said he was so sorry and I love you blah blah. I never trusted him after that and I was right- he did it again and again until he got caught and I dumped him. You do not deserve this I am so sorry. I would be done and leave him.
Post # 13
andy05 : start writing down any inklings you have had, they may all have been red flags. Collect any cash you have and try to pack some essentials. Then get yourself a doctors appointment to test for STDs. I’m sorry, Bee. You can’t trust he hasn’t already been hooking up with people online.
See what kind of lawyer you can afford to discuss annulments or divorce. What kind of job are you working? Can you stay with someone you know from work?
Post # 14
If you’d said you found out he was looking at posts or websites of a certain nature for Doms and that sort of thing I wouldn’t have thought much. People do look at things like that out of curiousity. Your post says that he went a email asking to meet someone, and he admitted doing it? If it was me, I’d get some legal advice and see about checking into his behavior more. I’m usually the person that says don’t jump to conclusions but I think you’re right. If he hasn’t cheated yet, looks like he’s attempting to do so. You’ve only been married 2 months on top of it. That’s supposed to be the honeymoon phase. Why would he send a email like that just as a joke?
Your post says he claims he is a dominant. Has he ever mentioned any of this to you? If he’s a dom and is keeping secrets about it to his wife, I’d call that a huge warning flag. I have to agree with others. Best thing for you to do is start protecting yourself. One thing would be to check into STDs and I don’t mean the save the date kind. Even if you couldn’t prove any cheating this man sounds like trouble to me and I would not want to stay with him. If all of this is his idea of a joke,he sounds scary. Please take steps to see about getting out of this.
Post # 15
teacher-bee-in-the-sea : I actually have my own consulting company and finances are not a problem at the moment. I got tested for STDs just 1 month ago, during my regular check…
keepingitreal8675309 : I knew he was a dom and also that he is a very sexual person. However, he always expressed how strongly he felt about being monogamous and how he never cheated on anyone and would never cheat on me.
Also, something that I didn’t mention – his initial text this morning said something like “I respectfully ask you not to involve my family in this ordeal and be careful who you share this with. I love you. IF you decide to stay together, you will wish you didn’t tell anyone about this, as it is a reflection on both of us.”… Absolutely arrogant… I told him that if anything, it was a reflection on his lack of character.