- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Your husband’s behavior is not ok. How is it YOUR fault that HE messed up? No matter what his reasoning is, HE is responsible for his own actions. Not you. No matter what you’ve done, be it not responding to his proposal to his satisfaction, or murdering your mother-in-law with your gym socks, he chooses how he wants to react to it. End of story. Now, I believe that the motivation behind the action is key too. It’s important to know how he feels, and why he came to the decision to make a move on your friend. He says he feels underwhelmed by your relationship at current, and it seems that it’s taken bad behavior to make this issue known.
I agree with all the other posters that this is a severe red flag situation.
1) what the EFF is your friend doing at your home without you home, drinking alone with your husband? Bitch is not your friend. She’s a home-wrecker. Plain and simple. If she cared about you or your friendship, why would she put herself in that situation? I don’t care who you are, unless you’re the wife, you do not hang out 1-on-1 with a married man. Especially if you’re friends with the wife. Can we say Eva Longoria?! Let’s learn from her pain.
2) Why does your husband wait to royally screw up to voice any of these problems? It’s his own fault that he let things get to a boiling point before he came to you with his concerns. He needs to own up to that, and talk things out with you. If he felt like “roommates”, why didn’t he take you out on a date? Or make you dinner and light a few candles? Take a hot bath together? If you don’t know the problem, you can’t do anything to fix it. If he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, he sure as hell could have taken a few simple steps to start making it right.
3) Wow, how generous is he in offering you a lump sum of hush money? Ok, so maybe that’s a little harsh. But where’s the flowers and jewelry? Where’s the begging on bended knee? I find it odd that he went straight to “I know there’s nothing I can do to make this better, so I’m going to pay you off to leave”. Does he want to make it work, or did he stage the stunt knowing you’d find out about it? Some guys can’t handle talking about problems, so they do things to push women away. I think you were smart to put the ball in his court and let him make the next move. If he wants to make it work, he’ll put in the effort. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to repair his damage.
I’m with the others that relationship counseling would be a good plan. The intent versus deed line gets blurred quick, and I think the bottom line is, he didn’t cheat. He danced on the edge, and showed you he’s capable of it, but honestly, I feel all men are (women too). It just depends on how weak they are in the moment. He needs to realize that he set himself up for failure in this situation, and he needs to keep himself from this sort of temptation in the future. He also needs to spend time rebuilding your trust. And you need to do your best to be fair to him (which it sounds like you’re doing a good job of that already). Give it some time before you make a decision. And get your REAL girlfriends to help you through the tough times. Kick that other slut to the curb.