Cheating: Would you tell?

posted 1 week ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I would absolutely tell. I wouldn’t be able to help it. I’m horrible at hiding my feelings and it would eat me up so badly – it would be written all over my face. 😬

I’d like to think I would never, ever cheat and would address any issues in the relationship first, as that’s a transgression I have no tolerance for. But that’s easy to say when it’s never happened, so I guess you never know. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I would also want to know if my partner cheated. Not that I think he could hide it either 😂

Post # 3
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

View original reply
@melearenee:  I for sure would tell my husband. I respect my husband so much, hes a good man, and deserves the truth.

Plus, i am a HORRIBLE liar. Can barely keep surprises from my husband and family lol.

 

Post # 4
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

If you’re going to tell, why did you cheat? 🤔

 

No, if I knew I wasn’t going to cheat again and we’re otherwise happy (but why would I cheat if I’m happy?) I wouldn’t tell him. Like I wouldn’t want him to tell me. But I’d really analyze why I cheated and work on fixing it.

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I would tell. If that situation ever occurred, I would feel that Dh had every right to that information so that he could decide if he wanted to continue the relationship.

I think that you can’t claim you’re actually sorry or regret your actions if you take away your partner’s option of having information like that that you know could impact their choice on remaining in the relationship. If you cheat and don’t come forward, you’re just covering your own ass and you truly do not care for or respect your partner.

Post # 6
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Like others have said, I’m a terrible liar when it comes to emotional things and I tend to be unable to disguise my feelings so I’d have to tell because otherwise my behavior would probably give me away. Plus, if my husband cheated on me I would want to know so that I had the option of deciding whether I wanted to still be with him or not, and I’d want to extend the same courtesy to him.

Post # 7
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@melearenee:  I don’t think you will get accurate answers here. It’s one thing to be given a hypothetical scenario then provide an answer with a clear and relaxed mind while typing behind a computer screen. That probably won’t be the case for some when divorce can be at stake that involve kid custody, reputation & trust loss, division of property and $$$, etc.

It’s much easier said than done to do the right thing. Many times, self preservation kicks in during these situations. 

 

Post # 8
Member
47343 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 If it bothered their conscience so much to keep a secret, wouldn’t their conscience have prevented them from cheating in the first place?

Post # 9
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Yes, I would tell. First, I can never hide my feelings about anything, so it would be impossible for me to lie about something of that magnitude. Second, I have been on the receiving end of finding out about deceit without being directly told about it and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@melearenee:  Agree with PP, I’m sure some people who say that would come clean would actually not do that if they ended up being in this situation.

I was in a several year relationship before I met my husband and I cheated on that boyfriend (not with my husband). I didn’t tell him, he was suspicious and confronted me and I still completely denied it. We dated like another year, never cheated again but never fessed up and broke up for other reasons.

If, and that’s a big if, I cheated on my husband I have no idea what I would do. My previous relationship was a million times different than the one I have with my husband. Can’t answer the question without being in the situation.

Post # 12
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@melearenee:  I would never dream of cheating, but in some parallel universe, if that happened, I would not be able to live with myself if I did. I would be feeling WAY to guilty, AND im a terrible liar. AND i talk to my SO and tell him just about everything, so I wouldnt be able to keep it zip for long. 

On top of it all, i think that i would be a very shitty person to do that and expect him to not find out just so that i can selfishly have him believe im trustworthy and loyal and a good partner. 

id 100% tell. and id 100% want to know. 

Post # 13
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Assuming you still love the person and want to stay in the relationship – it really shouldn’t be about you at all.  You originally cheat on someone because you care more about your own feelings than theirs.  And if you tell them because you couldn’t cope with the guilt or because you’re hopeless at keeping secrets or because it would make you uncomfortable not to…it’s still all about YOU.  

So I think the only reason someone should be told is if it would be best for THEM.  If it’s going to destroy your partner’s trust and happiness, then you just have to keep quiet and deal with the discomfort – it’s not fair to cause them extra pain just so that you feel better about being ‘honest’.

But having said that, I’m not sure how you can every guarantee that a partner wouldn’t find out – unless the person you cheated with is dead!  There would always be a risk that the other person would tell them at some point.  

Post # 14
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

No, because it wouldn’t happen in the first place. In an alternate reality, I’d want to know. 

Post # 15
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee

If I cared so little for my spouse, and so much for someone else, our marriage would be done. No cheating. 

If my spouse cheated or fell for someone I would want to know and would end it. 

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