(Closed) Cheeky and cheap guests?!?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

HAHA It’s early morning and I’m a bit bitter… so my immediate reaction would be to send a cheeky thank you card… maybe one to each of them, saying thats for the $25 haha!!! But in all honesty, at the end of the day, it’s not worth the hassel.  It might make you feel good in the short term, but long term would probably be affected… so although I’m a bit tired and cranky, and part of me says go for the cheeky, I think it’s probably best if you dont!  Good luck with whatever you decide!!

Post # 4
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I can’t believe she just brought someone after you told her she couldn’t!  That’s so rude.  But it’s good that there was no place for him, I’m sure that was pretty embarrassing for her.  Try not to hold it against the guy, because he may not have even known that he wasn’t invited.

That said, while your aunt was totally rude to bring along a wedding crasher, giving you a gift is not rude.  Write a gracious thank you note and try to move on.  She did something that was actually rude and that’s enough to be mad about, it’s not worth dwelling on the thing she did that was not rude, and which you yourself said might make you look greedy.

No one makes money on their wedding, and it isn’t right for you to choose a venue which cost $130 a head, and then hold it against your guests.  They didn’t choose to spend that much, you did.

Post # 5
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My sister’s wedding last year consisted of doctors, lawyers, etc. We were shocked when she barely made back a third of the wedding cost. Checks of $50 were pretty common. So, while I agree that $100 for 4 adults is kind of measly, there’s also no set “rule” of how much to give. I would just suck it up and write a nice note. She could have given you nothing. Don’t you ever wonder about the ppl with the most money? It’s because they don’t spend it 🙂

Post # 6
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is effed up of them! I would be insanely pissed as well. However, I would write a thank you, but add in some sort of quietly snarky comment. And I would also be annoyed if I got a gift of $100 from a group of 4 people–it’s obviously not really fair to be upset about how much of a gift they give, but I would be peeved. But don’t let it ruin your memories of your day! Congrats!

Post # 7
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh, that is just so rude!  I know this isn’t necessarily the ‘right’ response to that kind of behavior, but I wouldn’t send a thank you at all.  The money is one thing, chalk it up to being cheap, or maybe just unaware of common practice.  But bringing a guest that wasn’t invited- that would drive me MAD!  I’m soooo worried about this for our wedding. 

Post # 8
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

Congrats on having the best day!!  I totally understand about being upset, but I would say for the thank you, just write a nice note and be the bigger person.  You can only control your own actions – she already made a bad decision, you can make a good one!  and then go off and be totally pissed…I would!

Post # 9
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree that is was rude the aunt brought a clearly un-invited guest, but I have never heard of a standard $100 PER guest gift to the couple. Maybe it’s just where I’m from, but all gifts (no matter the size) are greatly appreciated. I would send a sincere thank you note for the gift you did receive.

Post # 10
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You can’t change the fact that she brought an uninvited guest or that your venue was $130 pp now. If you don’t send a Thank You or sending an invoice would be as rude as your Aunt apparently is.

Handle the situation gracefully. Send a Thank You note and move on.


Post # 11
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your day was great, you said so!  Just send the thank you and move on from the situation.  The more you end up dwelling over this, the more it’s going to overshadow the happiness you felt at your wedding.

Post # 12
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is definelty a crazy story, but I’m sure with time it will become one of those hilarious stories you tell until the day you die. The best and most elegant way to deal with the situation is to write a simple and nice thank-you note. I know its SO tempting to speak your mind and write something snarky, but the only way “win” is to be the bigger person and move on. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do.

And you will always have your wonderful husband, friends, and the wedding bees to vent to!

Post # 13
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree that bringing someone who wasn’t invited was very very rude of her. Hopefully she was embarassed when it became obvious to everyone else at the table that she had brought someone who wasn’t invited.

 However, being rude back to her because you aren’t happy with the gift she gave you just seems rediculous and unnecessary to me. While it may be common in your area to give gifts that equal the cost per plate, that doesn’t mean somebody has to and it definitely doesn’t give you the right to be rude to them if they don’t follow a social norm. They gave you a gift and you should be grateful for that and send her a nice thank you card.

I’m glad you had a great wedding day and I think you should just focus on that and try to forget everything else.

Post # 14
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

The $100 per person standard is common here too, so I get what you’re saying. I can’t help but wonder if she only gave you that much as a “stick it to you” kind of move since you weren’t allowing the plus ones? In any case, I agree, as tempting as it is to write her a cheeky note, I would write her one sweet as pie thanking her so much for her generous and wonderful gift and how lovely it was for her to share in your day and how much it meant to you. Kill her with kindness.

Post # 15
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I guess I am an ass because I wouldnt send a Thank you note. I am a bitter person when it comes to this stuff. For example I was broke at the time and my friend had her shower. I literally saved for a bit to get her great stuff. It was hard but I really pulled together for her. She came to my shower with a cheap $5 dollar bottle of wine and she makes 2x’s what I did at the time. Let me tell you if she pulls that at the wedding this weekend I would not send a Thank you. I know its wrong but I am sorry that really bothers me. I think maybe I take it too personal and think they would care a little about me and put forth some effort. Even a creative card or item they made.. anything to show they cared then grabbing a cheap gas station wine together or $100 bill for 4 people per say. Its like damn.

Post # 16
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ugh, how frustrating. I do think you have to send a polite thank you note though.

Most of the other bees don’t agree with “keeping score” on gifts, but I won’t lie, I do it! So if you aren’t close and the grown kids get married, don’t be overly generous back. Give them the equivalent or thereabouts. Again, I know this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t see any reason to be generous with people who’ve taken advantage of your generosity.

Congrats on being married!

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