Post # 1
Ok, I need an honest opinion on something. We all know it isn’t ok for anyone but the bride to wear white at a wedding, but what is the rule with regard to a cheongsam?
I ask because my Mother-In-Law wore a burgundy cheongsam that had lots of gold accents and trim to our wedding. Her dress was much more ornate than mine and even had the same cut & style. The only major difference was the color (mine was red).
She and I don’t have a great relationship so I can’t help but feel like this is a slight against me. She didn’t wear anything close to this to either of her other children’s weddings.
I haven’t been to many Chinese weddings, so I don’t know what the etiquette is with regard to this issue.
I appreciate your thoughts & feedback!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu
i’m not sure the etiquette – but when we were shopping for a brocade jacket for my grandmother (who is very traditional and loves her red), she picked purple fabric and said that it was because only the bride is supposed to wear red.
was it a dress she already had, or did she get it new for your wedding? maybe there wasn’t much choice in fabric colors? 🙁
Post # 4
i feel that it should only be the bride wearing white and if you’re a chinese bride with a qipao, then the only one wearing a red one. it’s possible that she didn’t know what she was doing though. i had an aunt that wore a white pantsuit to my wedding. but it was my Mother-In-Law who told her to wear it. i don’t know if that was a slight against me somehow. but i would be offended if my Mother-In-Law wore a similar dress to mine.
Post # 5
@sewing:thanks for the feedback…I hope that was the case, but she had the dress custom made… so my guess is she chose the color. =(
Post # 6
My wedding is in a week and I have no idea what my Future Mother-In-Law is going to wear. She bought my my qipao while she was in Taiwan earlier this year, so I think she might have bought herself one too while she was there, but I’ve never seen it. Months ago though, she did ask me what color my dress was and I was like “White??… What color would it be??” She then told my Fiance in Chinese (leaving me out of conversations like always) that her coworkers at the her bank told her that she was supposed to match me. When he told me that I told him to tell her “NO, no one matches the bride, because I AM THE BRIDE.” Hopefully that message was conveyed to her and she will not be wearing red like my qipao she bought me is. I don’t know that her crazy coworkers were actually telling her the correct thing either, but maybe your Mother-In-Law got told the same thing? Or maybe she thought her dress was a dark enough red to be different from yours?
Post # 7
I’ve never heard that but maybe it’s traditon that the Future Mother-In-Law wears red? there are a lot of differences in Chinese cultures because the country is so darned big. I’d give ther the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 8
I know that it’s faux paux to wear red, but I’m not sure about wearing a cheongsam period. Although, if guests have been to a previous chinese wedding before, they should know that a bride usually wears one! I would be pissed if that happened to me too… in my opinion, I don’t think people should wear a cheongsam unless they’re elders, but maybe she just didn’t know better?
Post # 9
My Mother-In-Law showed me her cheong sam a week before the wedding and it was RED…albeit with black accents. My cheong sam was red with gold accents. I was so pi$$ed off. It’s as if someone wore a wedding gown to my wedding. I was steaming mad, of course my FH was like huh?!?! He didn’t see any problems.
Her other son got married two years ago and she picked a cheong sam in lavender so I had no idea why she wore red to ours.
In retrospect and having had an opportunity to look at the pictures it really wasn’t a big deal. I (sorry-ahem) We were…the focal point. However, I’m glad I had the week to digest the fact that my inconsiderate Mother-In-Law chose to wear red like the bride. I didn’t say anything though. Although I blasted her to all my girlfriends and my family.
I’m so glad the wedding is over!