Post # 1
I’m just wondering what others would do here:
My son attends a daycare that we abolutely love and he loves it too. However, a new child started there recently, and this new child has scratched my son in the face twice in the last 2 weeks. They are bad scratches, the last one looks like a 2 inch long slash mark down his cheek and the first one was right beside his eye.
The other child is 3 and my son is 2.
The daycare says they are doing everything they can to make sure it doesn’t happen again, work with the parents, blah blah blah. But we are really concerned about the ‘next’ time, and what that will be, a bite for example?
What would you do here? Does this become a parent to parent issue? Do you teach a kid to fight back? My son is not aggressive at all. The bigger issue is, now my son doesn’t want to go anymore and I have to reassure him and force him to go. We really love this daycare and my son did too before this started.
Please offer feedback! thanks
Post # 2
Sunshine09: i definitely wouldnt teach a toddler to fight back. I would tell my son to avoid this child and run away from him when he is confronted by him and make sure that the daycare is taking your complaints seriously. I would probably also request a meeting with the parents so that you can stress that this cannot continue and that hopefully they are able to talk to their son and tell him that what he is doing is wrong.
What kind of consequences are on the table at the daycare if this child continues his behavior? This environment may not be the best fit for him if he is lashing out physically and it is the daycares responsibility to make sure that all children in their care are safe- if that means expelling another child then that is what they need to do and that is definitely something I would bring to their attention.
Post # 3
Here is what I would do…then again, please keep in mind that I am overprotective and would lose my shyt pretty easily when it comes to my kids.
1. I would tell the daycare that they have to put my son in another class or make sure the two kids don’t interact somehow. But, it is their responsibility that this does not happen again else I would report it. I would also look into if this other kid hurts other kids.
2. I would talk to the other parent – let them know what is going on. Even if it’s to the point where they have to tell their kid to stay away from my kid.
Post # 4
I want to preface this by saying that I don’t have children so I’m not an expert about the daycare experience persay. But I am a teacher, and I can tell you that for the incident to happen a second time is what is most concerning. I understand that things happen beyond our control sometimes but because it happened more than once I think the daycare should be doing more to isolate that child from your son or the other peers.
a couple questions, how many daycare workers are there? How many children per worker? It might be even more concerning if the daycare center is getting overwhelmed with too many children and not enough workers watching them.
You have a right to be concerned and I think it’s time for a meeting with all of you, workers, the kids parents and you. If that kid can’t behave himself then he needs to go elsewhere. I am sad that UR son is scared to go back. The whole thing is not being handled properly from the daycares end IMO.
Good luck Beel
Post # 5
I would ask for a meeting with the director — the fact that it happened once isn’t so bad but happening again is concerning. What are the rules for behaviour? (like some places have a one strike rule for biting…you bite you are out period!), how many staff people are there? what was the situation that led up to this (like was your kid taking a nap and the other kid lashed out or were they fighting over a toy?) how can they ensure this won’t happen again – ie put them in different class, additional staff, three strike rule?
Post # 6
thanks for the responses. So far, my son knows how to put his hand up and say STOP if someone hurts him. I feel that’s pretty age appropriate, I’m not keen on teaching a 2 year not agressive child to become agressive just in response to this other child. However that doens’t stop him from coming home with nasty scratches on his little face. I’m not exaggerating – the last scratch looks like a knife slash. My husband of course wants to punch this kid’s lights out.
MissJulianna: As far as I can tell there are no consequences except being made to say sorry. From the conversation I had it’s all very politically correct, very vague circular responses. Kids are kids basically and we’re doing our best to prevent it but we can’t guarantee…
My husband and I definitely want to address it with the other parent at least to make sure they are aware and to ask them to cut their child fingernails (at the very least)
Post # 7
My kid has been on both sides of this. He has been hit and has done the hitting on many occasions, but I’m not sure which came first. I’m sure he witnessed it from other kids and adopted the behavior. We are very anti-violence in our home. We see this angel child at home, generally very well behaved and never violent. When we read reports from school that he hit someone and ask about it, he often says taht the kid was mean to him or that they were playing and it got too rough. I’m talking about 5-6 year olds though, so it may not necessarily apply. We didn’t know how to handle it at younger ages either. The best you can do is encourage your child to walk away and find an adult if someone is trying to hurt them. Reinforce that hitting or scratching is never ok. They go through phases and this new child might just be lashing out because it’s a new scary situation for him. It’s up to the daycare to monitor them more closely and prevent future incidents.
Post # 8
Cheekie0077: Yes the fact that he didn’t want to go back broke my heart and then having to force him broke my heart even more.
Post # 9
Sunshine09: that is very concerning. I would try to call a meeting with the director, teacher, and the parents of the other student.
Ultimately, if the daycare wont take the steps to keep your son safe as they are required to do while he is in their care, I would take my son and enroll him elsewhere. It is important that they are taking your concerns seriously and taking every single step possible to ensure that this doesnt keep happening and that there are consequences.
If they don’t, then this is something you will have to consider.
Post # 10
I always worry that my little girl will get hit or bullied in daycare or school when she’s older. Luckily, it’s never happened yet, but I really feel for you. As a mom, you NEVER stop worrying about your child and want to protect them always. You did the right thing by speaking to the daycare workers about it right away so they know what is going on. Always make sure they are monitoring the situation. The Director of the daycare should know too and so should the parents of the other child so that everyone is on the same page that kids have to learn to get along and not hurt anyone. Is this kid hurting other kids in the daycare? I know kids can be rough and all you can do is tell your child to stay away from the rougher kids and it is really up to the parents to discipline their children at home. But I also think the daycare should take action if it happens again…like they should have a rule that if it happens frequently that this kid is hurting other kids, that kid should be removed from that daycare. If he can’t interact with other kids there, then he doesn’t belong there. I wouldn’t want my child to be around a kid she’s afraid of and not be able to enjoy a daycare she loves going to.
Post # 11
If it happened again, I would demand that the other child is removed from the class. You shouldn’t have to have your child removed and put in another class and change his routine bc of an abusive kid. I would also threaten the daycare that you will remove him from the daycare all together and write a review in every sight to let other parents know that they don’t take stuff like this seriously. I know at my daycare if there are x amount of incidents the school will kick the kid out…
Post # 12
Being the parent of two children who both attended daycare, it’s amazing to me that anyone expects a 2 or 3 year old to be perfectly behaved. If not already perfectly behaved, the expectation is that they will be, after being told once that they must not hit anyone.
No. It is never ok to hit. But, the reality is that takes time to learn the rules of acceptable social behavior. Just as you don’t recite the alphabet once, and expect your child to have it memorized, you can’t expect them to learn good behavior in one go.
Always make sure the daycare is aware of any incident. They do have an obligation to keep your child safe. Ask what they plan to do if the behavior continues. Do they have age appropriate penalties for the child? Do they communicate with the other parents? Do you receive a written report of your child’s day, even if it is mostly in check mark format? Do they have a fall back position of the child’s poor behavior continues?
Does the daycare group children according to age,size, both? Perhaps this other child needs to be upgraded to be with only older children so he is no longer the ruler of the roost. Perhaps he needs more high energy activities so he burns off more energy.
Teaching a 2 year old to fight back would be ridiculous, if you are also trying to teach him not to fight. Talk about mixed and confusing messages.
Fortunately, most of our children survive daycare and learn how to behave at the same time.This behavior would be happening whether the child was at daycare or playing in the park with a couple of children from the neighbourhood. It’s how children behave until they are taught otherwise.
To the OP: Good on you for being a concerned and involved parent. Hopefully this is resolved soon so your child doesn’t fear going to daycare.
Post # 13
Its good to hear that others would be just as concerned. I know kids will get into scuffles as they are learning to socialize but this is still very upsetting to us. thanks everyone