(Closed) Child free bees – need your thoughts

posted 6 months ago in No Kids
Post # 2
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

For me, it absolutely wouldn’t be friendship-ending if someone couldn’t go for that reason. But I would also make an exception for breastfed babies. I’d check with your friend and see if there is an exception for your baby. 

Post # 3
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I really don’t see how this could be a friendship ending situation at all and if it is then the bride is selfish and not a real friend.

It sounds like you have gone above and beyond to make it work but sometimes things are just too difficult. 

Post # 5
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

If she ended the friendship over it then that would be very telling about the sort of person she is.

Our wedding will most likely be child-free, but I would make an exception for small babies, especially those that are being breast-fed. I would rather make that compromise than risk not having some of my friends at my wedding because they can’t or don’t want to leave their babies! It’s not like a baby is going to be running around making a mess like a toddler or child could, and if it cried during the ceremony or speeches I would trust that a parent would leave with it temporarily.

But that’s beside the point – if your friend is not making an exception then she needs to also be understanding that this could mean you don’t want to attend.

Post # 6
14947 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he’s only 9 weeks now,  a lot can change by the time he’s 5 months.   He may take a bottle, he may not need a 10pm feeding, he’s not so fragile anymore that someone could bathe him or just skip a bath for one day… you may be able to go if you want.  Though honestly, with a 2 hr flight, I wouldn’t have thought of leaving my baby or bringing him either way with all the unknowns of how he would be at that time. I’d just decline and not feel bad at all. 

Post # 8
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

If it were me, I would completely understand! 

You don’t need to have a baby of your own to understand they come with challenges! 

Post # 11
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Twizbe :  friendship ending? God no absolutely not. We are having a child free wedding, and if a friend had familial obligations (which is likely for a few) I would think no less of them. 

But of course we understand kids – especially babies that young – come first. Us non-baby-havers aren’t this breed of Nazi assholes who can’t see reason so plz don’t assume that we all are. 

Post # 12
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Twizbe :  Her wedding is more important to her than your baby, and your baby is more important to you than her wedding. If you choose to prioritise your baby over her wedding then she needs to accept that. Especially as you are being so understanding and supportive of her prioritising her wedding desires by having it child and baby free. 

What are you going to regret more – going to the wedding and having to leave intermittently/miss dinner, or not going at all?

Honestly, if she ends your friendship over this then it will reveal that you are better off without her. It would be bonkers if she did.

Post # 13
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Twizbe :  You say this couple is not CF so I guess I am wondering why you need opinions from CF bee’s? 

As is pointed out on this site repeatedly, it is totally fine to have a childfree wedding. It is also totally fine to decline the invite if it doesn’t work for you. It is not fine for either camp to get pissy about it. So if your friends get pissy because you make a choice that is best for you and your family in regards to attending their wedding then they are arseholes.

You are not asking them to change their plans because you are a parent. You are being reasonable and making the best choice for your situation after thinking through all possible ways you might be able to attend. It is a shame you can’t attend but it is not the end of the world. If they have a problem with it outside being reasonably sad you can’t make then they are being unreasonable.


Post # 14
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I had a childfree wedding and I would absolutely never end a friendship because someone with children couldn’t attend. Part of having a childfree wedding is accepting that setting that parameter means some guests won’t be able to attend and being fine with it. 

Decline without guilt or worry. It should in no way be damaging to the relationship. 

The topic ‘Child free bees – need your thoughts’ is closed to new replies.

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