(Closed) Child-free by Choice, and losing friends……

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

there are two lots of people

 

with kids- the click, swimming lessons, school run, parties ect

 

then therewe we are discriniated against.

is with out kids. Just the wife and her spouse, days out, holidays, spending money on themselves

 

we are child free and I some times feel like the look of horror on peoples face when they find our your married but haven’t had kids. Its like an insult to the tjst er haven’t given life to carry on humanity killing the planet lol

Post # 17
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We’re CBC, and we’ve not really experienced the friends falling off. We just don’t talk to our friend’s with children as much because their children take up so much of their time and energy which is to be expected. Have you considered joining a meetup group in your area? I’ve actually met CBC couples through a friend who is a meetup organizer. So maybe try that out!

Also, my Darling Husband and I spend a lot of time together but we also hang out separately with friends and I think that some separation is needed. Personally, I have a good bit of friends who aren’t married and we definitely hang out more than my married friends (As most of my married friends have children). Even though they’re unmarried, we still have a lot of things in common. If you don’t have many unmarried friends, I would again suggest meetup.

I understand that some people are shocked when you say you don’t want kids, I get the crazy reactions ALL OF THE TIME.  I actually love kids but don’t want the full time responsibility that parenting brings. It is not my duty as a woman to have children just because I have the parts to make it happen lol! I also don’t think it’s selfish to choose a child free life. I think it’s a brave choice to go against the grain and also a very freeing choice. You know what you want out of life and how you want to spend it, so it’s very mature to recognize that and make decisions accordingly.

Post # 18
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

anonnunonnu:  we are also CBC. About 3 of my husband’s friend have children and only 1 of mine does. I definitely see her a lot less! But since most of our friends don’t have children yet not too much has changed for us…yet. I have a girls night once a week, plus play baseball 1-2 nights a week. My husband has his own stuff too – plays a sport one night a week and has a guys night once a week. I think spending time together is awesome, but I also like having other things to do too. 🙂

If ppl straight out ask me if we’re having children I tell them we aren’t, but if someone says something like “oh you’ll see once you have children” I just agree and let them assume. Theyll figure it out eventually – I’d rather that than the awkward convo that follows when you tell ppl you aren’t having kids. :p

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  _blackbird_.
Post # 19
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

    I’m not CBC but instead through medical issues which caused multiple miscarriages and never being able to carry a pregnancy to term, but I too noticed that after all of my friends began having children that they slowly dropped out of my life one by one. I have actually had a couple of them tell me they “felt guilty” inviting me to baby showers, kid birthday parties, and bringing little ones along when we hang out, because they felt this was rubbing my nose in the fact that they had something I longed for but could never have.

    This is different than being CBC I know, but I guess the fact of the matter is that people’s priorities and entire lifestyles change once they do become parents, and since I am now getting a bit older (42) I’m finding that most of the women I end up developing friendships with are older whose children have already left the nest or who are at least late teens with their own social lives. I have one friend in her late 40s who recently had her young grandchildren come to live with her temporarily due to issues between the parents, and I hardly see or hear from her anymore now that they are there. And when we do get to visit, she is in full caregiver mode and it almost gets annoying that our adult conversation is interrupted every five minutes so she can “parent”.

  

Post # 20
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve not experienced friends dropping off once they have kids. Quiet the opposite; I find they crave adult company and sometimes I have trouble fitting them all in! 

With my Fiance, he and his friends get together for activities; like to play or watch sports, go for runs or play darts. Exploring new interests could be a way that your SO could meet some new mates. 

Post # 21
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Canadian Rockies

I guess I’ve been lucky in that 2/3 of the closest friends I have (really my only friends) don’t have kids and aren’t married yet. 1 is single and was working on grad school, 1 is engaged no kids but wants them, and 1 has a kid. I can text them whenever and hang out pretty much whenever. We have similar interests, obviously. Maybe someday this dynamic will change, but for now it works 🙂

Further, I do spend a decent amount of time with Fiance, but we have interests apart from one another as well, so it’s a good dynamic I think. (He likes online gaming and cars, I like my British or trash tv and going to bars on occasion) We also have 2 cats we bond over lol.

I actually haven’t had many people ask us about kids! Probably because we just NOW got engaged, and have been together almost 7 years now. I am sure it will come up more frequently.. but when it does, it can be a bit awkward. I have found it to be less awkward if I say we don’t want kids — “right now...” But unfortunately this feels like a fib to me. 

Post # 22
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I think it all depends on your circle of friends….I am 28 and most of my friends are 30+ almost no one is married and no one has kids yet…So I haven’t experienced it yet and I already know a lot of people who ar enot even planning to get married or have kids whatsoever. 

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