Post # 1
I need alittle help here wiht a situation. We decided on a child free wedding for many reasons. We were careful to say it was adult only on our website, and invites were only listed to include adult guests by name. We already had a few family members raise a stink about this, but those situations have been handled. It’s still a sore subject for a few people, but it’s our wedding and we do not want children there.
Fast forward a few months till today and this problem has resurfaced. Fiance friend just told him that him, his wife, and their nearly 2 year old son will be attending (after not sending back the rsvp too). The invite was never addressed to their son. They’ve just told us they are. They are coming from quite a distance, and to be completely honest we expected they would decline because of the distance and being child free. We are ok with them not coming if they don’t feel ok leaving their child with someone. But, the situation they’ve put us in now is weird and I’m not sure what to say anymore since they know it’s child free. We’ve also said that the hotel has a list of sitters they work with if they would like to look into that. But the couple basically just said they’re coming and hasn’t responded to any of these suggestions. I have no idea how to figure out if they’re still intending to just show up with him now, or are so offended they aren’t coming.
Post # 2
If they’re your fiance’s friends, he calls them (no texting or emailing) and says “Listen, I see that your planning to bring Son, I’m so sorry for the miscommunication but the invitation was only for you and Wife. I hope you and Wife will still be able to make it.” If the guest continues to push from there, “We won’t be able to accomodate Son on the day of the wedding.”
Leave no room for confusion. Don’t apologize for the policy, the policy is fine. Just apologize that they misunderstood your policy.
Post # 3
mssoontobe : You say,
“I’m so sorry, there seems to be a misunderstanding. We are not having kids at the wedding and are unable to accommodate little Johnny. The hotel has a list of sitters unless you prefer to find your own childcare.”
If they reply saying they can’t/won’t leave their kid you say:
“Although we will you guys at the wedding, we completely understand. If you’re able to find children and change your mind about attending, please let us know!”
Post # 4
Do not budge on this. You already addressed the other guests so just do the same with this one. If they cannot find accomidations for little johnny on the day, they can stay home. I don’t know why anyone would ever think that bringing an uninvited guest to a wedding (whether it be their child or not) is even remotely appropriate.
Post # 5
I’m sorry this happened to you. It happened to me twice! Two cousins, two 2 year olds.
They are essentially daring you to say something.
You gotta call and tell them that you’re very sorry but it’s a no kids wedding and you hope they understand. I know it’s awkward but if you let them push you around, other people who did leave their children home will be offended as well.
Try not to stress- it’s not your fault.
Post # 6
I had this happen with two different couples at my wedding. The first couple we were firm with and said no. They ended up finding a sitter for their son and he was close to the wedding venue so she could check on him throughout the night. But they were kind of pissed about it. Honestly, I didn’t care. They had the choice to attend or not…I saw it as their choice.
Then the second friend, I actually felt bad for. I had figured she could leave her youngest with the oldest for the evening (there’s a 14 year age difference), but her oldest was not in town. So – when she stated that she was bringing her 15 month old, I didn’t know what to do. She doesn’t have a lot of family support and doesn’t have money for a baby sitter. With her, I’d explained that we had already made another couple annoyed at the no children thing and were firm with them, so we didn’t want to ruffle feathers by this friend bringing her daughter. She understood, but was unable to attend.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
This annoys me to no end. Everyone thinks they’re the exception to rules. Agree with other post: fiancé needs to CALL the offenders and clarify the no kid policy. I’m annoyed for you.
Post # 8
I’m so annoyed that this is even an issue right now. And Fiance doesn’t seem to understand why letting it slide for them is going to create a HUGE fmaily drama for everyone we’ve already dealt with about this. I want him to deal with this since it’s his friend, but he seems unwilling to say more to them about ti since he already told them it child free.
Post # 9
mssoontobe : They are in the wrong. Definitely make sure that your Fiance talks to them. You’ve asked them politely and made sure the rules were outlined. Honestly I’ve only attended two weddings where kids were allowed One it was a family wedding and the bride and groom had kids themselves. The other was the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid both had newborn children but for the most part most of the weddings I’ve been to are childfree
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard
mssoontobe : if he won’t call them maybe you should. And just say something like “hey, I know that you’re better friends with [fiance] but I’m in charge of calling our guests….”
Post # 11
This is just kinda what you get when you choose a child free wedding.
Personally, I think it’s selfish to assume your friends/ family would just go without kids or not go at all. Ironically, the people having child free weddings don’t have kids and just have no clue what kind of position that puts you in as a parent.
Side question, did you SPECIFICALLY say no children on the invitation? Most people don’t look at wedding websites, as they are arbitrary. If you did not specify on the invites, that’s on you.
Post # 12
macpartyoftwo : I agree with this as well! I don’t particularly like kids and don’t want any of my own but I love my little cousins and wanted them at my wedding. Also, when I was a child I made a lot of memories at weddings and I wanted my wedding to do that for my younger family members… The kids were well behaved and tore up the dance floor!
Post # 14
macpartyoftwo : no, it’s not. there are plenty of adults out there who aren’t assholes and understand that not all social functions are appropriate for children. being a parent is a choice, and all choices have consequences. maybe sometimes that means you don’t attend an event you’d like to because you can’t or don’t want to leave you child behind. that’s fine – that is your choice not to leave your child with a sitter. the guests of OP don’t have to attend the wedding – that is their decision. OP is not putting them in some “kind of position”. she invited them to an event, and they don’t have to go. is your boss also putting you into “some kind of position” by not allowing children at work? what about R-rated movies? or bars? you’re not entitled to bring your children to every single damn social event, so stop acting like it.
also, you might want to look up the meaning of “arbitrary” because wedding websites are rarely such.
Post # 15
pinkcorsage : 2ndchance : Thanks he tried calling them but no answer
macpartyoftwo : Cool, so no one is stopping you from having children at YOUR wedding. There is nothing wrong with having adult only events. There is a time and place for children – when they’re in danger of falling off a cliff cermeony site, costing 100 a head, and crying through our cermeony, well that’s not the time or place for them.
The card said adult reception.
frillsandthrills : Glad you had a lovely wedding. Everyone can host the type of wedding they want.
Post # 16
catskillsinjune : Thanks. We’re hosting and thus get to decide the type of event we’re hosting. We aren’t gulting anyone into going, and anyone who has said they can’t come because of their children we’ve been very polite with and understanding.
We invited the people we want there. If they can’t come that’s too bad, but we’re not going to hold it against them.