(Closed) Child in Wedding Party but Not Invited to Reception – How to Handle This

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
10466 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

 

You are not out of line at all. It’s ridiculous to expect you to fly to another state and leave your child with someone you don’t know. I guess the two options are 1) the bride lets you bring your child to the reception (obviously the easiest, most reasonable option) or 2) you, your husband, and child attend only the ceremony. 

Post # 3
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

There are nanny agencies with pre-screened sitters. Depending on how much money you’re willing to spend, you can get someone with a masters degree and 15+ years experience. I have worked for one of these agencies and trust them if they’ve been in business long enough. Maybe you could arrange for them to babsyit on site? would that make you feel better? 

Coming from out of state and in my bridal party — you would absolutely be allowed to bring your kids to my reception. Not sure how much of it they would be “with it” for, though – mine starts at 7:30 and the littles get sleepy around 8, don’t they? 

Post # 4
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

That’s ridiculous. It’s basically saying they want your kids to be cute photo props for the ceremony and pictures but don’t get to come to the part where they thank their guests for attending. I’m guessing that since both of you are in the wedding party you’d both be expected to be at the reception the full time as well? I just think it’s completely unfair to ask you all to fly in from out of town and then leave your child with a complete stranger. I mean, if that’s what you’d prefer that’s fine but you shouldn’t be forced into it. 

I’m afraid I don’t have that much good advice, it sounds like she’s dead-set against having children at the reception. You could try to explain to her that you don’t feel comfortable with the situation that she’s forcing you into. 

Post # 5
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I do not think you are out of line for expecting that.  You are all in the wedding party and traveling there, and have spend loads of money to do this for her.  So your kid is good enough for the wedding, to make good pics, but she doesn’t want to see them after that?  I would not just leave my child with someone I didn’t know. Any time I have found a sitter it has been a process.  It is not easy to find child care.  So I would just tell her straight out that is not possible.

If she paid for child care at the venue, maybe a kids set up in the corner, I would take her up on something like that.

Post # 6
Member
13386 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You obviously got mixed messages. Was your child on the invitation? If not, I would have called to find out what was going on.

Children in the wedding party are not meant to be props, they are guests like any other. I’ve seen local situations where young children stayed for a short time, or went off to a sitter after the ceremony, but that was the parents’ own choice. 

What they are doing is wrong, but if they won’t make an exception, then either one parent would either no longer be able to attend or we’d use a reputable nanny service. 

It’s only because it’s immediate family that I’d even consider the latter. 

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

She sounds like a brat. I’ve always felt children in the bridal party are an exception when it comes to adult only receptions. It’s kind of weird she wants to use her future niece/nephew as a prop and then give them the boot. If she doesn’t budge on it I would just attend the ceremony and not the reception.

Post # 8
Member
9784 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

There’s no way I would leave my kid with someone I’d never even met.

I’d tell my brother that unfortunately if my kid can’t attend, we’ll be leaving after the ceremony. I’m not really sure what other option they’re giving you here. I had a child-free wedding but I also had no children in the wedding party or people flying in…

Post # 9
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Is the other child in the wedding party also? If they are not maybe she is only allowing children in the wedding party to attend the reception, so you don’t need to find a sitter?

 

Post # 10
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

That is absolutely ridiculous. We had a child-free wedding, and because of that, did not have a flower girl/ring bearer/etc. If she is wanting kids to be in the wedding, she can’t exepct that the parents, who are also in the wedding party and likely expected to do pictures, etc, after the ceremony would be able to then find additional childcare and somehow get that straightened out and still make it to the reception. No. That is so out of line.

Post # 11
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
@ allsmiles92   Edit just to clarify more. OP was contacted to see if who is watching her child (them assuming) could also watch the ring bearer. So both children are in the wedding party.

Post # 12
Member
47433 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you actually spoken to your brother or his FI? Just because they are not inviting other chldren doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t inviting children in the wedding party.

Post # 13
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would definitely talk to her and your brother – especially if you’ve been hearing things ‘on the grapevine.’  FI and I have asked that no children are at our wedding but we have spoken individually to all of our guests who we know have kids to tell them that we would appreciate a child-free day but if they have no other choice, we would rather have them and their child than not have them at all.  It wouldn’t be surprising it’s the same sort of deal here – if they’ve given your child a role then they’re probably not going to complain about them being at the reception and just dont want 20 or something other children there.  

Post # 14
Member
9402 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

She’s being ridiculous.  If the kids weren’t in the wedding party, then that’d be another story.. though still a really difficult situation for you.

I hope she sees the light, I don’t really see any solution to be honest.  As much as she’s in the wrong simply lecturing her probably won’t do anything productive.  And since this is your brothers wedding, not attending probably will cause more problems than it will solve.. plus I assume you’ve bought your tickets by now. :-/

ETA: since you heard all this “through the grapevine” I’d probably either reach out to your brother and find out what’s going on or.. since nothing is refundable anyway.. just pretend I never heard anything and continue on assuming your brother and Future Sister-In-Law aren’t jackasses.  I’d probably talk to my own brother before his bride, tbh.

Post # 15
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’d like to throw in the option that your child could drop from the wedding party and stay with someone you know where you live now, if you would be comfortable with that.

I’m not saying it’s he best option, but if for some reason you still wanted to go the wedding and reception and couldnt find a babysitter you were comfortable with, it would technically be something you could propose.

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