(Closed) Child in Wedding Party but Not Invited to Reception – How to Handle This

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
3443 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

She’s completely out of line. We’re having a child free wedding, no kids in the wedding party. I’d never use my guests children as photo props but not invite them to the entire event. All kinds of wrong. If this was her plan from the start she should have made it known long ago so you could either make arrangements or decline. Even if she provided childcare I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving my child with unknown persons. I still think she’s being incredibly unreasonable. 😡

Post # 17
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m reading through this because I’m not in the exact same situation but we were invited to my cousin’s wedding and everyone in their family has been saying, “We’re so excited to see you and the baby!” but then I found out that it’s a kid-free wedding and they aren’t offering any babysitters…So, I’m confused. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I’d be pretty annoyed! I think typically if they’re IN the wedding, they’re the only exception to the no kids rule!

Post # 18
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Honestly I would assume youre the exception of the kids free rule. Maybe its only the kids in the wedding party. Ask your brother before you get worked up about it. 

It would be beyond rude for them to have your kid be in the wedding party but not invited to the reception. Just ridiculous. Have a kids free wedding fine, but dont invite kids to just parade around for pics and then leave their parents in a difficult situation for the reception.

Post # 19
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

Since this is your brother’s wedding, the very first thing you should do is talk to him. I find it hard to believe that your brother and future sister-in-law would have your child in the wedding party but not invited to the reception (which is rude enough on its own), but especially since they know you’ll be travelling and won’t have access to your regular sitters in your hometown. Perhaps what you’ve heard ‘through the grapevine’ doesn’t apply to children in the wedding party/ family members. 

If, however, your brother confirms that your child can’t come to the reception, I’d call him out on their extreme rudeness. Brides and grooms are absolutely within their rights to choose a child-free wedding, but they don’t get to use kids as props for the ceremony and photo ops (I’m assuming they’d be expected to be in the photo sesh as well) then exclude them from the reception. I’d tell them how rude it is and I’d also put my foot down and refuse to leave my child with a complete stranger. What on earth do they expect travelling parents to do with children who are in the wedding party but not invited to the reception??

Post # 20
Member
9481 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we had a child free reception but it was important for DH’s cousins to be involved.  we compromised that they 2 older sisters could be flower girls but the youngest sister was too young to be included.  the younger sister stayed with a babysitter in the parents hotel room, when the ceremony was over, the babysitter took all three girls home. our wedding was local.

i know this is an added expense, but could you bring a babysitter with you?

also, you said you heard it through the grapevine.  i suggest you talk to your brother.  maybe they will make an excepting for immediate family if it risks that you will not be able to attend.

 

we are going to a wedding in the fall 5 hours driving away.  i want to bring my toddler to meet family members he hasn’t met yet, but he is not invited to the wedding, nor do i want to bring him.  i have some friends in the area, and we asked them if they don’t mind sharing their personal babysitters that night, it’s the closest to can get to trusting someone i don’t know.

 

Post # 21
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m all for kid-free weddings, I had one myself, but generally speakig if you have a RB/FG they are generally an exception to the rule. My RB/FG were the children of my Maid/Matron of Honor, and while they were welcome at the reception (they would have been the only kids) their mom opted to have them go home with a sitter. That being said I think it’s super shitty that your kids are expected to be IN the wedding, but not at the reception. I would let her know that either the kids come to the reception, or not at all – and then I’d look into a nanny service.

Post # 22
Member
914 posts
Busy bee

Sorry bee. I would talk to your brother about it and basically tell them that they are not being fair to you or other members in the bridal party who have kids that are in the wedding. The kids are invited to the entire wedding or they arent invited at all. And its not reasonable to expect you to leave your child with someone you don’t know if you aren’t comfortable with it. Doesn’t matter how certified or how many degrees the person has.  Maybe get your parents involved if you have to? Sometimes brides have to be put in their place. Myself included lol. They are so dead set on a vision they don’t realize that they are being unreasonable. 

Post # 23
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

They should have told you this before it got to this point. Did you already buy your airline tickets? I would talk to your brother. They should have been very clear on this. This is why people need to choose child free 100% or allow children. I would think if you still want to go since now it’s a huge hassle. Plus the bride sucks for pointing out that you had a child free wedding. Yes maybe you did, but I doubt you left people hanging like this. She should fund an on site sitter for you. Perhaps on site is an option? That way if you get worried you can check in. 

Post # 24
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
mominthemidwest :  I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Seriously – the kids are in their wedding party, they should be invited to the reception! I say you give the bride the option of inviting the kids, or the kids just won’t be in the wedding and you’ll your son with a sitter at home (if that’s even an option. I assume you have trusted sitters where you live). Nevermind how rude this all is, with all of the added costs you are having to pay to be in their wedding out of state.

Post # 25
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

That should say find. 

Post # 26
Member
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
mominthemidwest :  the out of state part doesn’t matter to me – you can always choose not to go if you can’t find a sitter you are comfortable with. BUT, and it’s a huge but, your child is IN the wedding. All members of the bridal party should be invited to the reception. I probably wouldn’t even bother asking unless the bride said something to me and would just plan on bringing the kid to the reception. She’s the one that’s making a faux pas – not you. 

Post # 27
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee

That’s very inappropriate if you’re in the wedding party AND you’re immediate family and they say you can’t bring your child to the reception.  You should ask your brother adn his fiancee if that’s true.  When we got married, we didn’t want kids at our reception as that would have blown the maximum capacity at our venue, but our siblings were allowed to have their kids there. We wanted our nieces and nephews there, even though we didn’t want other peoples’ kids there.  And my niece was my flower girl so we absolutely expected her to be at the reception too. 

Post # 30
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I wouldn’t let someone use my adorable kids as props. No one will ever be using my children to fill positions and pose for pictures and then kick them out once their “job” is done. Not happening. That is rude AF. I’m doing a kid-free wedding too, with the obvious exception of the ring bearers, and flower girls. No invites were needed for them, it’s a given! I can’t imagine putting their parents out like that! And I sure as hell wouldn’t leave my kids with some stranger babysitter in a different state. What a horrible position to put you in. I honestly wouldn’t go. If I had to, we would all leave after the ceremony. 

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