(Closed) Child in Wedding Party but Not Invited to Reception – How to Handle This

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
393 posts
Helper bee

My opinion on the matter is that I think it’s fine that she’s having a child free reception, even though she’s having children in the wedding. BUT she’s completely in the wrong because she should have told you this BEFORE she asked if your children could be in the wedding. This way, you could base your response on that. The fact that you’re all already planning on going, expecting that the kids would be invited to the reception (and rightfully so, since she never said otherwise until now), makes me think she needs to allow the children who will be in the wedding to also come to the reception. 

For some brides though, this is a steadfast “rule” and she may not be willing to budge. I think then, your options are either to go to the ceremony and then leave right after, tell her your children won’t be able to come and leave them with someone you’re comfortable with (but only if you’re comfortable with leaving them), or just decline to come to the wedding all together. Again, I have no problem with childfree weddings, but I also know there will be consequences to that decision and people deciding against coming to the wedding is one of those possible consequences. 

Hope it all works out! 

Post # 32
4251 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I think this bride can either not have both kids in the wedding, or welcome them both to the reception.

Post # 33
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

I would definitely talk to both of them so you can get a clear understanding of what the plan is. I find it rude that the children are being used in the wedding and photographs and not invited to the reception. If they wanted a “child free” wedding then they should not have children in the wedding party.They shouldn’t expect you to ship your child off to a complete stranger in a new city as soon as the party begins. As a parent, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my children with people I don’t know and trust. They put you in a very unfair position. If they are deadset on this decision I would attend the wedding as planned and when the reception starts congratulate them and head back to the hotel. 

Post # 34
3087 posts
Sugar bee

If it were me and this was true, I would only go to the ceremony and not bother with the reception  (but only if I am able to make a fun holiday out of it with my family because I won’t be driving 90 minutes for nothing). Or, decline the invite altogether. But I would not be trying to find a babysitter when it is super inconvenient to do so and after my child is actually in the wedding party – not gonna happen.

Post # 35
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

For my wedding our nephew, who was only about 9 months old at the time, was our “ring bearer” AKA was carried down the aisle by Brother-In-Law & SIL. We had a kid free wedding, but I could never imagine saying he wasn’t allowed to stay. That was the only exception, not only because he was in the wedding, but because he was DH’s godson and our nephew. Maybe you are the exception to the rule. Just talk to them 🙂

Post # 36
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Wow, I am shocked that they would handle it like this. I had an all adult wedding, with the exception of my daughter and DH’s sister’s kids. All children invited to the ceremony were also invited to the reception. To do otherwise is just plain rude. 

And, for the reord, the kids were the highlight if the first half of the reception. Dancing and being so adorable! People still comment on it! Your future SIL is being a brat. 

Post # 37
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If this was me I would not have my kid in the wedding and leave them at home with other family.. I wouldn’t go out of state just for a 20 minute ceremony.

She is being ridicolous btw, wanting your kid as a prop so everyone can aww down the aisle and that’s it?

I get child free weddings.. we are having one ourselves and when we asked our best friends to have their daughter as a flower girl we let them know that reception will be child free before they commit.. they had no issue with that because their parents and in laws live a 30 min drive and the grandma will come watch ceremony and then take little one home.. which our friends preferred as they want to enjoy the adult event.

However.. this is a 30 min drive away not an out of state wedding.

You could always be expection to the rule though?

Post # 38
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would be very upset as well especially since you have to travel. She needs to either have a kid free wedding or allow children to both events. I don’t get why people don’t want kids at the reception? I’d think the ceremony part would be worse if they acted out. 

Post # 39
364 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
mominthemidwest :  nobody should be telling u who u should be leaving ur child with. U are not comfortable-fullstop. Tell her unfortunately you both will not be attending the reception.

Post # 40
364 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
mominthemidwest :  also it is ridiculous to want to have kids for ceremony where she needs and then want them not to show up where she does not need.

Post # 41
8030 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have kids and kid free weddings are just fine. But expecting you to travel from out of state for your kid to be a photo prop and then ditch them with strangers is NOT. Some people are ridiculous.

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