Post # 1
My fiancé and I got engaged on Valentine’s Day and started wedding planning at the beginning of the pandemic in March. His aunt is child molester and he planned to invite her to wedding which I quickly objected to due to children being present at our wedding (i.e. the follower girl and ring bearer) and it being a risk factor. After much back and forth, he finally agreed. Now that our state is transitioning to reopen we have the opportunity to resume wedding planning and he has put his aunt back on the list. He claims that I am wrong for not wanting her there, that I’m crazy, and that she will not reoffend because she is sober from drugs and alcohol now. It’s not a risk that I am willing to take and I prefer not to have someone capable of hurting children present on our special. Am I wrong or over-reacting?
Post # 2
you are not wrong, he is! I would not allow her at your wedding.
Post # 3
No you’re absolutely not overreacting. I would not be comfortable with this at all.
Post # 4
Couldn’t there be legal repercussions with her being around kids? I would definitely put my foot down and tell your Fiance that she will absolutely not be attending an event with kids around.
Post # 5
I say that if you abuse or molest children, you deserve whatever the consequences are for that. It would never even occur to most people to hurt a child, regardless of drugs or alcohol, and the person who would is sick. It would upset me that she’s even free, so no, she wouldn’t be welcome anywhere near my wedding, regardless of whether there were children present or not.
Post # 6
The fact that your fiance is ok with a child molestor being at the wedding speaks volumes to his character. Are you sure you wanna marry this man?
Post # 7
Fuck no. Absolutely not. You are not in the wrong and this would be my hill to die on. Is this going to be a continuous issue in the future OP? Are you planning on having children? If yes will he insist that she be around them too?
Post # 8
Nope, dealbreaker. For that matter, calling you crazy over this, or making excuses for her would be, too.
Was the aunt ever charged or is this some kind of family secret?
Post # 9
I would die on this hill. I’d also seriously reconsider marrying someone with such a cavalier attitude about this! A child sex offender being no big deal to him is an extremely big deal to me.
Post # 10
It sounds like he is more afraid of taking flak from his family than he is concerned about the safety of the children at your wedding. This would be a hill to die on for me.
Post # 11
Hell no. You are not overreacting.
I would also be reconsidering spending my life with someone who insisted upon including a child molester at an event with children. What happens if the two of you have children?
Post # 12
If I were you OP I would make it crystal clear to your fiancé that she won’t ever be in your life. She won’t be at your wedding, or ever meet any children you two have together and will not be invited to any events you host. Period. He needs to decide before you marry him if he can accept that.
Do not marry him if he can’t understand she will never be a part of your lives and that starts with your wedding. Like others said, If I were in your shoes I would make this issue a deal breaker. He agrees to this or no wedding at all. Zero tolerance for aunt’s behavior.
Post # 13
You know what else I would do if I were you OP? Sign you two up for pre marital counseling and complete that before you get married. I wouldn’t be ok AT ALL marrying a guy who calls me crazy for a normal reaction to someone else’s behavior. That’s very abusive behavior and I would want to make sure he knew it wouldn’t be tolerated and could stop doing that before I married him.
Post # 14
How do you know she is a child molester? Is this from rumors, has she admitted to it, have you heard first hand accounts from victims?
If you know for a fact she is a child molester, then she should not be at your wedding. Period. A wedding is a great opportunity for child molesters. People are drinking, have their guard down because everyone knows each other, they’re distracted by the bride.
Your FH’s attitude is troubling. You’re not “crazy”. He is. Also, drug and alcohol use are not triggers for child abuse!!! There are lots of sober child molesters out there (think priests, Boy Scout leaders, beacons of society. There are also a lot of alcoholics and drug addicts who manage to NOT MOLEST CHILDREN.
Your fiance is the problem. His gaslighting and minimizing is unacceptable. If you have children, is he going to let her around? I cannot believe this was even up for discussion. Do the parents of the child guests know that there will be a child molester present? Would you take your child into the same room as a child molester? How do you think these parents would feel if they found out you knew? That would be friendship ending. End of any and all contact.
I am sorry, and I know this is easy for me to say, but I would have stopped wedding planning the moment he called me “crazy” for not wanting a child molester at a wedding with children. Please reconsider marrying into this family.
Post # 15
I have to agree with everyone above. I know of a family who the grandfather was molesting his kids and it was proven, he lost custody, and now that his kids have kids (they are all now 40+) they have NOTHING to do with him and when their children were little same thing. No contact. The one time that he was around helping do some plumbing work for one of them, he was caught digging in the trash in the bathroom looking at some period panties that his grand daughter who had just gotten her period had thrown away. So it is a sickness. Obviously he’s still sick because his children who he was molesting are grown adults and now he’s has a child’s period panties from out of the trash in his hands? Hell no would she be invited to ANYTHING. and I agree that I wouldn’t want to marry someone who thinks pedophilia and molestation is a minor thing to look past especially with children being at the wedding.