Post # 16
Hill to die on for me as well. Also, and this isn’t a great thought, but I’d be wondering if he was one of her victims. Finding excuses for her seems like something a victim might do to try to convince themselves that it wasn’t so bad. I absolutely agree that if you go forward with the wedding, counseling is necessary. There may be some demons you don’t know about. And if not, it’s an awfully cavalier attitude for him to take with regard to such a gross offense.
Post # 17
Nope. Its offensive to alcoholics and drug users to suggest that is why she molested children. I wouldn’t want her near me- EVER- and would reconsider marrying your fiance if he pushes the matter.
Post # 18
So his whole family brushes this off like it was nothing? Is she on the offender registry? Regardless, I have to agree that this is the hill to die on. No contact with the aunt, ever, and she will never see any children you might have or no wedding.
Post # 19
- Wedding: December 2021 - Newport RI
You’re absolutely not wrong. Your partner’s attitude, and the fact that he’s even maintained that relationship, is concerning.
If someone steals from you when they’re drunk, do you let it go, just let them keep it? Fuck no.I did shitty things when I was young and high, and the holes I made in walls were always still there in the morning. You have to live with the consequences of the things you do, you don’t get to shirk them and you don’t get to tell people how they feel about it. She did what she did and it doesn’t matter what influence she was under.
Post # 20
No you are definitely not over reacting!!!!! She does not need to be around kids!! Period!
Post # 21
Never. I am abuse survivor and I will always advocate for children..a child molester has no place near children.. period.
Post # 22
I agree that this would be my hill to die on and I’d seriously question my sanity if it turned into a huge fight. This should be a no brainer.
Post # 23
and, if his family has set the tone for this lackadaisical attitude toward her offense, I would not feel comfortable that they would protect my children from being in her presence in the future. It would cause me stress and distrust. The safety of children always comes first.
Post # 24
You sure you want to marry this guy? He’s going to be okay with her being around your future children, nieces and nephews, etc.
Post # 25
Just another reason I would advise marriage counseling not feeling comfortable enough to tell the person you asked to spend the rest of your life with things that happened to you. Would show a lack of openness. If you can’t be open and forthcoming with your own spouse who can you?
Post # 26
Absolutely do not invite her. I am concerned about his attitude about her and the family’s attitude. Drug addiction is no excuse for child molestation. So if you have kids would he be ok with his kids spending time around this aunt? That is a big red flag.
Post # 27
And if the rest of the family is okay with it, would you even be able to trust your Mother-In-Law with your child (if you choose to have them)? Or would she think it was okay to have that aunt around? If she thinks what the aunt did was no big deal, then why wouldn’t she?
It’s the WHOLE FAMILY that’s f*cked up. Consider that seriously if you choose to marry this guy.
Post # 28
I sure as hell hope she never goes on to reoffend but to me it’s not a guessing game about the likelihood of that one way or another. She’s a person I wouldn’t want around even if no children were present. You’re not wrong on this.
Post # 29
such a good point! I didn’t even think of that! Anyone who was ok being in contact at all with the aunt would be someone that I wouldn’t ever want my kids to be alone with ever. It shows their judgement is compromised and I wouldn’t trust that they wouldn’t bring aunt around my kids if I wasn’t there. OP you have a lot of queations to ask before you marry this person. This goes far beyond a wedding invite.
Post # 30
it *might* be wrong to string the aunt up with her own entrails. It’s definitely not wrong to keep her away from your wedding that has young children.
I’m a touch biased against child molesters now that I have a baby girl, but am sure that child molesters lose the right to invitations from polite society when they go ahead and attack society’s most vulnerable.