Child molester being invited to wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Just because she hasn’t been caught again doesn’t mean she’s all better. This is a big nope

Post # 32
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@avalynpage:  Oh hell no!! This shouldn’t have even had to become a discussion! And how can he call you inconsiderate for not wanting a sex offender at your own wedding? What does that say about his acceptance of people who hurt others? This is completely unacceptable. 

Post # 33
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would die on this hill. It’s not even about the wedding I would end the relationship unless he agrees to cut this person out if our (mine and his) lives permanently. I can’t believe he’s arguing with you on this! This would really make me question who he is, his judgement and his character, and if I could really marry someone like that. 

How could I trust him or his family with my kids?! This is just all kinds of fucked up.

A lot of people have struggles with addiction and manage to not hurt children. It’s unforgivable.

Post # 34
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t even know why he would even want to associate with her knowing she’s a child molestor! If someone in my family was a child molestor, I’d never want to have anything to do with them ever, much less invite them to the biggest event of my life! Screw that. I think it’s so inappropriate of him to do that. You have a say and this is not about inviting an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s about someone who committed crimes against children!!  Disgusting and revolting.  How is he even ok with this and can make excuses for her??  You’re not crazy (and I would take great offense at him for calling you that!), he is! What if you have kids someday? Will he want to invite her over for family dinners and include her in birthday parties?  Think about that if she is allowed to come to your wedding.  If he can do that, he will always be able to manipulate you into letting his pedophile aunt into your lives.

Post # 35
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

A man that would even give this idea a moment’s thought is not a man I would want to spend an hour with let alone marry.

The whole idea of him associating with her at all would turn my stomach.

Post # 36
Member
3293 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Call me crazy but I’m sure I’ve seen this story before but it was an uncle not an aunt … first time poster too …. 

but yeah – my guess that any sex offender would not legally be allowed to attend anyway. 

Post # 37
Member
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@Twizbe:  “Call me crazy” lol nice pun! yes I remember that! I think it was a few years ago 

OP if it is true that this woman is a child molester then there is no way you can allow her to your wedding or in your life in any capacity

I can’t get past the gaslighting “you are crazy” -I cannot comprehend this at all

So YOU are crazy for not wanting a CHILD MOLESTER around CHILDREN? The utter hypocrisy of calling you crazy is so beyond me

He has lost his damn mind if HE is calling YOU crazy for wanting to steer clear of a child molester. You would have to be a complete idiot to think it’s okay to expose vulnerable children to a predator. It should have been you calling him crazy (not that name calling is okay but you see my point)

I’d be running the other way

Post # 38
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

If he wants her at the wedding, then he’ll want her at family holidays where your future kids will be. I’d have a serious conversation about this. Very alarming to brush that under the rug for the sake of family ties. 

Post # 39
Member
3293 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@neverbeenstungbee:  haha lolz totally unintended 

Post # 40
Member
2045 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee I’d seriously rethink this relationship if this is how he and his family thinks.  If you and he had children neither he nor his family would have a problem exposing those children to this aunt and they’d probably do it behind your back since they already know how you feel.  

That’s a major trust issue brewing…..if you plan on having kids.  Child family members are already in danger.  They just don’t know it yet.

Please let him know that drugs don’t create pedophiliacs.  That’s something that’s already inside them.  Its a pathology that is difficult, if not impossible to treat.  Its simply a matter of time before she starts trolling for victims again…..just a matter of time. 

That also means there was most likely another predator in that family.   

Post # 41
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I get that she’s family to him and that he wants to believe her acts were only caused by drugs and alcohol that are now out of her life. However, this is not a risk that you guys can take on behalf of everyone at your wedding, especially without their consent and with children present. I would stress to him this is a non-negotiable, essentially “It’s me or your aunt.”

Post # 42
Member
48 posts
Newbee

What is wrong with him?!

Post # 43
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

This goes way beyond who should get invited to a wedding.  If you are going to go ahead with this marriage, at the very least, you need some serious counselling beforehand.  It’s so easy for families to brush this kind of thing under the carpet and look the other way.  And it is extremely rare for an abuser to stop abusing.

It is especially important if you are planning on having kids of your own.  At some point, they will be left unattended with your husband or his family and you have no guarantee what will happen at that point.  Especially if your husband has been abused himself as a child, because he is likely to try to minimise it or pretend it’s not happening so as not to have to confront it.

My grandfather abused my mother and she still put me in a situation as a young child where he could abuse me too.  So you can’t assume your husband to be would protect your own kids.  I can’t emphasise enough how important this is to get sorted.  And in my view, anyone who knowingly allows a child to be in the presence of a known abuser is as guilty as the abuser themself.  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if my mother had had the guts to take some action, I would have been protected – so because she didn’t, I see her as being as guilty as my grandfather was.  Do you want your kids to view you that way?

 

Post # 44
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I’ll probably get flack for this, but I think it depends on what happened. Was she 18 and slept with her 17 year old boyfriend? Thats a flaw of the system. But if its cut and dry she abused kids, thats a deal breaker for me, too. 

Post # 45
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

If she has to go to the wedding, then you have to tell everyone else that she is what she is. Is she worth losing wedding guests over, particularly the ones bringing children?

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