Post # 1
Ok, confession time. Sometimes I lurk on Baby Center just to watch the drama unfold (in small doses). Some of the women who had babies in May are already pregnant again.
Man, I could not imagine that right now! But some people really want that.
We don’t plan to have another bio child, but do plan to adopt our second and have already begun to think about what would be optimal spacing for us. For us, it’s complicated by the fact that adopting from overseas takes time!
I can’t imagine adding a new child to our lives after the age of 42 (for me). I also can’t imagine having another child added to the household until this one is 3 (out of diapers). However, due to the complications of international adoption, that could lead to us having two children of exactly the same age.
So what is your optimal spacing? Do you have brothers and sisters that you think are ideally spaced? Were you too close or too far in age from your sibs?
Post # 3
What is wrong with having two kids the same age? Might be kind of like twins? 🙂 I am 8 years younger than my brother. NOT IDEAL. haha. I mean I guess it was kind of cool that I had my parents to myself for half of my youth (he moved out when I was 9/10) and that I had an older brother who could help me out with things… but honestly we never interacted at all. My mom always said she had two only children. And now as adults, we are not close.
Post # 4
2.5 years young that my brother (my only sibling). Perfect timing for us! We didn’t fight, we had things in common, and I wasn’t so young that he hated me being around and bugging him. We’re so close!
Post # 5
My sister and I are a couple years apart. It was ideal when we were younger (before we hit the teens) because we were of the right age to be into all the same stuff and still play nicely and happily with each other. When we both hit puberty though that all went out the window and we fought a lot – as siblings do. We’re close now but not super close. I wouldn’t want the age gap to be any different to what it is now but I’m sure for a while there my parents were wondering why they had kids so close together!
Post # 6
Okay, I have a wealth of siblings to choose from, so here we go (all half or adopted siblings), but they’re all the same to me.
I have a five sisters who are 14, 13 (twins), 12, and 10 years older than I am. The 14-year gap is way too much for me, it always felt like she was trying to be a second mother, and as a sibling, that’s annoying as hell.
The 13 year and the 12 year gaps lived with their father, (not mine) so I didn’t get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked.
The 10 year gap is amazing, she’s far enough away that I can draw on her experiece, but not so far that we can’t interact well.
My brother is two years younger than I am. Growing up, we fought bitterly. Embarassingly so. But, once we grew up and moved away from each other, the relationship got so much better, and really, he’s a pretty awesome guy.
I like the two, three year gap the best, but as the gap gets bigger, I’m afraid that siblings feel like like friends, and more like additional parents. (Of course, my age gaps are so big, this might not hold true for a sibling, 5, 6 years older, this is just what I have to work with!)
Post # 7
@CorgiTales: Aww.. that’s kind of sad. One of my sisters and I are 11 years apart. I moved out of the house to go to boarding school when she was 2 :(. It took us a long time to get close to each other, but we are now. I think it helped her that she had 2 other sibs closer to her in age.
As for 2 kids the same age, my sister has that issue and her adopted and bio kids are in the same class. It leads to some competition and comparison. For a kid that is definitely going to have a slower start (nutritionally, language, etc), I would hate to put that added stress on them. (So goes my thinking…)
Post # 8
I do not have kids yet – though I want at least 2 (FI wants 4!!!) in the future. I am only 23, so I have plenty of time to have babies.
I think the optimal spacing is 2 years or so. I say “or so” because it is kind of difficult to nail that number down exactly. I personally would not want to have more than 3 years between two consecutive kids. I also would not want to have kids that are 1.5 years or closer together (oh the chaos!).
My sister and I are 22 months apart, and although we battled a bit when we reached our early teens, we were always quite close. We are VERY close now and I love having her as a best friend. I also have friends with siblings who are 3 years apart and although they may not have been quite as close growing up as my sister and I, they are also close now. So from my experience, 2 (to 3) years is a good time frame to aim for.
Post # 9
I have 6 siblings that range from mid 40’s to the late 20’s. The largest space between my siblings is 5 years. Me and two of my sisters are actually “stepping stones” meaning 1 year apart. I HATED it when I was younger b/c that meant hand me downs was the biggest part of my wardrobe…plus the parental attention just wasn’t there. It helped make me the self-sufficient person I am today, but growing up sucked big time.
Having said that…I think smaller spacing works when you are talking about a smaller number of kids..like 2 or 3. Especially if one parent plans to stay at home. By spacing them closer together, you can get ALL of the potty training, etc out of the way at about the same time and be done with it.
For me and Fiance…it will be QUITE interesting. He has two sons…ages 24 and 20, and I have a daughter, age 13..so we will essentially be starting from scratch with any kids we have together. Because we will be older parents (I will be 35 in October, He will be 43 in December) we want 2 kids, which we plan to have a year apart. I plan to be a stay at home mom until the youngest is about 3 (If we are blessed with more children that is).
Post # 10
Four year spacing is killer. I didn’t get along with my older sister or younger sister (fours years apart from me in either direction) for years and years, because that age gap was just enough to make us hit puberty/maturity levels at different times. (I also fought a lot with one of my cousins who was four years younger.) However, my other sister was only sixteen months younger, and we were two peas in a pod. My little brother is ten years younger and we’ve always gotten along great.
I’d like to have kids relatively close in age, maybe about two years apart, so they’ll have someone to relate to. 🙂
Post # 11
I have 2 younger sisters, I am the oldest, and each of us are 2 years apart from each other. So I am 27, the middle sister is 25, and the youngest is now 23. The 2 year spacing is awesome, we were close enough to have similar interests through our childhood/teens, and as adults are still close to the same place in our lives (I am in my career, and my younger sister is finishing school, and my youngest sister is mid-education). We have been able to share clothes and toys, we always fairly similar maturity wise, and the fighting years were over fairly quickly. We share some friends, because we are all so close in age as well.
Post # 12
I think part of the spacing depends on how many kids you plan to have. If you plan on only ever having two (one bio, one adopted) then closer seems better to me. I would almost say it would be better to adopt an older child, because they will build self-esteem from being looked up to by the younger sibling. And as the younger one learns, the older one can too. I think that trying to adopt a child one year older would be best.
For us, we want to have another child asap. It’s not optimal, but I’m on borrowed time, as I can only get pregnant in the next year due to my military schedule. If that wasn’t an issue we would prefer to have kids two years apart (as my brothers are two and four years older). That seemed like the best spacing, but it’s also all I know. Darling Husband has four siblings, spaced over 12 years. They are all really close to each other. I think that having many kids spaced close makes it easier for the youngest and oldest to bond than having just two kids 12 years apart. As it is, we’ll end up having two kids in two and half years, and then we’re planning two more four years later.
Post # 13
my brothers and I are 4.5 years apart. my youngest is 9 years younger than me. I’d say we’re only midely close. I think it’s a little too much. 4 or less would be ideal for me.
Post # 14
I’m the oldest and my sister is almost 2.5 years younger than me and my brother is almost 2.5 years younger than her. I think the 2.5 year spacing worked really well for us growing up. My sister and I are super close and really always have been. My brother and I (5 year spacing between us being youngest and oldest) went through phases where we bickered quite a bit but we’re now really close as well. Looking back – a lot of the bickering wasn’t so much the age difference but more that we are two really similar people but didn’t want to admit it at the time!
So basically – I think 2.5 years is a pretty ideal age gap.
Post # 15
My brother and I (both adopted) are 5 years apart. We went from being close to hating each other to being close again through our childhoods. We’re ridiculously close as adults. Hubby and SIL are only 13 months apart. Conceiving with a 4-month-old seems nuts to me but I know it works for some people. They have always been very close. A friend of mine has a similar set up and she just treated them like twins re: timing of potty training, etc. I’d like 2 years apart but we may try to move that up a bit since I’ll be about 33 when this first one is born.
You have so many variables when it comes to adopting. I wonder if any countries/agencies have any guidelines re: ages of other children in the home?
Post # 16
sometimes spacing is good in terms of health reasons, there is alot the woman’s body goes through during pregnancy and it is good to allow thing to heal and get in balance before having another. I think the time it takes to do this is based on each individual’s case.