Post # 16
I’m so glad you’re not freaking out. I work for CPS and we have so many parents that lose it and think their child has been sexually abused when this happens. You’re absolutely right – she’s just exploring and this is totally normal. With that being said, you can’t simply tell her to “stop,” you definetly need to replace the behavior with something more appropriate. Explain to her that touching herself is okay and normal, but it’s a lot like going to the bathroom – it’s something we have to do in private and it makes other people uncomfortable if we do it in front of them. If she’s doing it in front of others, don’t shame her in the moment. Try to distract her (ask for her help in another room, etc) and then later on, you can explain to her that she shouldn’t do it in a room with other people.
Post # 17
kes18: I LOVE that article! I never thought about “sex positive” parenting until I read that. It makes so much sense to teach children that everyone does it, but we do it in private places. No shame. Just facts!
Post # 18
Lara_11: It will be easier on your girls if you and your Fiance can get on the same page as far as your expectations of the girls. A 7 year old should be dressing herself, period. He may be fulfilling some need of his own, but he isn’t helping his daughter to become independent.
If you are getting married and becoming one family, there needs to be a move towards one set of rules for both girls. It won’t happen overnight, as for some reason he has chosen to baby his daughter, but that needs to be a mutual goal.
Post # 19
In relation to the 2nd question raised I would absolutely have a conversation with Darling Husband and agree to a mutual approach and expectations that can be set for both daughters. Your SD is still young so you are in a fortunate position of being able to guide her behaviour now before it’s too entrenched. Expecting her to get herself ready and pick up after herself is very reasonable. Also if you are all living together I would give some thought as to whether you should be taking a more active role in guiding and disciplining her. I just worry that if you don’t you’re going to be in a position when she’s a teen where she plays her Dad against you to get her way or her lack of responsibility starts to be a problem in relation to more important issues than PJs on a table.
Post # 21
kes18: thanks for sharing!
Post # 22
julies1949: I agree with you. And he does say he enjoys changing her because one day she won’t let him. They grow too fast. But she’s 7! And she has no independence with anything 🙁 when I pick up my daughter from school the first thing she does is grab all her stuff. My step daughter just walks out and expects the adult to grab her stuff. One day, being used to my daughter getting her stuff, I forgot to ask my step daughter to get her backpack and she came home with nothing and we both got in trouble with her dad. I told him how she should be responsible of that. He always grabs it for her
Post # 23
thank you everyone for the wonderfup advice!
Post # 24
“we both got in trouble with her dad” oh no… hell no… this is not how things should be. Again, parents should be a team, a unit, kids need to be taught to be responsible for themselves. I get how he’s feeling, but he’s not doing her any favors and you are not doing him or yourself any favors by allowing this to continue.
Post # 25
Lara_11: his daughter and your daughter should have the same set of rules and expectations. She should be able to dress herself, and the backpack thing is just ridiculous! All of my kindergarteners carry their own backpacks!