(Closed) Childfree by choice? How many of us? Small vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll:

    Childfree not exactly by choice, but still happy.

    Childfree not by choice but have accepted it

    Childfree by choice and happy

  • Post # 121
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

    Just something I wanted to come back and mention since I’ve seen a few other bees bring it up. I really dislike also how the desire to play with dolls or doll-type toys is linked so heavily with the wish to have children. As an adult, I collect dolls, and I have for the past few years. Many of them don’t represent babies as they are made to look more like young adults, but I do have plans to add a few younger looking ones to my collection in the future. I’ll be honest, again as someone struggling over the guilt of wanting to be CBC, it’s really infuriating, and hurtful, when outsiders imply that I’m subsituting my dolls for real babies or it’s a sign that I’m OBVIOUSLY pining for a little one of my own.

    Really….dolls are so different from babies it’s absurd. I can literally leave my doll sitting on a shelf, completely ignored for days, and it’s fine. On a weekly basis I maybe interact with them for about twenty minutes unless I’m going to a convention or I want to do some work on them. How is that in any way remotely similar to the amount of time and devotion an infant requires? Yet people still don’t seem to care. Doll = baby.

    Post # 122
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    TwinkleBoss:  D: This is a completely new one on me and I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to it! I get the “dogs are child substitutes” BS fairly frequently myself. No, I have dogs (and spend a lot of time on them, far more than average because I do dog sport) because I want dogs. If I wanted a child I would have one. I don’t, and everyone can STFU with the implication that I only spend so much time and effort on my dogs because I don’t have children!


    Edited to add: the next time I get that offensive statement I should ask how good their kids are at bitework, scent detection, and advanced obedience. If they can score high maybe I might consider it.  </sarcasm>

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by silvergrey.
    Post # 123
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

    I’m CBC. Always have been since I first pondered the subject of children. I’ve had all the patronising comments, including from my own mum once upon a time but she quickly saw my point and supports my decision. I’m afraid to tell SO’s mum because she is a Stay-At-Home Mom and being a mum is everything to her, although it’ll inevitably come up sooner or later I’m sure especially as SO’s sister is trying for a baby. My SO is also not interested in children.

    Post # 124
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Whenever the subject gets to over heavy on kids when it’s not really the space for it- I just say “I hate when my cats do __________” or “my cats look adorable when they do __________”


    and I insert whatever the companies children was referring to (my kids love doing this- my kids love doing thuat)

    Post # 125
    961 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    View original reply
    lamington:  For me, it was the realization that I would be okay with kids, and okay without. If I had them, my life would change in many ways. I’d make necessary adjustments to be a good Mom. I would really love them. But, if I didn’t have them, I could have a more calm life, I would struggle less with my fatigue, and I could focus on giving my all to the two of us as a family, and the people who surround us. I also am very thankful to have just become a Godmother..which means I have twins to love on from afar. An unexpected blessing 🙂

    Post # 127
    508 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    JoRocka:  haha that’s exactly what I do too!   

    Post # 129
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I’m still ambivalent. Growing up I thought I absolutely did not want kids. I never really babysat, and kids over a few months old kind of intimidate me haha. I’ve sometimes thought I’d like to have a kid though, but having more than one feels like it would be way more work and sacrifice than I’d be ok with, while at the same time I would hate to deprive my hypothetical child of a sibling, as I would have been a super lonely kid without my brother. But I also feel like this desire to have kids mostly comes from other people having kids around me and me wanting “what other people have”, and it being “just want people do at around my age”. I’m kind of terrified that if I did have kids, I would regret it –  and it’s not like it’s a decision you can go back on once you have one! Reading this thread has really made me question the reasons why I might want kids (and that it’s ok if it turns out I don’t want them too). I feel like the ambivalence is more due to societal pressure to procreate rather than really wanting children. And I agree with the PPs who said the planet is overpopulated as it is, so why further exacerbate the problem??

    Thankfully, I’ve talked to my Fiance about it and made absolutely sure that not wanting kids isn’t a deal breaker for him, and it’s not, so in a few years, after we’re married and have paid off our debts, we’ll revisit the topic.

    Post # 130
    1907 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I went to a friend’s birthday brunch on Sat, and there were a couple of people there I’d never met. Of course, here comes the “Do you have kids?” questions. I said no, and both women said I’ll change my mind. I firmly told them no I won’t, as I have no desire to be a mom. They shut up then. I get so annoyed when people tell my grown ass that I’ll change my mind about something so major. No I won’t! Ugh!

    Post # 132
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I’be never wanted kids EVER. I’ll be the first to admit I’m too selfish for it. I like coming home, watching YouTube videos with the husband, lounging with the cats, and not worrying about anyone else. Wanna stay up until 1am? Sure! Sleep in until noon on weekends? Why not? Chips and dip for dinner At 10pm? Hells yeah! It just has no appeal whatsoever to me.

    Plus, the thought of being pregnant weirds me out, no way Jose! it just sounds like all kinds of horrible and the reward is a kid? Yeah, no thanks!

    Post # 133
    4232 posts
    Honey bee


    What’s wrong with chips and dip for dinner? You can cram a lot of good veggie portions into dips. That’s healthful enough. 


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