(Closed) Childfree by Choice, is it the right choice?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If you do wind up wanting kids, you can always adopt! There are so many children that need good homes and then your husband wouldn’t worry about bring another child into the world. In fact, he could help make it a better place by raising a child in a loving and stable home.

Post # 32
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

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mrsbjj17 :  You said you are selfish, and so am I. I love my freedom and my time and I don’t want anything holding me back.

If you don’t want anything to get your way of happiness why would you want something that is going to be your responsiblity for 18 years(and maybe more after). A baby will need your full attention. Do you want that? Little kids are needy as hell. Do you want that? Teenagers tell you to go f yourself. Do you want that?

Some people may look happy with their kids, ,but what you dont see are the sleepless nights. The screaming in walmart because they didnt get a toy. The endless sporting events you are going to because the kid needs to “stay busy to keep out of trouble.”  Oh and dont forget dumb kids b day parties. There goes your weekend. 

If you like all the things I have said above then rasing kids is for you! If not, and you dread every aspect of that, including having your body destoryed, then get a dog. 🙂

Post # 33
868 posts
Busy bee

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mrsbjj17 :  I don’t have any advice as my and DH and I seem to have the same feelings as you and your husband. I’m a year older than you and we are not convinced that having kids is a good idea, but we haven’t ruled it out either. Sometimes I think being undecided is terrible. I wish I could decide one way or the other. 

Ultimately I think I would regret not having any family. However, I have zero interest in being pregnant or reporducing. And DH – like your husband – loves to remind everyone that the world has too many people. (True story: our friends asked if we planned on having kids and DH gave a 30 minute answer on water scarcity and climate change! A simple “we haven’t decided” would have been fine!). 

But DH and I are both in agreement when it comes to adopting. We love the idea of having a family and not actually bringing more people into the world. Adoption is not cheap, and officially we are still “undecided” – but since this is the decision we both seem to be in agreement on the most often it seems like this might be our path forward. 

We too have a pet (a lovely dog we adopted) who we treat like a baby. I think the dog meets all of my nurturing needs, so I don’t feel as compelled to have a child. And dogs don’t require nearly as much self sacrifice as raising children. Just like you, I look at my folks and I frequently wonder “dear lord, how did you raise us?” But, if it helps at all with you husband’s concern about traveling – my family lived over seas and traveled quite a bit while we were toddlers and young children. We got used to 8 or 9 hour flights. Kids can be good travelers once they aclumate to it. 

Good luck with whatever you decide! 

Post # 34
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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mrsbjj17 :  If you choose to not have children you need to be at peace with that decision. Right now, it sounds as though you are having a difficult time coming to terms with never being a mother.

Life is full of splendors. However, when life runs out of splendors, you will need to be at peace with the path that your choices led you down.

Post # 35
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I didn’t wind up having kids, for many reasons, life didn’t work out that way for me. I am now 61, and I am perfectly fine with not having kids. I see my sister-in-law and her problems with 1 of her 4 kids, and I wouldn’t want it to be me. 

There might be great things to having kids but there are also some very real downsides. I couldn’t take the constant crushing worry. Of course, everyone says everything could go just fine, with no problems. They also say, you take what you get. 

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