(Closed) Childfree Not by Choice

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
894 posts
Busy bee

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UK-bee :  I agree with this. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions faster than we like but it’s not always a bad thing.

I also want to add, that when you know what you want (and really know yourself) a lot can change quickly. I met my DH at 35, we got engaged when I was 36, married at 37, pregnant right after the wedding at 37, I had DD just after I turned 38, I just turned 39 and we are now working on #2. I was engaged once before (I was 29). I tried so hard to make it work and was devastated when it didn’t. I learned that I shouldn’t have to try so hard. Sometimes it makes sense to fight for things but sometimes it just doesn’t. Only you can decide what makes sense for you. You do have options though. 

*Hugs* I know how hard it can be.

Post # 34
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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babygrandmabee :  I really feel for you bee and am wishing you strength as you make these hard decisions. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have a supportive, loving and reliable partner when you’re TTC and eventually parenting together. Being a good parent is hard work and I have the utmost respect for those couples who do their best every minute of every day. If you don’t see your husband as someone who will step up to the plate with you and truly be in partnership with you to raise kids, then he’s just not the one. And it could well have been that at one time he was, but people do change. Be strong bee!

Post # 35
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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babygrandmabee :  I’m sorry bee 🙁 *hugs* I hope you find the strength to do what is right for you and the sooner the better. 

Post # 36
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Having read the word “abuse” in the comments scares me. Your uncertainty about you partner also scares me. My heart hurts for you because I can imagine/relate to the lost, confused, anxious feelings you’re going through right now. 

You know, we all know, having a child won’t fix a broken marriage. It will only make things worse.

You may have said this already but what does husband think about having a child? Have you tried therapy (single or couples)?


Post # 37
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh, I can relate. I am 36 as well. Married 7 months ago.  We had a really rocky start to our marriage, but managed to work through it and are on solid ground now.  I had my IUD pulled out in mid-January and so far…nothing.  I don’t know if this is all going to happen and it terrifies me.  


My heart goes out to you.

Post # 38
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not sure how things will turn out for us but I am 44 and we plan to keep trying. I got pregnant at 43 for the first time but miscarried last week. It is hard and painful and I wonder i f we are too old to become parents. However, we aren’t willing to give up justyet since we have frozen embryos and insiurance will hopefully cover it. If I have another loss we will have ot talk about where to go from there. Part of me wonders if we should just remain childfree (we can travel and have more $$) but I am not there yet. I keep telling myself that if God wants us to be parents then we will be and if not then we will need to accept it. 

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