- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
So basically so sum this up… We grew up together since we were 9. We were always those 2 best friends. Our parents are best friends. Family vacations. The whole 9 yards. We went to different high schools, different colleges and have always kept in touch through the years.
Sorry for the novel.. I just feel like I need you to know this background before any advice is given..
She’s not a social butterfly like I am. I can make friends anywhere I go and am a friendly person. She makes me feel like because I have so many friends.. that I don’t value them..which is completely not true. I joined a sorority in college and truly enjoyed the full college experience. I met a lot of my good friends there and I’ve known them now for 6 years. I get together with these girls every so many months and speak to them on a weekly basis.
I dated guys after I had a serious boyfriend but nothing serious. One of those guys was my childhood BFF’s older brother who I went on a handful of dates with. My childhood BFF had a problem with us seeing eachother and kept telling us how uncomfortable it made her feel. I never had a feeling like he was the one and so I let it go. This is about 3 years ago.
My childhood BFF has always been the compulsive dater and I’ve never had a problem with that. I, on the other hand, had been single during most of my college years. She graduated and broke things off with her ex but is up and down with him. One day she thinks he’s the one…the next day she hates him. Now she’s living it up being single and going out..things she never did before. I’ve had 6 years of going out.
She brought it up during a fight a few months that she’s still mad at me for dating her brother and that she doesn’t think I’m fun anymore. She said it’s because I’m in a relationship. The thing is that I have lived the single life in my earlier college years. I would honestly rather stay in, have some wine and good laughs than go out clubbing and get drunk. I told her how much she hurt my feelings saying those comments. She said she was sorry and we hugged it out. The next day she made a joke about me marrying one of good guy friends after I get a divorce. I just looked at her like “really?” I also told her that she needs to be supportive of my relationship because he is going to be my husband. I told her that I will be putting him first in my life.
Due to that fight, I have distanced myself from her and have not truly felt like she is my friend. My Mom and my Fiance have both been helping me get through this emotionally.
This childhood BFF the day I got engaged did not call to congratulate me but instead to ask if I had something to tell her…if she was the Maid/Matron of Honor. I have been keeping the peace by responding coordially… I told her that I am engaged and will not chosing my bridal party until I believe 100% that those people are going to be in my life forever. I also told her I am thinking of just doing family in the wedding party since family is forever.
Last week she called and hung up on me after I told her I haven’t thought of my bridesmaid list. I called her back. She hyperventalated and told me that she knows whos going to walk her down the aisle and she’s not going to break promises to her best friends.
I’m so busy and drained..I don’t even feel like having bridesmaids besides my family. I know we made a promise when we were children but she never treated me like that. I feel very unsupported. If I’m going to have bridesmaids, I believe they should be people who support my relationship and are truly happy for me.
It really hurts my feelings the way she is acting. What hurts my feelings the most is the one person i thought would have been the happiest for me isn’t 🙁 It bothers me how my FI’s friends all have stuck by him and he knows who his groomsmen are going to be. Guys are so different from girls.
I’m also hurt that her family that I have known for most of my life… has not said congratulations.
I need advice on how to handle this before she really makes me lose my buttons.
I don’t know what to even say anymore… the whole thing is just so immature. I have never had drama like this..