Childhood friend upset she is not bridesmaid

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

What do you mean by ‘not talking to you’?  Has she told you that, or is she just not answering messages or phone calls?

If she hasn’t actually expressed a desire not to speak to you, then it’s possible she is just very busy.  If she is ignoring you because she’s angry at not being bridesmaid, to be honest, she’s not that much of a good friend.  A good friend will be delighted to support you in the way that is most helpful to you at your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You did nothing wrong by limiting the party to family members only. If anything it should have theoretically prevented hurt feelings, not only hers but other friends as well. If she can’t understand that then to be honest she’s got issues. 

While in general I don’t believe in telling someone why they were not invited to do something, in this case I’d probably make the exception. Other than that, I would not go chasing after someone this self centered. 

Post # 4
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

You imagine she is upset at not being a bridesmaid but has she given you any indicators that she’s upset about it? If she’s  taking part in the ceremony and booked flights/accomodation to travel for your wedding I doubt she’s bothered. 

What do you mean by isn’t talking to you. Did you have a falling out, has she sworn never to speak to you again, is she not answering messages or returning calls? How long since you communicated with her? She might just be busy. You might be seeing drama where there isn’t any at all.

Post # 6
Member
9416 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@modernbride95:  ew. Who needs childish dramatic people like that in their lives? I would send her a pointed message and say “it seems like you have hurt feelings, can we talk about it?” and then set up a video call. If she brushes you off but continues passive aggressive social media posts then I’d say the friendship has run its course.

Post # 7
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@modernbride95:  Can you please elaborate when you mean she “isn’t talking to you” ? Unless you are reguarly chatting 24/7 liking your text messages doesn’t sound like she is upset and I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion because she posted something on social media that it is about you, are you sure she has nothing else going on in her life?

When you told her she will have a part in your wedding with the ritual how did she react? Was she excited or happy to be a part of it? You also can offer her to get ready with you guys if that is something you are doing.

If she actaully is upset about not being a bridesmaid… you have a very easy explanation and are able to say “we’re keeping the bridal party small, family only, and are not including friends, but you are important to me which is why I am including you in my wedding this way.” If she doesn’t understand that then she probably isn’t worth staying friends with becuase this is super reasonable. But I wouldn’t assume she is upset based on what you have said thus far. I think you are probably overthinking this.

Post # 8
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Wow, that is incredibly immature and TBH would have me rethinking the relationship on that basis alone. If not,  

View original reply
@LilliV: has the right idea. Ask her to talk and let her know that this was not personal or a reflection of how you felt, but an attempt to avoid hurt feelings, not cause them. If she won’t let it go, I would move on. People change and show their true colors sometimes. 

Post # 9
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@modernbride95:  Honestly her feelings are not your problem.  You do not owe her anything but your truth which is wanting three bridesmaids.  As your friend she should respect that and be honored that you still gave her a role in the event which is very sweet of you. If she is mad that she is not a bridesmaid then she is by default making the day about her and not you and your fiancé.  This is precisely why I am not having any bridesmaids and walking down the aisle solo.   I do hope this works out for you.  Perhaps it’s not as bad as it seems.  

Post # 10
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@modernbride95:  oh wow ok so based on this update I’m going to update my response.  Honest answer she is being a Bitch. Sorry but it’s true.  What’s with this passive aggressive bullshit.  It’s interesting how it’s not at all uncommon to lose some friends when one gets married.   So sorry this is happening to you.  

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

If this is her way of showing that she’s upset by a decision you had every right to make, that’s super gross. Passive aggressive social media posts were barely even acceptable in high school.

Post # 12
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

There is really nothing you can do except to recognize that she is being so ridiculous.  You had good reasons for inviting the people you did to be bridesmaids. 

When one is not invited to be a bridesmaid, the adult thing to do is to understand and accept.  Her behavior is incredibly rude and childish.

Oh well.

  

Post # 13
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

 I really hate these silly passive aggressive social media posts,no one knows who it’s really about, everyone thinks it’s about them.  It might not be a dig at you at all. Why don’t you just phone her and talk to her. It can be difficult to know someone’s tone in a text message. You won’t know for sure if she’s upset at not being a bridesmaid until you actually speak to her about it. If she says she is upset about it then you can tell her that it’s your decision and you decided only family. If you’ve never promised her she’d be bridesmaid then she has no reason to be upset about a decision you’re entitled to make.

Post # 14
Member
1257 posts
Bumble bee

I think I disagree with pps. Isn’t a sponsor some sort of monetary responsibility? Like they are “required” to pay more? I mean, I can see being sad that she’s not a bridesmaid, has to pay for all this travel, and you are expecting her to pay for part of the wedding…. I don’t think passive aggressive facebook posts is the way to go about it, but yeah, it does suck that you only want her there for her wallet. 

Post # 15
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@skuzzlebutt:  I might be wrong but I think OP is talking about a Catholic Ceremony sponsor, someone who stands with the bride/groom as a support, kind of like a Confirmation sponsor. I hope that’s what it is, I’ve never heard of asking someone to actually financially sponsor a wedding. Is that a thing? 

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by mrsceebee.
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