(Closed) Children around troubled family member?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No way. Absolutely not. For me, not having the kids anywhere near this guy would be a hill to die on.

In my family, I’m the one with the crazy family member. They’re on medication and I’ve watched their interactions with the kids very carefully for years, and am getting more comfortable with them hanging out, but still draw the line at some things and always will. But. Their behavior doesn’t even come close to what you’re describing. This relative-in-law of yours is a ticking time bomb, and you really don’t want to be there when it explodes.

Also, I really hope he doesn’t have access to guns.

Post # 3
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Always trust your gut. This man sounds like a true danger to your children! It doesn’t matter if he’s around other people at family events, he sounds like he could go off at any time, anywhere. Enabling this behavior only makes it worse. Keep your kids safe.

Post # 4
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
honeybee1234 :  

Oh, hell no.

Post # 5
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

1) your safety is priority. Your fears are not unfounded. If he was in recovery and doing well, getting along, etc, in my opinion you wouldnt have a pot to piss in. But he has recent events of violent activity according to your Mother-In-Law, so it is 100% acceptable to keep him away from you and your family. Your husband needs to back you on this. It is SAFETY. 

2) Unless your Mother-In-Law wants to go to the authorities, there isn’t much you guys can do. You can go yourself but that just gets you more enmeshed in the drama and bull sh*t and trust me you dont want that. I would encourage Mother-In-Law to go to the police and even offer to give her a ride if she wants. Her husband is not being supportive of her by enabling his sons a**hole behavior. 

Good luck Bee, sorry you have to deal with this. Drug addiction and alcohol abuse suck big time balls especially if the person who’s addicted doesn’t realize they have a problem. Until he accepts he’s an addict and gets help, things will not get better. 

Post # 6
Member
13801 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Never ever would I allow this. 

Post # 7
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

How is it even a question? 

His own mother is afraid of him. You are a mother – can you imagine what it would take for you to be afraid of your child? And to admit it? This grown woman is crying out for help and your husband thinks it’s okay to have defenseless kids around him? 

Post # 8
Member
8482 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nope. My child’s safety comes first.

Post # 9
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Nope, I would 100% not be okay with this.

I’ll go a step further, and say this family probably needs people to stop showing up to things because of this relative, so they truly understand the gravity of the situation. Other family members showing up anyway and pretending everything is fine is basically just enabling behavior. After all, there are no consequences to allowing this violent, unstable person to be a part of everything, so why not?

I would stand firm on this, Bee. No way would I want my kids around someone like that, even during large family gatherings.

Is your Mother-In-Law by chance elderly? If so, it may be possible to report this family member to a welfare agency and let them handle it, though I don’t know the laws in your state and can imagine that would cause a shitstorm for you. Just a thought, though.

Post # 10
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

NO WAY!!! Why is your Mother-In-Law even letting him stay there?

Post # 12
Member
9339 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
honeybee1234 :  Trust your gut. I would actually go so far as to avoid family events where I know he will be. If family asks why you aren’t I would say “because he makes violent threats and I don’t trust him near my children”. If they think you’re overreacting then that’s their problem, not yours. 

Post # 13
Member
5052 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your job is to protect your children. I would absolutely not bring your children around him and I wouldn’t let anyone guilt you into it.

They want to ignore the elephant in the room but you have children to look after now.

I don’t know how you can make your husband see, but I think you are doing the right thing, stand strong and keep your kids away from that behavior

Post # 14
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Trust your gut on this one. Your childrens safety and wellbeing comes first – ALWAYS. Before hurt feelings, before awkwardness, before anything else.

It’s not just a matter of the risk of him having a violent outburst – it’s the issue of your children even being exposed to a person of that sort while they are youn and impressionable. It’s one thing once they get to an age and stage in life where you can have meaningful dialog with them about the things they are seeing and hearing. I dunno how old your kids are, but I’m just assuming they’re not there yet. 

Post # 15
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Nope, no, uh-uh, never. 

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